I can feel it coming back. The trigger words in my head that reassure me that my old anxieties and sadness are creeping back in, are running through my head again, and even in my happy place I'm feeling hopeless in defense against them, the feelings. I don't even notice I'm saying them to nobody in my head. "Fuck everything" when I really don't mean it. My eyes are heavy from crying. I don't want to go home. This strange place feels like an oasis and home feels like an empty metal cage. Worse than that. Home is where I am treated like a lapdog without an opinion, where I am self conscious and ignored. The warden preaches hollow promises of acceptance and understanding. Who would want to go back to that? I have a chance to escape but I am being forced to go back. I don't want to go home, I want to stay here in my happy place.

Apollo~