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Got my first breakdown/panic attack today
11 years ago
ᚢᛚᚠᚱ ᚨᚾᛞᛁ ᛖᚱ ᛇᚷᛁ ᛇᚾᚺᚨᛗᚱ
I never had one before, I'm social to a great extent, no problems talking to strangers or anything, but today it happened.
Today is freedom day in the Netherlands, where we celebrate being freed by the Allied in WW2.
There's this big festival (bevrijdings pop) where me and friends wanted to go to, but I had to work the first half of the day, so I would be there later.
Going on the train with some other friends who happened to also go to the festival, nothing wrong so far.
I carried a self made speaker box with me to play music there if we were chilling in the grass.
We arrive at the station and walk to the festival entrance (just one of many) and I'm told I can't bring my speaker, have to go back home or hide it there under a fence at my own risk. (their words)
So I hide it, but I really don't like it, and it's the first piece of stress.
Then I call my friends, which was hard because the phone system was under heavy load due to thousands of people, and after failing to get a landmark they recognize I arrange to send my location so they can come to me.
Then my phone warns me that the battery is almost empty. More stress.
After half an hour and still no friends I'm starting to feel more stressed. I try but am unable to call any of them. Stress intensifies.
Re-enabling my Internet at intervals to safe battery I then get a message that they are near the main stage, and "from the stage left between a bar and money building". Instructions not clear, I'm really starting to feel bummed and stressed.
I've walked everywhere, but there where literally thousands of people there, and you had to squeeze yourself between them to get through the crowd. For the first time a crowd was too overwhelming.
After stil not finding them I started to panic, I couldn't think, everything was making noise around me and I had to fight not to cry.
I really didn't like it. I really wanted to be with them, but I couldn't take it anymore, so I went, luckily was able to grab my speaker and went back to the station.
I overused my electric cigarette, but the nicotine calmed me somewhat down, but I took too much, which I knew, so on the train I also started to feel ill.
I was able to talk to my boyfriend, and that helped a little, but I spilled some coke/cola which made people stare and made we feel guilty, which didn't help with how I felt already.
In the end I spend money and time only to completely break down and go back home, and it sucked and now I don't want to go ever again, so bad was the experience.
Sorry for the wall of text
Today is freedom day in the Netherlands, where we celebrate being freed by the Allied in WW2.
There's this big festival (bevrijdings pop) where me and friends wanted to go to, but I had to work the first half of the day, so I would be there later.
Going on the train with some other friends who happened to also go to the festival, nothing wrong so far.
I carried a self made speaker box with me to play music there if we were chilling in the grass.
We arrive at the station and walk to the festival entrance (just one of many) and I'm told I can't bring my speaker, have to go back home or hide it there under a fence at my own risk. (their words)
So I hide it, but I really don't like it, and it's the first piece of stress.
Then I call my friends, which was hard because the phone system was under heavy load due to thousands of people, and after failing to get a landmark they recognize I arrange to send my location so they can come to me.
Then my phone warns me that the battery is almost empty. More stress.
After half an hour and still no friends I'm starting to feel more stressed. I try but am unable to call any of them. Stress intensifies.
Re-enabling my Internet at intervals to safe battery I then get a message that they are near the main stage, and "from the stage left between a bar and money building". Instructions not clear, I'm really starting to feel bummed and stressed.
I've walked everywhere, but there where literally thousands of people there, and you had to squeeze yourself between them to get through the crowd. For the first time a crowd was too overwhelming.
After stil not finding them I started to panic, I couldn't think, everything was making noise around me and I had to fight not to cry.
I really didn't like it. I really wanted to be with them, but I couldn't take it anymore, so I went, luckily was able to grab my speaker and went back to the station.
I overused my electric cigarette, but the nicotine calmed me somewhat down, but I took too much, which I knew, so on the train I also started to feel ill.
I was able to talk to my boyfriend, and that helped a little, but I spilled some coke/cola which made people stare and made we feel guilty, which didn't help with how I felt already.
In the end I spend money and time only to completely break down and go back home, and it sucked and now I don't want to go ever again, so bad was the experience.
Sorry for the wall of text
