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Time Travel, pt 10/10
11 years ago
On Tuesday, I worked until 5pm. It was the longest six hours of my life. My insides quivered and jumped every time there was a lull in the customers. Terrana flew here to see me. It was some 3,600 miles and over fourteen hours of travel and thousands of dollars... just to see me. (Really really.) That's never actually happened before. If someone's come to visit me, even family, it has been because I was 'convenient' or 'on the way' or because I was near someone else. I am not really used to someone making that magnitude of sacrifice just for me, so, at first, I thought it wasn't really happening. Surely something would happen to make this not a thing that was truly happening to me. In fact, it wasn't until one day, a few weeks before her arrival, when she had misplaced her passport and was a bit upset about it that I realized... She needs a passport... she's really coming. And that's when my insides started jumping like I had drank countless pots of tea or coffee.
I stood around the airport in my ridiculously purple top hat. She can't miss me in this, I thought. (She didn't.) I was so excited that Chris laughed. I remember every moment, how it smelled and sounded and tasted. I thought I was going to be sick. I paced around the luggage claim area. Then I paced around the receiving area. I fiddled with the bouquet that I had gotten her. It was a cute little candy corn arrangement with happy daisies. The plastic around them quivered with me.
"Easy, hon, you're going to twist them in half!" Chris said, teasing. I imagined he was in high spirits, too, and I was so excited that I gave him 'too many' kisses. And hugged him too much. "Okay, okay! I get it; you're excited. Don't pass out before she even gets here!"
I think I am going to be sick, I thought. I watched the board announcing the flights by craning my neck around to the top level. 12 minutes. How long now? 11 minutes. How long now? 10 minutes. I wandered to the baggage claim. I helped an elderly lady claim her bags. Hyperventilation. How long now? OH GODS 8 minutes. Are you kidding me?! I tweeted relentlessly. I twirled and adjusted the ridiculously glittery feather on my ridiculously purple hat and paced. No one got in my way. It was not very crowded and besides, I probably looked crazy.
3 minutes.
"Mary. Breathe."
"Huh?"
"Chill. Out."
"Kay."
He sounded annoyed now. I looked at the flowers and smelled them. They weren't the best, actually. I twirled the little candy corn pick in the bouquet. I remembered a conversation I'd had with Terrana about candy corn not being a thing in the UK, really. I thought about making her s'mores, too, but she hates the chocolate over here. My mind wandered in and out of conversations and anxieties and realities. So before I knew it, her plane had landed, but it resulted in many more minutes of pacing while she went through customs. I am sure it was not an hour, but my galvanic skin response said otherwise. I tweeted relentlessly some more.
I looked up at Chris, who looked at me and shook his head, smirking. "You're so cute, sweetie," he said, then I felt a warm wave of excitement all over again, just as Chris raised his eyes and opened his mouth to inform me...
... I never let him finish. I saw her in the reflection of the whites of Chris's eyes and heard her take a breath before asking something, probably if I was looking for her or something. I heard neither of them. I squealed at a likely inappropriate volume, threw my arms around her (upsetting her luggage she was pulling behind her), breathed in her scent, and silently thanked every god. I handed her the bouquet, but she inspected it instead of taking it. "What's this?"
"It's for you!" I said, laughing. She's so cute. Chris smiled. When I asked him why, he said that he could appreciate that one of my friends was more practical about such things. I shook my head and held the flowers as I danced around them both.
I remember every moment of taking her back to the car. I skipped more circles around both of them. We couldn't even find the car. Like I cared if we ever found the car... Terrana hugs! Chris volunteered to get assistance finding the car since I was beside myself.
I know talking happened that night. Conversations. I couldn't stop looking at her and once in a while reminded myself that I could be making her uncomfortable (but I bet I wasn't). The order of events got jumbled in my head and I didn't know which way was up. We checked her in at the hotel first; it was a pretty nice room in the hotel just down the street from the house. We decided to take the flowers to the house instead of the hotel, since she hadn't much use for them and had no vase, besides. I wasn't trying to rush anything but I wanted to feed her and begin spoiling her immediately.
