There is no "real submissive" definition to me, we are all individuals.

However for me I am submissive always, I will do what Master says in and out of the bedroom, I will wait on Him hand and foot (while getting flack from "feminists" for my choice as a woman). I'd wear my collar all the time if I could, hoping for a bracelet or something I can wear all the time and everywhere without getting the flack I would get for a collar. I am proud to be His, my gift from Him is the time we spend together, I am always made to feel important and always rewarded for my submission.

I respect and trust Master, I am submissive but not to those who think they can dominate me. One must earn my trust and respect for me to give myself that much to them and outside a few friends who could get away with it and Master I will stand my ground against those who feel being submissive 24/7 means I am their bitch.

So what started this whole thing was a message received on a separate site that opened up with "WILL YOU KNEEL BEFORE YOUR WHITE COCKED MASTER". He was very very offended when I flat out said "No".

I was then told that I was not a real submissive because I refused to submit to him, saying that I was more of a Dom. This was probably the most insulting thing he could say and yet the attitude is not uncommon. I've run into it a lot where I was told that I "top from the bottom" because (out of scene or out of a bdsm context) I actually give direction on what I'd like to happen. I've been told that I "like what I like" too much to be a real submissive.

I've been told that because I regard my submission as a gift to a Dom I choose to submit to, instead of as their right, that since they have to earn the submission from me...that I'm not a real submissive, and am actually a switch or a Domme.

And...that's probably one of the most hurtful things I've had said to me in a long time. :/

I like what I like and I won't do what I don't like.
I'm submissive, if you're forced to do what you don't like against your will it's rape, plain and simple.

My submission is a gift. I will not submit to those who are unworthy of my submission. And who is it that deigns someone else to be worthy of my submission? I do.

A knight wears a chain as a sign of his fealty. That fealty is not given lightly and it is not given to those who are unworthy of it.

Just as love without freewill is without worth, so too is fealty - or submission - given without merit, without worth.

Well now. Even though this is aimed at submissives I am going to answer this from the point of view of a Dom.

To me there is no such thing as a "Real" submissive. A submissive chooses who she gives that gift to and who is worthy of it. Any Dom worth their salt should know and respect that it is a gift and not one that is given lightly.

The one submissive I had in my life for about a year gave me that gift and I treasured every second of it because I knew what a strong gesture it was. I knew that she was submissive only to me and I respected that it was a gift that was not to be taken lightly.

This is what a true Dom should think.
My Master is happy I trust Him and He knows He earned the submission and says the kindest things to me for my submission.

There needs to be more Doms who respect their subs, so many local to me seem to think they're a punching bag.

I was lucky to have had several amazing Doms to learn from but even better were the subs that showed me that truth and the rewards that can come from it.

I'm only a sub and if I'm unhappy I shut down. My ex and his boyfriend abused me for it. If I do it to Master He stops and tries to figure out what upset me. It doesn't happen much, usually it's because I'm having a downswing when He comes over and after He cuddles me out of it I'm good.

Then you have yourself a very amazing Master.

makes me feel wonderful. I am His, I respect Him for all He does for me even if He gets nothing in return. He took in a broken and abused submissive bird and has made done nothing but support and push me towards my self respect and inner strength.

I love Him and care for Him deeply.

Then I well and truly envy you both.

Sorry, I know this ones is old but I feel I need to throw my two cents in for any one reading in the future. There is no single definition for what makes a real sub and there are many different kinds. Some individuals will be a sub in a certain form of play, others will be a sub in every facet of their life. Some prefer to keep things at home while others will wear little signifiers out in public, and still others will out them selves to any one and every one.

There are those like my self who dream of living a life as a full sub while still maintaining a real life and career, with a mistress who respects that I have friends and family and a life out side of home and does not force her self into any facet of them that I'm not comfortable with. In that context, as relationships go, she would be the commander and I the follower. Then there are others who are absolute and give themselves completely, every inch of their lives is mapped by the one they call master or mistress.

The bottom line is though that even though the dom is recognized by the sub, the sub sets the pace, and submits to who they feel most comfortable with. I'm no less of a sub because I refuse to sit before a woman I have no respect for.