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Guess I should update here more often...
12 years ago
::My good Friends::
-greenfishie- 
it's been a while since I've had a new journal up here.
I guess this is kinda like a vent journal though.
>_O and its a stupid feeling, I know it is, but I can't always drown it out.
I consider myself a pretty decent artist. I draw stuff that I really really like, sometimes.
Then i start to feel -really- good when a popular artist asks me for a commission, so i work extra, super hard to make it look nice.
part of it is cause i really want that exposure to other really awesome artists, it's kinda how i reach out? cause i'm so frikkin secluded to myself and -my- little group of friends.
And also because i can't commission those artists to draw my own character.
I can't afford that kind of exposure (even though i want their art super bad)
anyways, it gets me feeling paranoid, like, something i've done has offended these artists that amaze me, and you know? It probably has at some point?
waited SUPER long for a piece of art from me. I did finish it, but when i sent Dip the link i never got a fav, or a comment. It hurt, but i don't blame them.
I used to talk to Crystal too, but then I took on a commission for someone of a character that was, pretty obviously based on her character. I haven't heard from her since. I feel -terrible- but i don't know where to even start with the apology so i just sank back into my corner feeling like shit. And only hope that I can do better later. I really am Sorry for it, i just didn't realize what i had done was so stupid until after it was already done.
I screwed up so many times. I'm seriously scared to reach out more often.
I'm seriously intimidated. Like all of them talk to eachother and then I come up and i've just fucked up so much its like.... they know it.
I can normally push this feeling off, and i tell myself i'm being ridiculous. but fricking hell man...
I admit, I'm a little depressed, have been since last night. I saw an artist I like, who I honestly though, well maybe we're around the same level? posted a journal with a nifty idea to let people make their own design of her original species, but the rules were that she and you had to watch eachother.
When I saw they didn't watch me? I was a little surprised, yeah, and at first it was just like, "oh, well that's fine, they don't need to watch me." but then I let it sink in and i got really sad... My stuff just isn't her cup of tea, i'm sure, but I just feel like my art isn't that good, cause I'm dumb and IDK why that's what my train of thought does, but it did.
Then it got worse, and I worry about all the people I used to talk to, and wonder if someone's told them bad things, or i've actually done terrible things and I just..
ugh!
anyways.
I just wanted to vent a little. this actually happens fairly often, just not to this degree, and I don't know where else to vent cause i sure don't want to put this on my Darkomi account and sound like a whiny little attention whore.
so i'm gonna post it here where i have less watchers >->;
I know this train of thought is ridiculous, and I shouldn't be thinking this way. I can't help it sometimes.
Thanks for reading, if you did.
I guess this is kinda like a vent journal though.
>_O and its a stupid feeling, I know it is, but I can't always drown it out.
I consider myself a pretty decent artist. I draw stuff that I really really like, sometimes.
Then i start to feel -really- good when a popular artist asks me for a commission, so i work extra, super hard to make it look nice.
part of it is cause i really want that exposure to other really awesome artists, it's kinda how i reach out? cause i'm so frikkin secluded to myself and -my- little group of friends.
And also because i can't commission those artists to draw my own character.
I can't afford that kind of exposure (even though i want their art super bad)
anyways, it gets me feeling paranoid, like, something i've done has offended these artists that amaze me, and you know? It probably has at some point?
waited SUPER long for a piece of art from me. I did finish it, but when i sent Dip the link i never got a fav, or a comment. It hurt, but i don't blame them.I used to talk to Crystal too, but then I took on a commission for someone of a character that was, pretty obviously based on her character. I haven't heard from her since. I feel -terrible- but i don't know where to even start with the apology so i just sank back into my corner feeling like shit. And only hope that I can do better later. I really am Sorry for it, i just didn't realize what i had done was so stupid until after it was already done.
I screwed up so many times. I'm seriously scared to reach out more often.
I'm seriously intimidated. Like all of them talk to eachother and then I come up and i've just fucked up so much its like.... they know it.
I can normally push this feeling off, and i tell myself i'm being ridiculous. but fricking hell man...
I admit, I'm a little depressed, have been since last night. I saw an artist I like, who I honestly though, well maybe we're around the same level? posted a journal with a nifty idea to let people make their own design of her original species, but the rules were that she and you had to watch eachother.
When I saw they didn't watch me? I was a little surprised, yeah, and at first it was just like, "oh, well that's fine, they don't need to watch me." but then I let it sink in and i got really sad... My stuff just isn't her cup of tea, i'm sure, but I just feel like my art isn't that good, cause I'm dumb and IDK why that's what my train of thought does, but it did.
Then it got worse, and I worry about all the people I used to talk to, and wonder if someone's told them bad things, or i've actually done terrible things and I just..
ugh!
anyways.
I just wanted to vent a little. this actually happens fairly often, just not to this degree, and I don't know where else to vent cause i sure don't want to put this on my Darkomi account and sound like a whiny little attention whore.
so i'm gonna post it here where i have less watchers >->;
I know this train of thought is ridiculous, and I shouldn't be thinking this way. I can't help it sometimes.
Thanks for reading, if you did.
