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If anyone wants to know. [the real me]
11 years ago
Things you should know about me.
I do not take kindly to obvious flirtatious advances due to the fact that I'm married and though sometimes I'd like to wring his neck I love him dearly and do not wish to upset him.
I am pregnant with my first child, Its a girl, Her name is to be Annemarie Rose, but you may call her Rosie cause that is her sona name for my furry 'clan'. I'm in the very late weeks 35 weeks along tomorrow. So this is the main reason for art delays if anyone was wondering. Also I have gestational diabetes, a thing that pregnant women get, normally its for the heavier set women but I'm one of the odd few super tiny thin people that have developed it. With that being said I'm on a diet, I call it a reverse diet, because they encourage me to eat non-sugary fat things as much as I want however I have a strict carb intake that I'm allotted each meal. I also have to take a spring loaded needle and prick my finger tips four times a day to test my sugars and also retain a schedule. All of this is not bad its just tedious and hard for me to retain a schedule when I get distracted by arts and people and games.
For the next couple days I'm going to be pretty out of it due to the fact I just updated my vaccines since I'm so close to the end of my pregnancy. So Please excuse my wonky assness and possible bitchy childish remarks.
Also because of this child of mine I do not have any money I can spend on arts, so please don't think of me as a freebie whore, I just love all the art of the people I'm watching I just can't buy it, so if they offer a chance at free art I'm going to jump on it because I respect them as artists and enjoy their art. If I were rich I'd commission a piece from every artist that I hold dear and admire. Trust me that's a very very very very long list. Another thing this child of mine is preventing me from doing is changing my photo id to my married name and getting my name changed on my bank account thus making it so my paypal does not work until I do these things. Thus making it nearly impossible for me to even ask for money for my arts, not that I think its worth it but hey in my world a dollar goes a long way.
I am not diagnosed with these things but I'm sure I suffer from minor forms because of everything, Depression and anxiety. The reason I'm not diagnosed is when ever I'm around a doctor I cant help but smile and put on a mask and hide the true me, I also do this with people, I'm sorry its just what I was forced into thinking. "Nothings wrong with you why are you crying?" "Oh come on that didnt hurt why are you crying?" Things that would be said to me after I'd been slapped across the face for saying no or yes the wrong way. These things lead me to hide my true feelings, except anger that you can see painted on my face when its present. I just feel like Im in a hole of darkness and sometimes I can climb out of it and truly smile but mostly my smiling is hiding darker things like all the What ifs and self hatred and mistrust in myself.
None of My Sonas or characters are the real me they are all based on the happy bits that I have or want to be. Please note I'm not saying I want to be a stripper or a whore like my more out there characters, they are my symbolization of Sexy, I want to feel sexy in my own skin and actually believe people when they say I'm beautiful. The closest character/sonas that are me, are Kita and Zoya. Smush the two together and you got me on most days. However when gaming, dnd style, Suzzane is the closest representation of me. So that its another reason for all my characters are my sonas, Just depends on who I feel like most that day. Confusing I know but just to let everyone of you know why I call all of them my Sonas.
I think thats all I can really blurb out. If you have any questions or things you'd like to know. You can shoot my a note or comment here. I want at least someone to know the real me 100% so Im not so alone in my head.
I do not take kindly to obvious flirtatious advances due to the fact that I'm married and though sometimes I'd like to wring his neck I love him dearly and do not wish to upset him.
I am pregnant with my first child, Its a girl, Her name is to be Annemarie Rose, but you may call her Rosie cause that is her sona name for my furry 'clan'. I'm in the very late weeks 35 weeks along tomorrow. So this is the main reason for art delays if anyone was wondering. Also I have gestational diabetes, a thing that pregnant women get, normally its for the heavier set women but I'm one of the odd few super tiny thin people that have developed it. With that being said I'm on a diet, I call it a reverse diet, because they encourage me to eat non-sugary fat things as much as I want however I have a strict carb intake that I'm allotted each meal. I also have to take a spring loaded needle and prick my finger tips four times a day to test my sugars and also retain a schedule. All of this is not bad its just tedious and hard for me to retain a schedule when I get distracted by arts and people and games.
For the next couple days I'm going to be pretty out of it due to the fact I just updated my vaccines since I'm so close to the end of my pregnancy. So Please excuse my wonky assness and possible bitchy childish remarks.
Also because of this child of mine I do not have any money I can spend on arts, so please don't think of me as a freebie whore, I just love all the art of the people I'm watching I just can't buy it, so if they offer a chance at free art I'm going to jump on it because I respect them as artists and enjoy their art. If I were rich I'd commission a piece from every artist that I hold dear and admire. Trust me that's a very very very very long list. Another thing this child of mine is preventing me from doing is changing my photo id to my married name and getting my name changed on my bank account thus making it so my paypal does not work until I do these things. Thus making it nearly impossible for me to even ask for money for my arts, not that I think its worth it but hey in my world a dollar goes a long way.
I am not diagnosed with these things but I'm sure I suffer from minor forms because of everything, Depression and anxiety. The reason I'm not diagnosed is when ever I'm around a doctor I cant help but smile and put on a mask and hide the true me, I also do this with people, I'm sorry its just what I was forced into thinking. "Nothings wrong with you why are you crying?" "Oh come on that didnt hurt why are you crying?" Things that would be said to me after I'd been slapped across the face for saying no or yes the wrong way. These things lead me to hide my true feelings, except anger that you can see painted on my face when its present. I just feel like Im in a hole of darkness and sometimes I can climb out of it and truly smile but mostly my smiling is hiding darker things like all the What ifs and self hatred and mistrust in myself.
None of My Sonas or characters are the real me they are all based on the happy bits that I have or want to be. Please note I'm not saying I want to be a stripper or a whore like my more out there characters, they are my symbolization of Sexy, I want to feel sexy in my own skin and actually believe people when they say I'm beautiful. The closest character/sonas that are me, are Kita and Zoya. Smush the two together and you got me on most days. However when gaming, dnd style, Suzzane is the closest representation of me. So that its another reason for all my characters are my sonas, Just depends on who I feel like most that day. Confusing I know but just to let everyone of you know why I call all of them my Sonas.
I think thats all I can really blurb out. If you have any questions or things you'd like to know. You can shoot my a note or comment here. I want at least someone to know the real me 100% so Im not so alone in my head.
Congrats on the pregnancy. Hope you feel better.
I have 3 sona's and might have a fourth soon, and still their is me in basically the some cast of probably 30+ growing, so when you say "confusing" I say, I get it.
As far as anxiety/depression, I gave up on even trying for medication because just made feel worse, but maybe you should try some med treatment. If you can do things to improve your quality of life (to me that's what it is), you should try. That is about all I can say.
My .000001 Cents