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My Great Uncle
11 years ago
General
My great uncle was coming down off a week long bender and woke up to find himself wandering in the Arabian Desert, well while he was trying to find something to drink which wasn't water he was surrounded by Dervish Raiders who were going to cut his tonk off for trespassing on their desert.
When he begged for any other punishment they told him he could attempt the 3 tests of manhood, but if he failed any of the tests they would cut off head. Well after pondering for a moment he said he'd give them a try after all he did all his thinking with the lower head anyway.
He was told the three tests were simple, First he had to drink an entire jug of fermented mare's milk in a single drought, then after that he had to pull a diseased tooth from a tiger's mouth, then having passed the first 2 and in the same night he has to make love to a woman until she was satisfied.
They brought him a 2 gallon jug of the nastiest smelling stuff he had ever smelled in his life, the first sip he was about to spit it out when a 1,000 generations of Russian and Irish ancestors welled up in his soul and yelled, "DON'T DO IT LAD, THERE BE BOOZE IN THAT!" And he sucked all down in one go.
Being a bit unsteady after that they took him to the tent with the tiger and gave him a pair of pliers. He gave them a funny look, tossed the pliers behind him, rolled up both sleeves and went in. Moment later the tiger screamed and the tent started rocking back and forth. The tiger tried to run out and he dragged back in by the tail. After a long while the tiger was quite and the tent still.
My great uncle staggered out his clothes shredded all messed up, bent down picked up the pliers and yelled, "All right where's the lady with the toothache?"
When he begged for any other punishment they told him he could attempt the 3 tests of manhood, but if he failed any of the tests they would cut off head. Well after pondering for a moment he said he'd give them a try after all he did all his thinking with the lower head anyway.
He was told the three tests were simple, First he had to drink an entire jug of fermented mare's milk in a single drought, then after that he had to pull a diseased tooth from a tiger's mouth, then having passed the first 2 and in the same night he has to make love to a woman until she was satisfied.
They brought him a 2 gallon jug of the nastiest smelling stuff he had ever smelled in his life, the first sip he was about to spit it out when a 1,000 generations of Russian and Irish ancestors welled up in his soul and yelled, "DON'T DO IT LAD, THERE BE BOOZE IN THAT!" And he sucked all down in one go.
Being a bit unsteady after that they took him to the tent with the tiger and gave him a pair of pliers. He gave them a funny look, tossed the pliers behind him, rolled up both sleeves and went in. Moment later the tiger screamed and the tent started rocking back and forth. The tiger tried to run out and he dragged back in by the tail. After a long while the tiger was quite and the tent still.
My great uncle staggered out his clothes shredded all messed up, bent down picked up the pliers and yelled, "All right where's the lady with the toothache?"
Your great uncle is a badass.