I did it before in 2010. I'm back here again.

My wife of 15 years has initiated another round of separation, this time we will be separated by a good 4 1/2 hour drive so no booty calls from her asking me to come over and "talk" this time. She wants to know what it feels like to be on her own and do things for herself. I'm fine with that, 3 months well sacrificed in my opinion, but it also seems like she just is not as invested in this relationship as I am and I just - the way we left it, I'm becoming increasingly pessimistic about this relationship of 16 years making it to 17. This might be running to the end of the tracks, here. I'm not happy about it, but she and her brother are both right, I do deserve better than to be in a relationship with someone who isn't as committed to it as I am.

She keeps saying I would be able to do so much more if she wasn't in the picture. Travel. Do conventions. I know that I've minimized these things because of her. It was a fair trade to me. The relationship was worth not networking with comics pros and building in person fan bases. I was happy. I had found a way to support myself with my art, and I was married to a woman I loved. I had made peace that we don't have kids after 15 years of marriage and that parenthood was not something I could have, outside of adoption. And hell, even adoption is for rich people these days, not a couple living paycheck to paycheck (project to project?).

Now - there's a big black hole waiting for me in 3 months and 6 months left on my apartment lease and the future is not certain at all. But I guess that's an illusion, after all. The future is never, ever certain.