So a couple weeks back I was down in LA for vacation and went to the Getty museum. I bought an expensive 2014 calendar there, this wonderful oversized thing featuring those wildly inaccurate maps from the early days of transatlantic navigation. I opened it just now, and indeed the reproductions of these maps are beautifully done and very, very large on the page -- so large that they didn't leave any room for the actual calendar itself. No grid of days, just tightly-packed columns of numbers. It is quite useless as a calendar, where I usually mark up days with stuff. So instead I'm hanging up a calendar that a hardware store sent me for free.

This might be for the best anyway, since this hardware calendar is an unparalleled work of fine Bad Art. It's from Zoro Tools, who (if you take a gander at the bottom corner of their website) have some sort of badly-drawn cartoon fox guy as a mascot. So for this calendar, they've got some hastily-assembled Fursuit hanging out awkwardly with hardware people using hardware products.

Look at it. Look at the legs that bunch up at the ankles like oversized sweatpants. Look at that plastic, soulless, wall-eyed stare. And look at that poor woman! Look at the resignation on her face. How much would she have given to be absolutely anywhere else at that exact moment?

Want more? Here he is trying to insert himself into a scientists' social circle. They apparently have given up trying to spurn him away and instead are doing their best to ignore him and shut him out behind their backs. Here he is at the Zoro Tools reception desk, finally throwing his hands up in defeat and admitting he has no fucking idea what he's doing.

Oh yes, my friends. This is going directly up on my wall first thing tomorrow.