Well erm... where to start

At EF20 I started something... Something different. Most of u know me as Sean, that trans-dude whose on hormones and shit.
Well I took my 3ed and last shot at EF, cuz loads has happened

I came to the conclusion that hormones didnt make me happier, even more insecure maybe. There were always some doubts inside my head, which got more ground after the hormones

"Did I really need this?"
"Is this really what I want my life to look like?; every 2weeks hormone shots, operations?"
"Do I really feel like a genuine dude?"

Well... I came to the conclusion I didnt really like the changes i was going through. It happened to quickly, too soon, too fast. Made the promise to my mate to try out the other option; going back to female-me or atleast... me with boobs and all the stuff.
So... for the past 4 or 5months I've been testing it out and it came out that I don't really care

I'm pretty a-gendered; so no male, no female. I don;t really see my friends as male or female but just as the package "person's-name-and-features". No real sense of gender was programmed into this panda *shrug* oh well

The reason why I decided to go "back" to female:

At first I wanted to stay 50-50, so parttime male, with some female days. But I found out by trying it, it's really hard to do so, since when im with le boyfriend I am pretty much female 99,9% of the time, which is great. But it's really hard to mix things up... Like when i bring my boyfriend to school... sure... but they know me as male whilst my boyfriend... well U probably get the point.
So I had to make a decision, since social life is really hard to do 50-50.
I've put things into perspective;
Im not going to be happy, with me as male, nor as female. Cuz i dont get the whole gender-role thing and dont fit into neither one of them.
So I can choose not really happy with le boobs, maybe longer hair, occasionally shirts with view into le boobs and sometimes some make up (which i dont mind doing)
Or I can choose not really happy (or even unhappier) with chest hair, belly hair (frankly hair everywhere since after 6weeks of hormones hair spawned EVERYWHERE...), lower voice, shitload of medicine costs, hospital hassle and operations and not turning out as a 100% male (cuz no weener)

So yeah I chose the first one; Female it is.
So name is changing back to Saskia, female pronounce and such.

Don't worry; Im still me ;D