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All the Anxiety
11 years ago
My two lovely mates 
. I am so happy I fell into their lives. :3
This journal is brought to you by cynicism with a twist of lemon.
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. I am so happy I fell into their lives. :3This journal is brought to you by cynicism with a twist of lemon.
Member of
COME JOIN US! Lately my anxiety has been acting up really bad. Its gotten to the point where I almost think I'm going to have a heart attack or faint. Almost anything or nothing at all can cause me to have an attack. For a few days now I've found myself switching between constant anxiety or crippling depression. Its gotten so bad that I find myself crying over nothing.
Just this evening I found myself bordering on quitting drawing. That, for me, is a HUGE deal. I've been drawing and creating since I was 12. I've longed to make myself into a freelance graphic novel author and have been trying to work towards that goal. I've never once cared if people liked the stories I would tell. I used to just let go and have fun with it. Now I can barely sketch anything. I find myself stressing out over if people will like the things I draw.
I'm almost creatively crippled as well as realizing I have to give up my dream. Not to mention that most of the time it feels like I'm playing to an empty house. All of these problems have been piling up until I almost broke tonight. I almost threw away the one thing that meant everything to me for 95% of my life.
I'm also trapped into getting a job to pay for rent. I have a huge fear of having a job. I don't know why and I wish I didn't. Its just plain uncomfortable have a massive panic attack all the time I'm at work. Sometimes I find myself wishing I could just quit and become a hermit.
TLDR; my anxiety is really bad and I wish I could just do art for my job.
Thanks for reading.
Just this evening I found myself bordering on quitting drawing. That, for me, is a HUGE deal. I've been drawing and creating since I was 12. I've longed to make myself into a freelance graphic novel author and have been trying to work towards that goal. I've never once cared if people liked the stories I would tell. I used to just let go and have fun with it. Now I can barely sketch anything. I find myself stressing out over if people will like the things I draw.
I'm almost creatively crippled as well as realizing I have to give up my dream. Not to mention that most of the time it feels like I'm playing to an empty house. All of these problems have been piling up until I almost broke tonight. I almost threw away the one thing that meant everything to me for 95% of my life.
I'm also trapped into getting a job to pay for rent. I have a huge fear of having a job. I don't know why and I wish I didn't. Its just plain uncomfortable have a massive panic attack all the time I'm at work. Sometimes I find myself wishing I could just quit and become a hermit.
TLDR; my anxiety is really bad and I wish I could just do art for my job.
Thanks for reading.
Then one day... POOF... it went away, never to be seen again. Instantly. No explanation. Soon afterwords I quit my medication cold turkey, and after 2 days of withdrawal, my anxiety never relapsed, at least not for more than a day at a time. Eventually, I attributed my condition to sleep deprivation. It's been hard to fix that, but I've made progress over the years.
Only a doctor knows for sure, but the thing you have to tell yourself is that it's most likely all in your mind. You can get over the the fear of a job, and even the fear of your own body, but it will likely need more of a lifestyle change than just positive thinking. If you're not getting enough sleep, that's a major place to start.
I hope you can feel better about everything soon. *hugs*