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Life Update
11 years ago
It's been 4 months since my last journal and since I last uploaded a picture here. And it's been 4 months since I last created art of any kind. I hope that there will be art again in the future but I wont make any promises.
I have a job now as a bat biologist what makes me happy somehow, but I don't have time to draw or to paint because I'm working all day and/or all night long. I have only few spare time and the art block I'm suffering from since more than 4 months now puts all creative works over the edge, including photography.
Furthermore, I have the feeling that my job is the only way to receive encouragement and acknowledgement while no one cares for the art anyway. Because my job is something I am good at. I range the woods by night to ferret out different species of bats and determine them by their ultrasonic sounds. I even have the chance to catch some bats and track them to their nursery roosts. I do this to protect the bats when some corporation plans to clear trees or build something like a road or a wind energy plant. European law dictates that no one may interfere in any ecosystem without a valuation of the risks for the endangered species that live there. And this is my job, I present the facts and this helps to protect the bats.
I think facts are more of a thing for me than creativity is. I will try to do some art again if I find the time, but at this very moment, art seems just meaningless to me. Everything I create is of no worth. I look at it and it seems just soulless to me. The funny thing is, that most of the art others create is also of no worth to me. I look at it and I am unable to see the beauty that other people discover in it. There are only some exceptions of which I think they are precious. But most of the art I see every day, whether I created it myself or it was created by others, even things I still loved some time ago, have become worthless to me. I just feel cold and hard like a part of me died some time ago.
I just feel alive when I am alone in the woods at night and get into situations that demand physically and mentally everything from me. When I overcome these situations, I feel strong.
I'm in the middle of moving to a new home at the edge of the forest, far away from my actual home. I'm living in chaos at the moment while the move just proceeds very slowly because of work, sickness, lots of stuff I assembled over the years and the sheer distance. Yesterday, I've found my father's army boots on the attic. They represent a time when my father was still able to stand and walk, to do things. It is really hard for me to see him fade. I will wear these boots with pride. And I know he is proud of me because I can handle my life now.
I have a job now as a bat biologist what makes me happy somehow, but I don't have time to draw or to paint because I'm working all day and/or all night long. I have only few spare time and the art block I'm suffering from since more than 4 months now puts all creative works over the edge, including photography.
Furthermore, I have the feeling that my job is the only way to receive encouragement and acknowledgement while no one cares for the art anyway. Because my job is something I am good at. I range the woods by night to ferret out different species of bats and determine them by their ultrasonic sounds. I even have the chance to catch some bats and track them to their nursery roosts. I do this to protect the bats when some corporation plans to clear trees or build something like a road or a wind energy plant. European law dictates that no one may interfere in any ecosystem without a valuation of the risks for the endangered species that live there. And this is my job, I present the facts and this helps to protect the bats.
I think facts are more of a thing for me than creativity is. I will try to do some art again if I find the time, but at this very moment, art seems just meaningless to me. Everything I create is of no worth. I look at it and it seems just soulless to me. The funny thing is, that most of the art others create is also of no worth to me. I look at it and I am unable to see the beauty that other people discover in it. There are only some exceptions of which I think they are precious. But most of the art I see every day, whether I created it myself or it was created by others, even things I still loved some time ago, have become worthless to me. I just feel cold and hard like a part of me died some time ago.
I just feel alive when I am alone in the woods at night and get into situations that demand physically and mentally everything from me. When I overcome these situations, I feel strong.
I'm in the middle of moving to a new home at the edge of the forest, far away from my actual home. I'm living in chaos at the moment while the move just proceeds very slowly because of work, sickness, lots of stuff I assembled over the years and the sheer distance. Yesterday, I've found my father's army boots on the attic. They represent a time when my father was still able to stand and walk, to do things. It is really hard for me to see him fade. I will wear these boots with pride. And I know he is proud of me because I can handle my life now.
Great to hear from you
Dann mal wünsch ich euch mal noch einen nicht zu stressigen umzug. Ich hoffe ja mal das ihr immer noch zur EF kommt ^^
Wir kommen übrigens dieses Jahr auch zur Confuzzled. :3
Aber mach dir keinen so großen Kopf drum Joleiiknuff, finds immer gut, wenn sich Leute, speziell furs, für Tier- und Umweltschutz einsetzen / dafür arbeiten :3
Vorlieben ändern sich, kommen und gehen, mach dir darum auch mal nicht so einen großen Kopp :3
Wünsch dir auf jedenfall alles gute und vor allem viel Erfolg beim Umzug, sowas is immer stressig xD
Würd mich freuen, dich dann dieses Jahr auf der EF wenigstens mal bissl näher kennenzulernen als nur durch Fotos machen ^^