Sorry I still haven't been all that active recently, like, anywhere. There's actually a lot more to it than just "general distractedness" or getting "busy with Christmas" and stuff like that. I've really been kind of out of it this entire month and due to none of those reasons or any other you might have thought. Really, it's something a lot more important. The truth is... I'm in love. :3

It's still an entirely new feeling for me and one that I'm really still trying to get used to. I've kept it kind of quiet, leaving only subtle hints here and there, because my love isn't really like so many "loves" or "relationships" out there -- we kept it quiet for awhile just because we knew all that was important was loving each other, not necessarily bragging about it LIKE EVERYONE ELSE IN THE WORLD DOES or trying to make a huge big deal about it to anyone else, because realistically, no one else cares as much as we do, but we both knew that there'd be a day when we'd want to tell everyone.

So yes, before I go any further with the history and exactly how your little Zeph's fallen in love and had that love returned so, so much, let me just say it right here, right now. I love you,  odoeojoao. <3 I really do... I love you so much, and I am so glad that our friendship gave us both something that we've always longed for but never thought possible: real, true love.

That little speech thing I wrote up like a week or two ago, about my powerful realizations, about that I knew the reason I was DESTINED to write... well, it was about her, really. Had I not have taken up writing, I don't think we ever would have met. I can't even imagine that... but it's like, clear as day now that it was something I was meant to do. Just like she was meant to be in her past relationship with another friend of mine that, well, I guess I haven't talked to in a few months, so it's probably best that we've all moved on.

Anyway... it all started, well, right around this time last year, when someone left a comment on Ch. 4 of Middle of Nowhere saying that he read it with his gf and they both loved it. I thought that was just so cute, the thought of a couple reading a story I wrote of that nature, hehe, it was just adorable.

On New Year's Day, at like 3 am, we talked for the first time in a chat. She was so shy and timid back then, hehe. Through the next few months, we'd talk from time to time, but it wasn't until I was gone for a week in April that things really started happening. She was having relationship trouble with that one friend and had no one else to talk to about it, so when I was there for her to try and help and listen, helping calm her down, we really started to become a lot better of friends.

It was so tough, because I wanted them back together so badly. It felt like a dream was ending or something. But months passed and there was very little luck. Only sadness, though us two talked a lot more. I always looked forward to signing on MSN to talk to her every night, because I felt useful, helpful, and I knew that she really needed it. Eventually I started suggesting that it just wasn't a good idea for them to be together anymore, really just going along with what she was saying, because she just kept getting hurt and hurt with every attempt.

In September, you may recall I left for a week. Well... you see, in late August, she told me that I was her best friend, and I really realized that she was one of mine, too, like, really. I never thought of her like that before, because I really don't have many 'best friends,' and I haven't even really known her as long as the only others I did consider to be. Sure, I have lots of friends, but I really don't open up to a lot of people and mainly just exist to try and help them out. That's just me. And no one ever told me anything like that before, so it was a really nice shock.

Anyway, back to the September thing. Maybe a week after that, I started developing a crush on her, hehe. It was pretty cute, but it hurt so bad, because I didn't want her to ever think that was the only reason I wanted to be her best friend -- even now, it wasn't the reason! It was just something on the side poking at me, tormenting me so much. ;_; I really wanted her to know that I'd always be her best friend and didn't want her to ever question my motives. But in the first week of September, I told her that I did like her, because I realized that maybe she felt like no one liked her, and even if she didn't like me back or anything, if I just let her know that someone did like her, well, everyone likes to feel 'liked.' I know that the one time I felt liked in my life, I enjoyed it, even if it did lead to disaster and heartbreak. I felt I owed it to her to tell her that.

After I told her, though, nothing changed between us. That was just what I had prepared myself for, but I had to admit a part of me felt a bit sad that she didn't seem to have the same feelings for me, so a week later, after crying myself to sleep for several nights, realizing just how hard it was to know that I really might not be together with the ABSOLUTE PERFECT GIRL for me... she was just so amazing then (and is, omg, even moreso now, just so there's no doubt). But I'm so shy around love and stuff... and I dunno, as my feelings grew and I felt hers didn't, I eventually hit my breaking point and decided to leave for a week to try to get over it, to 'fall out of love with her,' so to speak, so I could be the BEST FRIEND she deserved rather than me always wishing for something more.

