http://www.furaffinity.net/view/12921787/

I think last night I just sat there staring at this image for an hour before I went to bed. Although it wasn't at one in the morning. And no booze. And I was listening to "He lives in you" by Lebo M. It still somehow illustrates the way I've been feeling the last couple weeks or maybe months in a way that left me speechless...

I feel that over the course of last winter I've lost touch with so many people everywhere that I feel close to. The energy and the magic of last year's summer that felt eternal was gradually replaced with the emotional wasteland of computer science classes, and the day to day maneuvering around in a society that I can't figure out how to connect with and never did. So many hopes and expectations that didn't come true in one way or another. I'm looking for something that makes me curious, and makes me want to invest personally again.

I feel disconnected from the spirit that brought me into the furry fandom and how I used to relate to it ... like my furry is on vacation or something. I feel disheartened (but not disappointed though) and I'm longing for that invisible presence that I've felt comforting around me and grew to be a part of me so quickly until I couldn't imagine being left without anymore. That always made my dark moments just that little bit brighter, that was my mirror and my guide in a newfound world of hope and magic for such a long time, that I felt would be my trusted companion forever. But that I can't touch anymore.

Sitting at the university in a lab room full of softly humming stamped sheet metal cases that I can relate to more than the people on the row of terminals behind me, I just felt like I needed to express that somehow. Even though I have no idea if it makes sense to anyone else. So if you haven't heard much from me in a while, thats probably the reason why. In time I'll figure it out and find my way again.