Which made the fact that someone had left the lid on the pot roast cracked all the more tragic. Oh, it was the worst pot roast I had ever made. It had sat too long in the crock pot, so soggy vegetables, and dried out, to boot. Terrible.
We all drowned it in our sauce of choice. Chris picked a steak sauce and alternated it with "what's-this-here" sauce (Worcestershire, for those who don't know) and I, of course, coated mine in a thick layer of Sriracha. Terrana had never had it before and wondered what it was like. She had a little lick of it. Chris grinned in a knowing, evil way. I warned her it was spicy, but she shrugged it off. "Not overly. It's alright."
I said, "Huh, okay then! Want some more?" She declined and went back to Worcestershire sauce, then began to cough.
"Oh, wait, that is actually quite problematic..."
Chris laughed. We got her some water. Chris recommended either milk or something starchy to help, like the potatoes.
Now we call Sriracha "problematic sauce".
After some tea and a brief introduction to Chris's dad, I drove her back to the hotel because she seemed so tired (I would be, too... it was late in GMT!). I wanted to stay with her so badly but I knew I should let her rest, and I was so wound up that I was likely to talk to her all night and all night! Besides, Chris had work in the morning and I would have to wake up and get him ready. I told Terrana to call or message me AS SOON as she wanted me over.
I did not sleep that night.
I was so excited about what we'd do the next day.
Sadly, the things that we wanted to do kept being sabotaged.
It started out alright, with a lunch trip to Wegmans on the way to Piney Run Park. I babbled to her about when Debbie and I took Jacel there, and how I wanted her to meet my sister (who is arguably the best sister on the planet) and somewhere between sushi and driving the rest of the way to Piney Run, I had given her many childhood stories about the park and the funeral home we passed and my sister's good nature. What I didn't tell Terrana is that my little crush on her still stood strong, and I kind of wanted Debbie to meet her the same way a sister brings her suitors to meet a big brother. I wanted some kind of acceptance from Debbie. I was not disappointed. In fact, Terrana and Debbie made each other laugh a good few times. We saw the nature center and the lake where I spent many summers. We went into the bird pen and I showed off handling the birds a bit. Pretty birds. Debbie offered to let us kayak, but Terrana politely declined. Then Debbie got hijacked, so I asked Terrana if she wanted to see the fluffiest dog ever.
"She's so fluffy, I'm gonna die," Debbie joked. I kept forgetting where the quote came from. "I can't believe you haven't seen that, yet, " Deb said.
So we woke up a naked, napping Kitten and played with Haus and Dumpling (Kitten got some clothes on). I was really glad that Terrana is a dog-person. That even got hijacked, though, because then my godmother, Buddy, called, wanting me to act as IT and media department. "Oh you're at Debbie's?! You're right down the street!"
So I fell for it and thought It'll be a quick thing, and I guess it can't hurt for Terrana to meet more of my family. It was already weird, however, because I hadn't seen Alicia (my god-niece) for such a long time. The house was boisterous and the task she wanted to have me do was not a simple one (I should have known). Though Buddy was very hospitable and accepting of my having Terrana by, it seemed to me that this constant whirlwind of change of plans was starting to wear on her and my guilt began to mound. I took on the project even though I was busy. I just couldn't tell her no.
I went home as soon as possible to make the very worst stroganoff I had ever made, but during it, a neighbor friend of mine texted me about her work clothes. I gave some terrible advice. She then... showed up at my door? What...?
Terrana looked peeved. I was a bit peeved. We were both exhausted and my guest was a bit on the loud side. Pop was sleeping and Terrana looked like she had enough. My friend convinced me to go clothes shopping with her for work because she needed a friend to go get socks with her. I was so upset about the whole situation that I forgot several steps in the making of this stroganoff and ruined it. I went upstairs to take some deep breaths. It threatened to turn into crying.
