So, I had a lot of thinking time last night, where nothing was happening, it was completely quiet, and my mind started to wander. I thought back to my younger days, not tat I am old now, but when things were... Different.
Essentially, I had hope in everything. I believed I could do anything, and enjoyed everything. I was always active and smiling. Everything got me excited, and I looked forward to holidays, not because of presents or anything like that, but because I'd get to spend time with my family. Now...
I don't have hope for anything. I don't believe in 'forever'. I acknowledge that I have limits, and fail to enjoy as much as I used to. I'm not as active, not smiling nearly as much...

Dunno what changed, but it happened somewhere between 16 and 18. I have a theory, but that's something completely separate.