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just have to say this.
11 years ago
before you say im being a drama lama or all those wounderful things this is a story that any one can push trough a horrible life and hope for something better, even if they dont know what that is. but first you have to hear my story.
Well lets start from what i remember, as a child my real mom and dad would fight and my dad would hit her, but we had good times few from what i remember but i hope there were good times, i get small spurts of memory from back then but only pictures no emotion and im always alone. most of my memorys is of my dad or mom fighting, or me and my brother being in foster care, we were in 2 foster homes early on in our child hood, both were hellish nightmares in them selfs people just looking at us like price tags over people, calling me a baby cause i wet my bed and most times treating me as such, but my entire child hood i was mean and aggressive to others i was born with many disability that until recently i felt dictated my life. first true tract of memory is when im older 6-7 ish, my mom is being married to a wonderful guy named jack he is sweet and careing helpful in the fact that he inspired me to be something more, that was the first year at least. when i turned 8 years old, i was tired of the hate and pain in my life, at 8 i was being told ill never ammount to anything or be any one my dreams were crushed by my family and my teachers, i was a angery kid and i would act out my special ed teach would twist my arm behind my back as a means of restraining me, i didn't like that and caused her much pain and hospitalized her, i still wish to apologize to her one day. but the day that made my life a liveing hell was this day driving home from school like most days 3 hours early cause the school couldn't handle me my mom yelling at me in words i cant remember i just wanted it to stop i wanted to just end it, i tred to jump from the car, door was locked so i crawled into the back seat, or at least tried, rest is a blur till we got to the human services building were we talked to a case worker and she recommended i be institutionalized, this entire time i was throwing a temper tantrum biteing kicking punching my mom i was a true evil child, i look back on it now and i wish i didnt do those things to her and others. i was put in the back of a sheriffs car and driven to mendota mental heath, i was there for 6 months, i was told i was sick and given so many drugs that i felt like a ghost, just a un feeling ghost, the meds did little more then that it gave me time to suppress my anger and rage on my own terms tho, still of minor out bursts but thats later on. durring my 6 months there it was uneventful a normal ish life remember alot of it but in reality i was alone, locked away for most of the time sept for a few hours were i was in the community room with other angery kids. i wasn't like them i was quiet and smart behaved even. when i got out i expected to be heading to a home, but it wasnt to a home it was to a camp ground and a small tent had my name on it, it was okay there, peaceful unless my brother pissed me off but he was never a issue he cares about me even if he is a asshole, i still had to deal with jack saying i was worthless and calling me a wimp a crazy idiot dummy you get the picture, at this stage i belived them depression was a common state for me a 9 yo knowing he had nothing to give life that death was a preferd over life, i would wet the bed even now, but wasn't in diapers least not yet (not even for night time) and my brother would pick on me for that causing me to be self confident about everything. a year went by there with this being the story of my time, we moved to another campground and it was plesent there one of my more happyer times were i figured i could move on, but then the story of my life me and my brother get put into foster care for the third time, we went to a foster care were even tho i was 9 years old i still wet the bed, the "mother" would give me a look of disaproval like it was my fault, they put me in daipers and made me sleep in a actual crib were i had to curl up to sleep in, i grew accustomed to sleeping like this and it provides a level of security now when im upset, we were there for 1 year then moved back in with my mom and jack, we still were at a campground but only for a few weeks we moved into a house in wautoma,wi i was 10 years old, at this stage i was figureing out that i needed to become smarter cause no one was gonna help me in my life, i played video games taught my self what i needed to learn and many other things, wautoma was a real small town with nothing to do, we were poor and jack insisted i was a worthless waste of space, i found comfort in my dog smokie she was my first best freind a pillar of support some one that no madder how bad i felt i could rely on her to cheer me up, we lived there for a few years i think before my mom the lovely drunk she is hit my brother and we were once again taken away to foster care, i met a foster mom named debbie, she was nice ish, she treated her kids like they were gold and could do no wrong, my brother was treated like silver he could do wrong but didnt, me the lil bed wetter that no one liked was treated like dirt, but oh well at this stage