Or, "Clean Up on Aisle 19"

Shuckle isn't the strongest pokemon. Rather, he's one of the weakest pokemon in terms of attack, special attack, and speed. He does have one of the highest swatchs of defense, though, and a clever player can turn that into something truly terrifying withe a few choice moves. I am not one of those players.

I like Shuckle because it's a neat concept--an amorphous, goo-like pokemon living inside a hoolowed-out, spherical rock. Maybe it's my love of science and the pokedex entries that equate the pokemon to slime molds, one of the biologically-intriguing compromises between animal-and-plant. Maybe it's because I'm a fan of bug types--always have been.

Regardless, I like the look of Shuckle, and decided, on a whim, to track one down. A quick google search informed me that I could fid one by rock smashing on the eastern portion of the map, in a legendary-housing cave. And hey--I could collect some heart scales while I was at it.

2 hours and 20 heart scales later, no shuckle. Just endless hordes of Gravellers, Durants, and other annoyances.

I decided that I needed a break, and decided to head to head to the Safari Zone, to see if any friends unlocked the secrets of this little, moldy bastard. Another half hour passed with no luck.

I was growing frustrated, as my unshowered body and diet coke remains evidenced. So I took a break--I would approach this at a later time.

It's now the later time. I've scoured Route 18 and the Terminus cave. I have smashed so many rocks, I'm concerned that I am somehow contributing to the Graveller popuation. Is that how they reproduce? You smash a boulder, then all the little pebbles become geodudes, then they evolve and return to haunt me for my sedimentary misdeeds?

Double-checked my research, scoured the internet once more, decided to visit the seaside, because maybe some fresh, ocean air would do me good, and maybe Shuckle can be found in THOSE rocks. Maybe the good people at Serebii.net, in their infinite wisdom, just didn't think to check those rocks.

Dammit, he's not at the beach.

I'm back in Terminus cave, starring at the empty stage that once housed the mighty sprite of Zygarde. Why should a legendary be easier to capture than a slimy rock? Is Shuckle actually rarer than a legendary?

Hours pass. I am now breeding a mighty army of Eevees. I shall pass them on through Wondertrade in the hopes that distributing Eevees will earn me enough trading karma that Our Lord and Savior Arceus will see fit to make my next encounter one wiht a Shuckle. Blessed be our Lord.

Flabebes. Flabebes. Are you FUCKING. kidding. me? Everyone one of you assholes flooding wondertrade with your trash pokemon need to be anally violated by a Cacnea. All of you leeching motherfuckers need to sit on AZ's doom cannon and just take a world-ravaging destruction pulse right up your rectums.

Breeding Eevees. I'll take them to the Global Trade Station. An Eevee for a Shuckle should be a good trade by anyone's standards. Unless Shuckle really IS a legendary and I hadn't know about it. Wouldn't that be funny? Heh heh. Ha. AHAHAHAHAHA.

Shuckle. Shuckle isn't on the list. Why isn't he on the list? I have Eevees for you. Countless Eevees for all of you. I just want a Shuckle. But I . . . I can't ask for him unless he's on the drop down. Oh god, why isn't he on the drop down? It's like going to Walmart to buy toilet paper, but not being able to say "toilet paper." Don't you understand? I can't shit until I get the toilet paper, and I can't buy the toilet paper unless I can ask for it. Goddamn it, Pokemon, I will shit ALL over your discount $5 DVD bin if I can't get a Shuckle soon. All. Over. It.

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