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Closer to hitting that "Reset" Button
11 years ago
General
How freaky is this..
I really dont care at this point what people say...it is feelin more and more like my identity is tainted..and I really cannot shake it off.
and its getting to the point where I am ready to start over. Ready to just recreate my identity, my fursona. EVERYTHING.
I know I cant do anything about my art style. But people keep telling me not to change it.
But my higher voices tell me it is getting closer to where this NEEDS to be done.
I am already at the point where the observations I noted have convinced me there is no longer a point to just tossing up a stream. So for the time being I am reserving them down to private streams.
I know I am learning but I tried to offer some requests and it ended up a total mess...with me feeling like shit. Feeling like a used tissue. Is that what an artist is supposed to feel like?
Regardless, I look at my identity now, and all I can think of is how...tainted..it feels.
I need a change..I need to reinvent. I am getting closer to the point where I am ready to hit that reset button.
As it is now. I just...want to cry. I clearly cant compete with all these others.
Streams are done for now: if someone gets a commission they can request a private stream and call in who they want. But I need to sort some things out. I cant keep doing this.
I know people are going to convince me to keep this account, to keep this shell..to keep feeling used like this..
But at this point I really dont care. I need to think some things out. I want to be able to give sketches I want to be able to welcome new watchers with free arts. But how can I do that when I cant even be taken seriously.
I dont know..I am just...confused...upset.
I am gonna go soak in a bubblebath and think about what needs to be done...
I may just start working on that new fursona...that new identity..a new....me.
and its getting to the point where I am ready to start over. Ready to just recreate my identity, my fursona. EVERYTHING.
I know I cant do anything about my art style. But people keep telling me not to change it.
But my higher voices tell me it is getting closer to where this NEEDS to be done.
I am already at the point where the observations I noted have convinced me there is no longer a point to just tossing up a stream. So for the time being I am reserving them down to private streams.
I know I am learning but I tried to offer some requests and it ended up a total mess...with me feeling like shit. Feeling like a used tissue. Is that what an artist is supposed to feel like?
Regardless, I look at my identity now, and all I can think of is how...tainted..it feels.
I need a change..I need to reinvent. I am getting closer to the point where I am ready to hit that reset button.
As it is now. I just...want to cry. I clearly cant compete with all these others.
Streams are done for now: if someone gets a commission they can request a private stream and call in who they want. But I need to sort some things out. I cant keep doing this.
I know people are going to convince me to keep this account, to keep this shell..to keep feeling used like this..
But at this point I really dont care. I need to think some things out. I want to be able to give sketches I want to be able to welcome new watchers with free arts. But how can I do that when I cant even be taken seriously.
I dont know..I am just...confused...upset.
I am gonna go soak in a bubblebath and think about what needs to be done...
I may just start working on that new fursona...that new identity..a new....me.
If you truly feel you need a reset, and that your art needs to evolve. Then go for it. Sometimes you feel shitty right before a great breakthrough, its an important place to come to. Do you step back away from the feelings until you feel complacent again and continue down the 'safe' path where growth doesn't happen. Or do you step into uncertain waters and discover a new level.
I can see it in what you do that you aren't the type to be complacent and stagnate when you feel that its time to grow. I really hope to see it when you do, I will miss your streams, so I hope you only stop streaming while you go through this artistic evolution and once you feel strong again, return to sharing your process. Also, take your paradise crawlers with you through the evolution, because they are a neat concept and already look really nice so I cannot imagine how much neater they would look when you come back from this stronger than ever.
So, yea... Take care and go forward with confidence ^.^
It's your decision, and I hope it makes you feel better.
Let us know the new profile if you make it though.