It's been a long long time since I last posted a journal. This is just an update.

I know a lot of the people I used to talk to a lot I haven't been talking to.

It's not as much my fault as I wish it were. If it were my fault, then that would mean that I could fix it.

So here's what's up:

My sleep cycle has inverted.

My step-dad lost his job so I'm under a lot of family and financial stress. My college career might end with this semester.

The amount of homework I have crowds over my free time so I'm spending less time online. While writing this journal, I'm acknowledging I'm more than two days behind on homework that's due tomorrow and Thursday.

The rate at which my mental state is deteriorating is making it harder and harder to form sentences in chats and while writing. That being said, it's getting hard to read text. You don't know how many times I've had to reread something six or seven times in order to feel confident that I read it correctly.

I feel incredibly alone, and all this stress is just reminding me of how I feel about a lot of things (and also bringing up bad memories), resulting in more panging sadness and reminiscence of heartbreak.

My increasing unease is starting to make me feel constantly ill from emotional stress.

My self-confidence has bottomed out, I want to live in a hole and forget the rest of the world exists.

It's one of those times where I wish I could be around just one person for a while, and currently, there's no one I know that I want in that spot. It carries more implications than I think you might glean from this.


Please have a better week/month/(whatever time period it is until I post again) than I am.

I love you.