Lately can't sleep at all, just full of guilt and horrid thoughts. Self-medication only works so much, and can't afford proper therapy or medication. I feel absolutely terrible, and it's even the top of my list of guilt, but the fact that I cannot handle projects on my own (that is self-employed) that are given to me by people because they thought I could handle it, then I completely don't do it because I get overwhelmed, and well, that bridge just spontaneously combusts, and nothing to put it out with. There's that, that makes me feel horrid, I always had problems with that and still can't get around it. I'd love to get closure from people that seem to drop off the radar, but that won't happen, I'm just one big mess and unstable at that, best not to tell me anything, right? And what is it with employment? Is my skill set that terrible, or is it a terrible resume? I have no idea, and to be honest, I have no dreams, no goals, and no hopes any more to do anything with my life, I'm not even comfortable where I am at, and why should? I try and try to search for some kind of employment, but doesn't matter where I look, I get over looked, or they hear about me and my instability and inability to work with others. That and apparently non-creative or some crazy shit like that. I've never looked at it, but people say I am creative, how? How am I more creative than the rest of you sods? Seems that nobody wants to gamble these days with crazy employees, especially once word gets around. Whatever, that's all.