cause i didnt give a shit, i was gonna do things my way tho my way was a learning process, school was a fight kids would pick on me for being smelly, well when u wet your bed in the morning and sleep in it for a few hours hard to scrub that smell out i would fight failed every class and my teachers principle all thought i was stupid dumb retarded bunch of other things, i spent 2 years in foster care and came home to an apartment complex in watuoma, smokie was put to sleep or so i think idk i hope not she was a sweet heart. i am 13 at this stage finding out about who i am found out that i was gay for one liked wearing costumes and hated that i wore diapers at night, first love was a neighbor kid named taylor we would kiss and stuff he didnt like it at all but he did it cause i was nice to him, his life was also hell tho i know little details about that, i would spend as little time at home as possible, bike rides walks w/e to keep me from that place, i had to i couldnt take jacks yelling at me it was wearing down the wall i built up to hide my emotions my anger everything, through this i found out i was a furry, this brought alot of joy to my life almost a spark of happyness, but then jack lossed his job we moved became homeless again and now i was stuck at home again traped to deal with a drunk mom and a step dad that wished i was dead, loved my brother tho cause he was a gear head like him, well i chose to block that place out, dont remeber anything, we moved to a home that i thought would be permanent,i was wrong, at this stage im 14 years old and i stoped bed wetting, still a furry and still love costumes, i would steal them when possible, still treated like dirt but i could care less i was else were most of my day playing video games being my own person, would come home and well lets just say i hated life there every little bit of it, i still had some diapers in my closet and one night i was really horney for some reason i put one on and just felt comfortable, i used the rest of the pack over a few days, was upset when they ran out, my day to day life was boreing and hellish had no freinds was alone no one to talk to and the freinds i did have i lied to cause well i had nothing better to do, when years passed by with nothing going on more yelling and screaming more bull shit i couldnt handle, i was 17 when i was fed up with life passing me by, i wanted to do something, well my mom was pushing my ssi along and miracle happen i got it. tho it was more of a shitty lined story with some silver in it, i got 17,000 dollars (seems like alot right just wait) that was all mine or so i thought, first thing i bought was a labtop -1000 then with that labtop i found more furry stuff, i ment my first true freind, ino98777 she was awsome funny honest and real person i could talk to, i bought my first fursuit akamaru for 250 dollars i loved it, wore it when ever i could, i even bought some diapers, a full pair a pajamas (diego cause hes awsome) and then worked on my fursonna and had him made into a partial from ino98777 too for 750. life is going good at this stage till one day jack comes to me and he needs money, first a few hundred here and there then 500 here and there then one day he needs 2500 dollars for meds and bills, i give it to him even tho hes a asshole, at this stadge with my 600 a month income im down to 5000 dollars, thats fine i went to cali to meet ino98777 and pick up my fursuit, i took my mom with me cause i was afraid to go alone, i was shy when there even in my fursuit i spent most the week in my room still had fun. my mom had a blast, i met omega my first gay friend he was awesome to say the least and he introduced me to the baby fur world thanks for that lol. well we get home and at this stage i got 2500 dollars to my name totaly fine cause i got 600 a month income, jack and my mom steal 2000 dollars from me, thats fine 500 with a income w/e, a month gose by no check another month no check, at this stage i had to pay rent at 250 so im broke and my credit card is maxed so im screwed no check again, then i get a letter saying that my ssi has been canceled and it was already past the appeal date. i was a idiot kid, should have done something about my parents, well im now in debt and im only 17 try to get a job and cannot wasnt trying to hard thought, i was lonely and depressed again no money for fur cons but still had my adult baby stuff and fursuits so i was reasonably happy, at this stage i found comfort in the community i had furry freinds and i was even looking for a daddy many were half there and half gone, caused me great pain, i found a game called second life, i started a clothing shop and general house shop, had a sl family with a mommah that liked haveing pets, i funded her joys many thousands of dollars earn from my shops when to her joys, i didnt care i though she was there for me i was there for her even though her baby scare offerd her a home irl every thing i was makeing $5000 a month real cash off this game, i offerd to be her bf in game and marry her and help her with money, she took that offer and turned it down and dated a guy we both knew would treat her right, tho i knew she would hurt him like she hurt me, i left sl cause i couldnt take the lies and drama. i was alone again, nothing to do in life depressed no money my