Well, here's something I never really said to any of you: I actually didn't last the whole week. I snuck on to talk to her, like, after only 3 or 4 days. I just couldn't STAND being away from her. We talked every single day prior to that point, I'm pretty sure. I got on and talked to her, and we were friends like we'd never been before. It did really help rejuvenate both of our friendship. :3 I also opened up and told her things that I really hadn't told anyone before, because I really did trust her that much. After that, I was no longer bothered by my feelings, because I knew that I could love her without being loved back and everything was fine and dandy again. :3

However, October took things for a spin. There was this other girl, in person, and she asked me out after showing me naked pics of her. Lol. Now, I've never even been asked out before -- I'm a recluse, what can I say -- but I had a pretty clear idea of where that'd lead and, ugh, it was a lie to say it wasn't tempting. :( But I was already in love. I had to confide to :userodoeojoao: the whole thing that was going on, because I needed to vent and she needed to know what was going on. I didn't want anything to interfere with our friendship, but I was also really torn because so badly, SO BADLY did I want someone to love (not for sex, but genuinely for love itself), and I was really convinced that :userodoeojoao: didn't really love me back just then... and may never. But honestly... she was still my best friend and I had to hold onto that hope that someday, someday, even years from now, she'd feel the same. I told her that I did love her then... and I was just so scared of doing it, because I was so worried that it'd ruin our friendship or she'd think that I was having these expectations of her loving me back or I wouldn't be her friend or something. I needed her to know that I'd ALWAYS be her best friend, love or not, but it was also extremely difficult because of that one girl that nearly came between us because, because of my feelings for :userodoeojoao:, I had to turn down something I'd always longed for all for just a hope and a chance...

Anyway, the long and short of it from there on in was that we became even better friends afterwards, sticking together through a few arguments here and there, while also enjoying times that we'd send each other letters and watch Welcome to the NHK together. She really was the best friend that I ever could have asked for, ever. Deep down, I still hoped that someday we'd be together, just because I really did love her so much... but I knew that if I ever said I loved her again, it'd seem like I was trying to force her to say the same, just to 'comply' -- one thing I NEVER EVER wanted to do was to have her feel forced to love me. If we were destined to be together, I wanted her to fall in love with me without any pressure, solely because SHE genuinely felt it. That's really how love should be... completely mutual and uninfluenced by pressure or anything else. Not that it made it any easier or anything...

But, yeah... on the night of Saturday, November 29th -- technically it was November 30th, a Sunday -- she told me that she loved me. I was up til past 3 am talking with her then, completely in shock and just so... so... I dunno. It felt like a dream. It felt like an absolute dreeeaaamm. In fact, I told her that night to pinch me in the morning to make sure it wasn't a dream. The next day, it really was real, and we both saw each other in an entirely different way. There were hearts, smiles, and love everywhere. We didn't say "I love you" that often at first, because it was still so new to us and SO MANY PEOPLE SAY THOSE WORDS WITHOUT MEANING IT that it just completely ruins the point. But that night, while I was away, she said them and when I got back and read her saying that, it really, really did feel like she wasn't just doing it for me, but she really, really did love me, ME, just for who I am, completely out of her own free will, love, me, Zeph, love. <3

That's pretty much our story of how we fell in love. What I later found out that just made me SO HAPPY on the inside... was that really, when I was all crying and stuff in September and October, always wishing deep down that she loved me... well, she actually did. Neither of us wanted to ruin our amazing friendship. We valued that even more than our feelings for each other. She drew a really cute drawing the first day I wasn't there, and she showed it to me, and it just really showed me how much she cared when I thought she didn't. She really was just as much in love with me as I was with her, all throughout that time. Knowing us, there was probably one moment that it really just clicked in our minds and we knew that we were in love. What amazes me is thinking that it's entirely possible that it hit her first, hehe, which was certainly something I didn't consider way back then.

