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I can feel it coming back...
11 years ago
The downer, the low mood, the heavy hitter.
It's almost cyclical. but when it strikes, I just don't want to get out of bed, go outside, or even talk. I cann't really say if it's depression since i've never been diagnosed, but...it still really gets me hard. I once got anemia from it.
It's that feeling of realizing you won't be able to do anything what you really wanted to, the feeling that you could be better but you know that you won't be willing, the feeling that you just wish somebody could understand what your feeling and just tell you exactly how you should fix it.
I'm not alone, but I feel lonely. I'm supposed to be happy, but I feel like I shouldn't allow myself to. People have forgotten about me, and I never did anything about it. I just really wish this could stop. I really do. I feel like people don't really like me, but just pretend they do. I want to be willing to be social. I want to want to be with friends. I hate the way I think, I hate the way I worry how people judge me.
I think I need a doctor.
It's almost cyclical. but when it strikes, I just don't want to get out of bed, go outside, or even talk. I cann't really say if it's depression since i've never been diagnosed, but...it still really gets me hard. I once got anemia from it.
It's that feeling of realizing you won't be able to do anything what you really wanted to, the feeling that you could be better but you know that you won't be willing, the feeling that you just wish somebody could understand what your feeling and just tell you exactly how you should fix it.
I'm not alone, but I feel lonely. I'm supposed to be happy, but I feel like I shouldn't allow myself to. People have forgotten about me, and I never did anything about it. I just really wish this could stop. I really do. I feel like people don't really like me, but just pretend they do. I want to be willing to be social. I want to want to be with friends. I hate the way I think, I hate the way I worry how people judge me.
I think I need a doctor.
*huggles warmly* 'tis okay, lots of people have depression. Myself included c:
I've just finished getting this to compile on Windows, by the way: http://drawpile.sourceforge.net/
I think we tried it a couple of years ago and couldn't even get it to connect. I've been fooling around with the latest release and it actually works really well with tablet controls + networking right now. I think it's already matured into a viable replacement for now-defunct OpenCanvas!!!!! You can run a dedicated server for it and everything. All my <3!!! I might even write the guy who's coding it.
Think of the possibilities, Vix! Think!
(Also, seriously, the core isn't getting any warmer)
All my encouragement! Right here!
> <
(place your nose on the monitor in precisely this spot to receive encouragement)
You've already done so much already, I know you'll pull through! Don't be nervous to talk to a behavioral therapist or somesuch if you're really having trouble. I've been there.
Take care,
~You Know Who
http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.c.....-part-two.html
Depression of the "all my dopamine was here a moment ago" kind is usually like a broken bone. It isn't useful to think about it. It's a matter of endurance and patience, hard-wearing patience to rival stellar drift. It sucks, and I want you to know I know about it. Like AF says, don't be afraid to get professional assistance. Depression is an illness, confusingly named after an emotion, and it doesn't make you anything more or less than who you are: a loving, lovely and loved person.