As I returned to Florida as expected a huge wave of depression hit. I'm determined to finally work on fixing my life and 2014 is the year I say "fuck this shit" and start fighting back.

I've known for a few years now I have a multitude of issues, most of them personal and come from years of self-loathing and lack of proper support. One thing that this trip did make very clear though? I'm completely unhappy with where I live.

I've lived in Florida almost my entire life, yet I find that I've never been truly happy here. For a lot of reasons I suppose… I don't like the weather, the lack of mountains, ect. Though aside from that there is a bigger issue…

I have next to no friends here.

At least not any that I share a great deal in common with. I have a butt load of old childhood friends but with a lot of them it feels we don't share anything in common other than we went to the same schools and knew each other a long time. This is something I feel has to change. I'm constantly forced to censor myself infront of my closest friends and a lot of the time I feel I can't be myself except when I'm alone.

I won't pretend that this is the source of all my problems but damn…it'd be fucking swell to have someone I can relate to. Someone who I'm not afraid to discuss "weird" subjects with. People say that a big step in beating depression and mental illness is a good local support system but I don't have that at all. I don't even trust my family. I have one very close friend who I'm almost comfortable being open with but even then I hide things from him because he wouldn't understand.

At the risk of sounding pathetic…I've been alone for a very long time and damn it hurts to leave the place I felt most comfortable being myself. If I had friends like that here in Florida maybe I wouldn't be so desperate to leave but as it stands now? I want out of this hellhole.