family still sucked ass, jack a even bigger ass hole since i was no longer giving him money, years went by truely feeling worthless again trying to find a daddy to take me from this hell, well after many more heart breaks i found andy, at first he called me a freak and was disgusted by my furryness, but after a while we talked more and more found that we had alot in common, fell in love, he wasnt rich or sexy he was like me a nice guy that was there for you, he moved from Tennessee to Indiana then to WI to live with me my mom jack and my brother, jack hated this he hated that i was gay and my bf was in the house, tho he had nothing to say cause we were losing the house any ways, he kicked my mom me and andy out we moved in with my grandma, i loved it there some drama but not to bad, andy got into trucking and got a job with swift, he loved to drive, eventually we left my grandmas, and i went on the road with andy, it was heaven i loved it with him i was truly happy, but with life there are kinks in plans, my mom was homeless and for some reason i felt i needed to help her, she forced us to by guilt tripping us into renting a house with her, this was fine made money tight but it was fine, we had a roommate move in with us but she caused issues in its self, but wasn't just her my mom was a drunk and so was she, so just made things hellish, we got kicked out of there and move into a trailer, my mom came with and live with us for a while till she moved out this was awesome me and andy alone at last money still tight but we were in heaven , then andys unemployment cut out, (long story there but yea) and we were again out of money and i had a small income of 100 a week from dollar general but that wasn't enough we got kicked out a little over 4 months ago now, we moved to indiana with his sister, and well im working at dollar general.
with all this being said i know its a long and hard to read story but all true none the less, me and andy are happy even tho we are homeless and broke, i am a kind and gental person i love to help people and even trough all my pain and suffering i have pulled out to be a better person, im strong but at the same time i have weaknesses, at this stage in my life i seek to do something with my life even tho i do not know what.
this stands to prove i hope that no madder how bad life gets you can pull something good out of it, i just wish i could do more to pass this on to others, but i lack the skills the courage and the ability too. just remember to help another person in your life dosnt take much a simpal act of random kindness can go along ways, i have had little help given to me but friendship was just enought to keep me going till i found my silver lining, and i will never let that go.
if you read this thanks for listening if not, sorry it was to long winded.
Well lets start from what i remember, as a child my real mom and dad would fight and my dad would hit her, but we had good times few from what i remember but i hope there were good times, i get small spurts of memory from back then but only pictures no emotion and im always alone. most of my memorys is of my dad or mom fighting, or me and my brother being in foster care, we were in 2 foster homes early on in our child hood, both were hellish nightmares in them selfs people just looking at us like price tags over people, calling me a baby cause i wet my bed and most times treating me as such, but my entire child hood i was mean and aggressive to others i was born with many disability that until recently i felt dictated my life. first true tract of memory is when im older 6-7 ish, my mom is being married to a wonderful guy named jack he is sweet and careing helpful in the fact that he inspired me to be something more, that was the first year at least. when i turned 8 years old, i was tired of the hate and pain in my life, at 8 i was being told ill never ammount to anything or be any one my dreams were crushed by my family and my teachers, i was a angery kid and i would act out my special ed teach would twist my arm behind my back as a means of restraining me, i didn't like that and caused her much pain and hospitalized her, i still wish to apologize to her one day. but the day that made my life a liveing hell was this day driving home from school like most days 3 hours early cause the school couldn't handle me my mom yelling at me in words i cant remember i just wanted it to stop i wanted to just end it, i tred to jump from the car, door was locked so i crawled into the back seat, or at least tried, rest is a blur till we got to the human services building were we talked to a case worker and she recommended i be institutionalized, this entire time i was throwing a temper tantrum biteing kicking punching my mom i was a true evil child, i look back on it now and i wish i didnt do those things to her and others. i was put in the back of a sheriffs car and driven to mendota mental heath, i was there for 6 months, i was told i was sick and given so many drugs that i felt like a ghost, just a un feeling ghost, the meds did little more then that it gave me time to suppress my anger and rage on my own terms tho, still of minor out bursts but thats later on. durring my 6 months there it was uneventful a normal ish life remember alot of it but in reality i was alone, locked away