Im pretty sure I'm more conflicted than I ever have been. I hate myself and have no confidence, this much I am aware of. But at the same time I don't want to be anyone else and enjoy when I do have confidence. (which is rare) Most of the time I make no sense, so bare with me.
I wish I wasn't the type to over think, wish I could say what was on my mind without thinking about all the bad things that would or could come of it. I cannot love unless I love myself. This fact I cannot escape. It is a sad truth. So how do I fix myself? my confidence? I don't want to change much. Just my mindset about my life and myself. I hate drama, but its all that ever seems to follow me.

Someone recently said to me that I need to live for today no matter what anyone else thinks because you never know how much time you have got with your friends, your family or yourself. So, though It may take awhile, and need a lot of help. I am going to just be me. maybe not 100%, I still am not 100% who I am some times. maybe 87% lol But I will do what I wish to do, be who I wish to be and be more confident. So what if I lose friends, their loss. So what if someone rejects me because of who I am, just means they aren't good enough.

I will become the best me I can be, even if I am not 100% aware of who that is. I will find out.

Along this road where I am more open and confident, I hope to cross paths with people, even if just a few, that wish to know me, to pick at my mind and find out who I am. as would I theirs. If I find you interesting, one of the first things I wish to do is pick at your mind, to get to know you better :)

I promise there is more to me than meets the eye ;P so dont just toss me out. Not just yet. :)