I wanna talk about Sunnnn ( odoeojoao). Yes, Sun. Really, honestly, [strike]I don't think there is[/strike] there's NO ONE ELSE ON THIS PLANET as awesome as her, at least, to me, and that's what matters most. Not only is she my first and only love, but I know, without a doubt, that she is the person I am meant to spend the rest of my life with. She's the only love I'd ever need, ever. We are SO UNBELIEVABLY ALIKE in so many ways, even down to little quirks and things that we thought no one else could ever understand. Our Chinese Zodiac signs are unbelievably compatible and both of us really believe strongly in our Zodiac animals, the Goat/Sheep and the Rabbit. :3

She LIKES READING MY STORIES! omfg, you have no idea how much that means to me... even the 100% absolute PERFECT GIRL OF MY DREAMS I didn't think would not just tolerate my 'interests,' *cough"Pokemon"cough* but actually be into them as well, and really, really like the stuff I do. To be able to still write and not just feel guilty or like it's some "guy" thing, but to know that she enjoys it as well, aww, awwww... I just love it. It means so much.

We have three beliefs that we hold so high and will ALWAYS do our best to follow: Honesty! Understanding! Openness! We will always be honest to each other and don't need to hide things or question things. We will always understand each other's quirks, flaws, mistakes, falters, or problems, no matter how bad they may be. And, we will always be open about our problems and do our best to make sure that we really are as one and as comfortable around each other as possible. I know that due to my shyness, I still need work on that third one, hehe, but she's really helping and I guarantee you I am more open to her than anyone else in the world. :3 That's what love really should be. And that's just one of the reasons I love her so much. SO MUCH! <3

We've talked to each other every single day since I got back talking to her in September, and most of the time our average is about 6 hours of talking time every day. Yet even with all that, we're still not sick of each other, lol, and we only grow closer all the time. :3

I know that a lot of "couples" are "so sure" that they'll "be together forever." But I really feel we will be. I've seen so many relationships fade over the course of my life, but they all have reasons behind them. I know that -I- would NEVER leave Sun, because honestly, if I did, it'd be just conceding to love in general -- there's no one else I could be more comfortable with loving, ever, ever. Even the odds that we're together in the first place are so astronomical that it has to be destiny. And thankfully she feels exactly the same! :3 We have no worries about falling in love with anyone else or falling out of love with each other. None at all.

But also, in regards to that whole "couples" thing. Just so it's clear... we aren't "boyfriend and girlfriend." We don't like the terms. It sounds too... unappreciated. Everyone just goes on about their "new girlfriend" or talk about them like they're some kind of trophy. So it's clear, Sun isn't my "girlfriend." Zeph isn't Sun's "boyfriend." We're each other's BEST FRIENDS and we are IN LOVE. <3 We have one of those rare loves that really is built on a VERY STRONG friendship, one that we would sacrifice our own feelings for, as evident from our tears shed getting to this point. Hehe. We do both like the term "mate" and "mates" to refer to us. It's cute and it works. Soooo, Sun's my MATE, and Zeph is her MATE, and we're MATES, yeyyy! <3

And yes, we're an unorthodox couple. I guess we both have "Pokesonas" now just because we like drawing and it's fun to draw each other, hehe. I am, big surprise, a Buizel. She is, amazingly enough, a Larvitar! (Sometimes a Tyranitar or Pupitar, too, 'cept I'm worse at drawing them, hehe.) Yes, a Larvitar and a Buizel! Isn't that just ADORABLE! <3 And no, neither of us want kids at all, so don't say anything about our egg groups, lol. (Us not wanting kids is something awesome that we found out about each other, like, way back before my crush started, hehe. <3 And she's so, sooooo relieved that I don't want any.)

So yes, hi, I'm sorry I've been spending less and less time with FA and playing video games and writing and stuff like that, but I do that stuff for fun, because it's something I want to do. Now I want to spend my time with Sun because she's what makes me happier than anything else in the world. Even after Christmas, with a new Xbox 360 and Oblivion and Guitar Hero World Tour, I much prefer talking with her than doing anything else. Don't worry, though; I will still write, I will still draw, and I will still read and stuff. But it is on a lower priority now compared to what it was before we became mates, hehe.

Speaking of which, I still need to finish Fleeting Friendship, hehe... Well yeah, anyway, sorry for the epicly long Journal entry, but it is just so important to me to let it all out. For all my life, love has only been something in my head, something that I've tried to capture in the form of stories, using that as my only release. Now I feel so at ease with the world now that I feel it for myself, really, genuinely, and absolutely. I love you, Sun!

<3
Sun and Zeph