Hey guys..

Why am I posting this?
Cause I'm brave, and I freaking need help.

Really freaking badly.. this has been happening for about a week, and it won't go away.

Usually, after a breakup, girls will feel sad at first, then they will get over their ex in less than a month. This was my pattern;

*First night; wOOHOO I'M FREE 8'D
Week; Moved on. Yes! :3
Now; Oh god what have I done... maybe he was the one.*


^That's not usual.
So if I had to say one last thing about it to him.. it would be;

---

Dear Someone,

Stop haunting my dreams. Please set me free. Why can't I forget about you.. was it the way you comforted me every night, was it how much you loved me, was it everything we went through? ... I don't even know if this is my fault or your fault anymore. I can't tell. I don't know if I'm getting blinded by you again, or if was me just waking up from people blinding me about the bad things about you. I have bumped into other guys.. none were as great as you. The first one turned out to be this creepy 13 year old kid, who thought rape was actually funny. Then, a friend that I'm actually talking to now, is a complete jerk. He uses "sarcasm" as an excuse for everything, and most of the things he says completely hurt my feelings. I know that you have hurt my feelings, and have scared me multiple times, and because of that, I probably won't get back with you, all of that is just in my dreams and fantasy now; I know it won't happen. I'm sorry I was rude to you, I really didn't mean to be rude.. I'm so, so sorry. I have been crying for the past week, because I have been missing you so much. Not as an ex boyfriend, I just missed you. I missed seeing you on Livestreams, being as random as possible, I missed our conversations, (the good ones, not the ones that were just a bunch of sad crap.), I miss your voice, I miss the way you would tell me that you wouldn't let anything get to me, I miss your comfort, I miss your sweet personality, I miss the real you... not that depressing side that destroyed our relationship.. where did you go.

When anybody says your name, I wanna run away.. sometimes, I think so much about you that I get to the point of puking, almost.. literally. I keep remembering, I can't forget you.. really, I have cried five days in a row, just seeing or hearing your name kills me inside.

I miss our friendship. I did delete my chat account, because I wanted to escape the reality I was in.. at first, it worked. Then, something caught me, and I realized I never did escape, nor did I try hard enough to. Sometimes, I wish I could have amnesia, so I can forget about everything that happened and get you out of my head. Some days, I wish I could just die already, so I can be happy in Heaven, and I would be too happy to deal with this crap. But, that can't happen, and I won't kill myself over something so unforgetful, but..

* I c a n ' t f o r g e t a b o u t y o u *

No matter who came in my way, no matter what happens.. it's not gonna happen. I wish I could, I just don't know how. It's like everyday, I'm Elsa, telling herself to conceal her feelings and don't let it show. But sometimes, I just have to let it go.. and this is where it starts.

I won't talk to you in a while, though, because I am going to try again to forget about you. I just have to.. I'm sorry.. if I don't, I could end up killing myself or hurting myself. Please, understand.. stay awesome.. and ... I have always loved you. Did that go away? No.. but it needs to.

- Amy

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That's what I would have said.
But, I just don't know anymore..
I even feel guilty when I talk to his sister, which happens to be my best friend.

I need help.

I don't want this to become a problem, I want it to stop before it does become one.

I want the real me back.