The year is coming to an end, only a few days left of it. Hoping to spend the new years with a special someone, if all goes well. The last two months have been a heck of a roller-coaster with my feelings having been all over the place. Not gonna go into more details about it, just... Bleh. Hope to have things sorted out soon, these feelings are gonna be the death of me otherwise.

Trying to calm myself with music, Dir en Grey for the most of it. Awesome band, music for every mood. Hoping to get back to fursuit stuff soon, this art-block thing I have going really needs to end, just haven't had much feeling to do much, school or personal. I hope January will be kinder to me, because December sure has been a pain in the ass, and Christmas being at the completely wrong time because of all the bleh going on right now. Not much feelings for it, even though it was good to get away from home and see relatives for a couple of days. Need to start kicking myself pretty soon to get out of this slump, no idea if I've ever cried as much as I have during the last month.

Anyway, here's a song that I can relate to quite a lot at the moment, and Kyo's vocals just hit the spot. In this version of Lotus he doesn't hit the high notes much at all, which makes the performance even more heart-wrenching. He tries and tries, but his voice just cracks. This live was just a while before his throat surgery to help his voice. The feelings of Kyo's singing, though, just goes deep into the marrow of my bones. He hits just the right strings in me which makes him a vocalist many bands can only dream of. And I can do nothing but love the symphonic versions Dir en Grey performed at their Ratio Ducat, Non Fortuna live; making it one of their best performances to date in my opinion. The lyrics can be found below in english.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z6wt34FHCw8

I close my eyes
This place is blue
The toki bird cries
The storm took my heart away
Wanting to feel tomorrow along with the picture that's now peeling and rotting away
Can't erase the tears from memory
Even this sound of darkness probably won't heal anymore
Somehow knowing that...
Tears come running down again from the memory
Look around
There's probably no one to live for now...alone
The un-erasable wound
Isn't it as beautiful?
If the dream withered, will you still love?
It's true, tomorrow will not be all glitters
Your weak intention is not a scar, giving you a reason to look back
Can't erase the tears from memory
Even this sound of darkness probably wont' heal anymore
Somehow knowing that...
It is breaking
The night
Throwing everything away in front of your eyes
You are the moon
You shall cry and sleep
A mistake won't change one's way of life
Be proud and let the pure white lotus blossom
Your strong intentions won't be shaken anymore
The free sky
Close your eyes
What is believing?