(will be updated as friends come along ;3
mmm. thank you<3
i kid i kid. Glad to hear you're doing better!
xD
thanks<3
and I will, despite anything that may or may not be true. I'm not a give up person, just sometimes get overwhelmed by my thoughts :3
Yeah, we go through that sometimes. Very understandable. *nods*
You're a great artist. Try not to let these things get you down.
and that's definitely good to hear xD
I'm doing better now, it helped a lot to vent the thoughts in the journal tbh.
Like i said up there, I don't tend to let it get me for long, more often than not i don't even worry about it, just sometimes it overwhelms me.
:: tight hug ::
You're far braver than i could be, I could have never posted this without feeling so anxious and freak out but seriously... maybe these feelings are just normal for lower level artists... it's like we constantly have something to prove but really we don't, the more we worry we've upset the wrong people, the worse off we'll feel about things that aren't within our control. not everyone is going to like me and as much as it hurts, i understand that people are just that, human and different in so many ways, theres no way everyone can like me. not just that but we can spread ourselves to thin trying to please everyone. If these people are seriously so mad at you over things, then they obviously have a problem with holding grudges or they're really not mad at you at all.
as for dipper, i know they're going through a lot right now and im sure a lot slips past them, their health has pretty much left them dead in the water, i don't think they mean to ignore things.
as awkward or shitty as it may be, sometimes even just asking the people you're worried about might help.
but this is like my #1 source of depression
i worry so much over my stuff not selling or i see people who have stuff thats about equal or less than me and they have more watchers and get more business and then i start to dread it's because of when when in reality, i fall into huge depressions that make me very quiet and i don't get a steady inflow of watchers/customers. it's an awful cycle...
Yeah, i totally don't blame dipper, i'm not mad, just worried overall, I want them to get better soon, either way, regardless of if they ever see the art or not.
I've got nothing against any of these artists i just tend to let it get to me more often than i care to admit xD;
and it may be something like that, I honestly don't understand how you don't have more watchers, you draw some -amazing- pieces, your shading and designs are badass and I'd totally be stoked if i could make my shading like 1/4 as awesome as yours XD BUT THEN that's also my opinion and i'm always looking for new ways to improve what i'm doing.
drives me crazy, that some people can sell adopts for $100 and i can hardly sell one for $5 :T
-that- bugs me.
anyways, i'm glad i'm not the only one who gets worked up over this.
and yeah, ahha, i almost deleted this journal the same day cause i started to panic a little about posting it 8'D
but i was so far gone into that train of thought that i had to do something to get it off my chest and since hardly anyone watches me here i decided it'd be the safest place to put it down to vent. u3u
Yeah, best bet is to maybe ask him if hes seen it or not when he feeling better.
At think point, im pretty sure his career is almost shot... Im sure he stresses over a lot and owing people money, since it took so long, maybe he didn't acknowledge it because he didn't want people thinking he was spending their donation money towards art?
Oh I know that, I don't really have anything against any artist either but it's still hard not to worry worry worry or feel jealous.
Hahahha, seriously it's gotta be something I've done, like getting depressed and being unable to work or the times I've been physically injured and grew quiet for long period of time. A big thing that happens is I come back and tell myself if I just work hard enough, I'll get more attention, my favorite artists will start to notice me and then I work 15 hour days and work really hard and nothing really happens, I maybe gain 40 watchers and it gets so discouraging that I just fall back into a worthless feeling depression and stop pushing myself.
Yeah, i can sell some of mine for 50 but considering I can put 4+ hours into just one adopt only for it to not even sell for 30 bucks is really fuckign aggravating.
I think it also has to do with the market, theres just so many adopts out there right now and people have their eyes on big time artists or artists who do just adopts for their needs. Or our designs aren't what a lot of people are looking for. People will see an adopt sit for long periods of time and expect the artists to just let it go for 4-5 bucks.
I've had three people back out from buying that chocolate adopt just because I wont go below 20...
It also doesn't help that watchers here on fa = how much people are willing to spend on your work. People see that person is popular and are willing to pay more regardless of quality and that pisses me off. I don't care if people can make more than me, good for them, it's makes a me a bit jelly but I get mad when I see people praising others for their anatomy and it's awful shit. I spent the first two years of my career here working on my anatomy before style. So I see others and it's like, they don't even try and int he comments it's just flooded with ass pats, that bugs me the most.
Ahhhh, I would have but it's true you'd be pretty safe here, not too many people follow this account. I think im always just so worried about offending people, I can't ever say how I feel like ever.
I think it's probably best to focus on getting art done, not on getting attention. That's what i have to tell myself all the time, focus on the art part, not on the attention. work the list, thats the priority, once the list is done i can worry about my watchers or how many comments i get, and favs and watches. but the people who've already paid are my priority.
I think the only adopts i've really gotten a good thing with are my truscan's but they're a 'come and ask if you want one' type of thing that i do custom's of cause figuring out normal adopts for them is SO hard and time consuming.
and yes. that. omg. the anatomy thing, UGGGH. I know how that feels. I let an artist know when their art IS good and anatomy plays a huuuge role in that. I've got artists i watch who have -amazing- shading and coloring skills but when i see the anatomy i'm like, "eeck, that doesn't make sense..."
and they have more watchers than any of my friends and just.... what?
i think shading has a HUGE role in stuff but i also think another part is getting loads of work posted.
also helps when people repost your artwork on their pages.
i always have to tell my friends: Keep posting, draw draw draw, you won't bring anyone in if you're account is quiet. you gotta keep drawing and posting, people have to see the art to want it.