Hey all you guys,

I'm sincerely sorry that, yet AGAIN, I have seemed to drop off the face of the planet. Let alone the internet. Life has been throwing me... a lot of curve balls lately and frankly, it's getting to me.

I've been battling a hard depression the past few days and things here in Florida may not be going as well as I thought. For those of you who I talk on the phone regularly to I haven't said much about what I've been going through because of a lack of privacy. Some of you know what I mean by that.

My "family" seems to be leaving me out of a lot of their activities. Granted they have guests coming down a lot and they want to spend time with them, but I'm never invited to any of this. Before I can say anything they're out the do again leaving me behind. I feel segregated and ostracized, they don't talk to me unless it's something that's a "need to know" type of thing. Hell, the CEO of Fuzion treats me more like family than my own two cousins! My uncle tries to talk and relate, at least he's putting effort into it. But I still feeling like they want me gone as soon as possible. Sadly I can't approach them about the issue because there is a guest staying in the house and I have no idea when she is going to leave.

Pardon the vent, but it's something I've been dealing with for a while. I've always seemed to be the black sheep of the family. And again this is how I feel, I don't know where my family actually stands until I can talk to them about the matter.

Then again this could all be a test or trial of some form. There are a few things in motion right now and this might be something I just need to weather out. I recently received some very reliable information that one of the railroads is hiring down here and they need train crew badly. The only thing holding me back is a car, and that's my goal at the moment. I'm saving for a vehicle so that when the railroad calls me I can get there without having to rely on anyone else.

Something else I've been doing is writing articles for model railroading. My first one is just about ready to publish and that has me very excited! One thing to uplift me in the current state of things. I just have to edit a few things here and there and it's ready to send.

Right now I'm looking at the alternative of moving back in with my mother, which I REALLY don't want to do. I'm too darn close to FINALLY making it on my own, but just as before in times past, there's always a wrench thrown into the works. Only time will tell, and God, what path I'm supposed to take. I'm also looking to find a good church family and that's something that's been missing in my life. I found a church that I think will be a good fit. I emailed the senior pastor and I hope I'll hear back from him today. I'm also hoping to be able to go to tomorrow's service.

Anyway I know this is a bit of a rant, but this is why I haven't been online lately. I'm sorry and I'm trying to keep tabs on everyone. I'll try to be more active again, but I still have a lot to sort out down here. Thanks for reading, I really appreciate it.