for most of the time sept for a few hours were i was in the community room with other angery kids. i wasn't like them i was quiet and smart behaved even. when i got out i expected to be heading to a home, but it wasnt to a home it was to a camp ground and a small tent had my name on it, it was okay there, peaceful unless my brother pissed me off but he was never a issue he cares about me even if he is a asshole, i still had to deal with jack saying i was worthless and calling me a wimp a crazy idiot dummy you get the picture, at this stage i belived them depression was a common state for me a 9 yo knowing he had nothing to give life that death was a preferd over life, i would wet the bed even now, but wasn't in diapers least not yet (not even for night time) and my brother would pick on me for that causing me to be self confident about everything. a year went by there with this being the story of my time, we moved to another campground and it was plesent there one of my more happyer times were i figured i could move on, but then the story of my life me and my brother get put into foster care for the third time, we went to a foster care were even tho i was 9 years old i still wet the bed, the "mother" would give me a look of disaproval like it was my fault, they put me in daipers and made me sleep in a actual crib were i had to curl up to sleep in, i grew accustomed to sleeping like this and it provides a level of security now when im upset, we were there for 1 year then moved back in with my mom and jack, we still were at a campground but only for a few weeks we moved into a house in wautoma,wi i was 10 years old, at this stage i was figureing out that i needed to become smarter cause no one was gonna help me in my life, i played video games taught my self what i needed to learn and many other things, wautoma was a real small town with nothing to do, we were poor and jack insisted i was a worthless waste of space, i found comfort in my dog smokie she was my first best freind a pillar of support some one that no madder how bad i felt i could rely on her to cheer me up, we lived there for a few years i think before my mom the lovely drunk she is hit my brother and we were once again taken away to foster care, i met a foster mom named debbie, she was nice ish, she treated her kids like they were gold and could do no wrong, my brother was treated like silver he could do wrong but didnt, me the lil bed wetter that no one liked was treated like dirt, but oh well at this stage cause i didnt give a shit, i was gonna do things my way tho my way was a learning process, school was a fight kids would pick on me for being smelly, well when u wet your bed in the morning and sleep in it for a few hours hard to scrub that smell out i would fight failed every class and my teachers principle all thought i was stupid dumb retarded bunch of other things, i spent 2 years in foster care and came home to an apartment complex in watuoma, smokie was put to sleep or so i think idk i hope not she was a sweet heart. i am 13 at this stage finding out about who i am found out that i was gay for one liked wearing costumes and hated that i wore diapers at night, first love was a neighbor kid named taylor we would kiss and stuff he didnt like it at all but he did it cause i was nice to him, his life was also hell tho i know little details about that, i would spend as little time at home as possible, bike rides walks w/e to keep me from that place, i had to i couldnt take jacks yelling at me it was wearing down the wall i built up to hide my emotions my anger everything, through this i found out i was a furry, this brought alot of joy to my life almost a spark of happyness, but then jack lossed his job we moved became homeless again and now i was stuck at home again traped to deal with a drunk mom and a step dad that wished i was dead, loved my brother tho cause he was a gear head like him, well i chose to block that place out, dont remeber anything, we moved to a home that i thought would be permanent,i was wrong, at this stage im 14 years old and i stoped bed wetting, still a furry and still love costumes, i would steal them when possible, still treated like dirt but i could care less i was else were most of my day playing video games being my own person, would come home and well lets just say i hated life there every little bit of it, i still had some diapers in my closet and one night i was really horney for some reason i put one on and just felt comfortable, i used the rest of the pack over a few days, was upset when they ran out, my day to day life was boreing and hellish had no freinds was alone no one to talk to and the freinds i did have i lied to cause well i had nothing better to do, when years passed by with nothing going on more yelling and screaming more bull shit i couldnt handle, i was 17 when i was fed up with life passing me by, i wanted to do something, well my mom was pushing my ssi along and miracle happen i got it. tho it was more of a shitty lined story with some silver in it, i got 17,000 dollars (seems like alot right just wait) that was all mine or so i thought, first thing i bought was a labtop -1000 then with that labtop i found more furry stuff, i ment my first true freind, ino98777 she was awsome funny honest and real person i could talk to, i bought my