Its been awhile since I posted on here and to be honest I doubt any will care at all but sometimes somethings just have to be said/written/typed. Life is just life at the moment, mediocre it feels like. Maybe its just this time of year, maybe its just health problems or maybe its feeling so alone.

Tis the season as they say, those who work in retail mind like myself its a dreadful time of year filled with stress, panic and chaos. While this year were luckily to have some good X-mas temps its still not easy at all and management is been real petty and childish almost with alot of toys been thrown out of prams.

Health yeah thats fun, I've spent this whole month since the 4th of November sick, discovered only yesterday that I've had a stomach infection, end result I can't hold down food, it coming out one way or another when I try to eat. So of course this means I've not been eating properly or not keeping down food, and those who know me know I didn't have much weight to start with so its bad I've lot weight, along with feeling just always sick, tired and drained.

I feel alone now adays, once upon a time I would have every day logging on to find people wanting to speak and RP with me. Now, well I barely get any messages, even less RPs and those RPs I do get to do are done for my partner's enjoyment and not my own. Either I have to play a character I don't want to play as, do things I don't want to do or cater to a kink I don't like, either way I end up RPing because I want to RP but don't end up enjoying the RPs done.

So that leads to feeling mediocre I guess. That and well a mediocre year, no real holidays, no money to do anything, friends drifting away and my health been as it is with a nice mix of stress added in. I hate posts like this but sometimes things just have to be written down, an in-vain attempt to try and understand things.

I don't know what I should do or try to do anymore...