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Wearing Down
10 years ago
General
I'm wearing down. Emotionally, spiritually, whatever.
Over the past year of hormones, I've been dealing with a rainbow of emotions, with newfound levels of depth to each one. I'm not just happy, I'm over the moon delighted on an emotional level, but still reserved in some other manner. I'm not just angry, I'm furious at someone, but still want their approval and hugs. I'm not just sad, I'm lonely and angry at myself for feeling lonely. Or I'm sad and depressed and longing for hugs. Or I'm bawling and crying my eyes red.
It's been mostly the latter for most of this year. Most days end with me crying, lonely, and lately, second-guessing transitioning. And I think that's just me scrabbling for a way--any way--to stop feeling so sad.
Because I don't want to stop transitioning, but this is starting to get overwhelming. I had a last ditch mechanism which was a complete emotional shut off, but my friends convinced me that it wasn't healthy. It might have been, but ... now I don't know what to do. I'm sadder than ever and every day it wears me down a little more.
Over the past year of hormones, I've been dealing with a rainbow of emotions, with newfound levels of depth to each one. I'm not just happy, I'm over the moon delighted on an emotional level, but still reserved in some other manner. I'm not just angry, I'm furious at someone, but still want their approval and hugs. I'm not just sad, I'm lonely and angry at myself for feeling lonely. Or I'm sad and depressed and longing for hugs. Or I'm bawling and crying my eyes red.
It's been mostly the latter for most of this year. Most days end with me crying, lonely, and lately, second-guessing transitioning. And I think that's just me scrabbling for a way--any way--to stop feeling so sad.
Because I don't want to stop transitioning, but this is starting to get overwhelming. I had a last ditch mechanism which was a complete emotional shut off, but my friends convinced me that it wasn't healthy. It might have been, but ... now I don't know what to do. I'm sadder than ever and every day it wears me down a little more.
Sometimes, dealing with one day at a time is just the best short term solution that a person can have.
Try to focus on the good things in life - the positive will usually outweigh the negative.
But more than anything, just believe in yourself - having the support of good friends is always helpful as well.
Really wish I could be there for you. I feel kind of helpless stuck here just watching you go through everything...