first fursuit akamaru for 250 dollars i loved it, wore it when ever i could, i even bought some diapers, a full pair a pajamas (diego cause hes awsome) and then worked on my fursonna and had him made into a partial from ino98777 too for 750. life is going good at this stage till one day jack comes to me and he needs money, first a few hundred here and there then 500 here and there then one day he needs 2500 dollars for meds and bills, i give it to him even tho hes a asshole, at this stadge with my 600 a month income im down to 5000 dollars, thats fine i went to cali to meet ino98777 and pick up my fursuit, i took my mom with me cause i was afraid to go alone, i was shy when there even in my fursuit i spent most the week in my room still had fun. my mom had a blast, i met omega my first gay friend he was awesome to say the least and he introduced me to the baby fur world thanks for that lol. well we get home and at this stage i got 2500 dollars to my name totaly fine cause i got 600 a month income, jack and my mom steal 2000 dollars from me, thats fine 500 with a income w/e, a month gose by no check another month no check, at this stage i had to pay rent at 250 so im broke and my credit card is maxed so im screwed no check again, then i get a letter saying that my ssi has been canceled and it was already past the appeal date. i was a idiot kid, should have done something about my parents, well im now in debt and im only 17 try to get a job and cannot wasnt trying to hard thought, i was lonely and depressed again no money for fur cons but still had my adult baby stuff and fursuits so i was reasonably happy, at this stage i found comfort in the community i had furry freinds and i was even looking for a daddy many were half there and half gone, caused me great pain, i found a game called second life, i started a clothing shop and general house shop, had a sl family with a mommah that liked haveing pets, i funded her joys many thousands of dollars earn from my shops when to her joys, i didnt care i though she was there for me i was there for her even though her baby scare offerd her a home irl every thing i was makeing $5000 a month real cash off this game, i offerd to be her bf in game and marry her and help her with money, she took that offer and turned it down and dated a guy we both knew would treat her right, tho i knew she would hurt him like she hurt me, i left sl cause i couldnt take the lies and drama. i was alone again, nothing to do in life depressed no money my family still sucked ass, jack a even bigger ass hole since i was no longer giving him money, years went by truely feeling worthless again trying to find a daddy to take me from this hell, well after many more heart breaks i found andy, at first he called me a freak and was disgusted by my furryness, but after a while we talked more and more found that we had alot in common, fell in love, he wasnt rich or sexy he was like me a nice guy that was there for you, he moved from Tennessee to Indiana then to WI to live with me my mom jack and my brother, jack hated this he hated that i was gay and my bf was in the house, tho he had nothing to say cause we were losing the house any ways, he kicked my mom me and andy out we moved in with my grandma, i loved it there some drama but not to bad, andy got into trucking and got a job with swift, he loved to drive, eventually we left my grandmas, and i went on the road with andy, it was heaven i loved it with him i was truly happy, but with life there are kinks in plans, my mom was homeless and for some reason i felt i needed to help her, she forced us to by guilt tripping us into renting a house with her, this was fine made money tight but it was fine, we had a roommate move in with us but she caused issues in its self, but wasn't just her my mom was a drunk and so was she, so just made things hellish, we got kicked out of there and move into a trailer, my mom came with and live with us for a while till she moved out this was awesome me and andy alone at last money still tight but we were in heaven , then andys unemployment cut out, (long story there but yea) and we were again out of money and i had a small income of 100 a week from dollar general but that wasn't enough we got kicked out a little over 4 months ago now, we moved to indiana with his sister, and well im working at dollar general.
with all this being said i know its a long and hard to read story but all true none the less, me and andy are happy even tho we are homeless and broke, i am a kind and gental person i love to help people and even trough all my pain and suffering i have pulled out to be a better person, im strong but at the same time i have weaknesses, at this stage in my life i seek to do something with my life even tho i do not know what.
this stands to prove i hope that no madder how bad life gets you can pull something good out of it, i just wish i could do more to pass this on to others, but i lack the skills the courage and the ability too. just remember to help another person in your life dosnt take much a simpal act of random kindness can go along ways, i have had little help given to me but friendship was just enought to keep me going till i found my silver lining, and i will never let that go.
if you read this thanks for listening if not, sorry it was to long winded.