There she was. We locked eyes and she firmly told me she couldn't tolerate any more of the surprises and changes and it was stressful.
And that's when I lost it. It was all too much. People were texting me all day to bring Terrana by and would I pick this up for them and could I please do this and I just wanted to enjoy Terrana's company and spoil her like I'd wanted but how could I do that if I were just ticking her off and... I cried and whispered to her how sorry I was. I needed to learn no. She held me. I just told her over and over how sorry I was and I wanted to fix it. I wanted to tell her that every day wasn't like this, but then realized it really was. In my struggle to be a 'good friend', I had stretched myself too thin. People thought they could rely on me all the time and I just couldn't enjoy myself any more.
Terrana explained that she wasn't upset about the things I was trying to do for her. She was just as overwhelmed as I was. I wiped my eyes on my sleeves. Chris came up and looked at me crying and asked if I were alright. I told him I would be fine, just to entertain our guest for a bit. He had a beer in his hand and I flinched.
"Actually, Chris..." I sniffled.
He turned around, very concerned. "What's wrong?"
"I want to know if it's okay for me to stay with Terrana tonight." I immediately started begging and justifying myself, telling him I'd still wake up early and make him breakfast and, and, and...
"That's fine, hon."
I celebrated inside, I am sure of it, but all that came out was blubbering thank-yous. Since I had already promised to go shop for socks with my surprise guest, I decided I would pack a few things to take with me, I would drop Terrana off so she could get settled, and then do the quick shopping run (which was not quick), and then settle down next to Terrana and actually get to enjoy her company (at least until I had to wake up to make Chris breakfast). I tried to be gentle and did my best to control the diaphragm heaving caused by the ghosts of my crying spell. I was so sorry, I said.
I vowed to make sure I said no to anything else. This was my time with Terrana and everything else needed to stop.
I was glad I spent the night with her. I didn't sleep too much, but it was more than I usually do, lulled by the sound of her breathing. I wanted to reach out and pet her. Oh, if only it wouldn't wake her. It was a beautiful night, such a peaceful relief. I mulled over the day. She didn't come to see all these things and places... I realized all over again. She didn't come here to meet all these other people...
Here she is... I thought, looking over in the dark at her form rising and falling with her breaths. She came here to see me. I felt warm inside all over. My smile redirected the one tear I had left to slide by my ear instead.
She came here to see me.
I stood around the airport in my ridiculously purple top hat. She can't miss me in this, I thought. (She didn't.) I was so excited that Chris laughed. I remember every moment, how it smelled and sounded and tasted. I thought I was going to be sick. I paced around the luggage claim area. Then I paced around the receiving area. I fiddled with the bouquet that I had gotten her. It was a cute little candy corn arrangement with happy daisies. The plastic around them quivered with me.
"Easy, hon, you're going to twist them in half!" Chris said, teasing. I imagined he was in high spirits, too, and I was so excited that I gave him 'too many' kisses. And hugged him too much. "Okay, okay! I get it; you're excited. Don't pass out before she even gets here!"
I think I am going to be sick, I thought. I watched the board announcing the flights by craning my neck around to the top level. 12 minutes. How long now? 11 minutes. How long now? 10 minutes. I wandered to the baggage claim. I helped an elderly lady claim her bags. Hyperventilation. How long now? OH GODS 8 minutes. Are you kidding me?! I tweeted relentlessly. I twirled and adjusted the ridiculously glittery feather on my ridiculously purple hat and paced. No one got in my way. It was not very crowded and besides, I probably looked crazy.
3 minutes.
"Mary. Breathe."
"Huh?"
"Chill. Out."
"Kay."
He sounded annoyed now. I looked at the flowers and smelled them. They weren't the best, actually. I twirled the little candy corn pick in the bouquet. I remembered a conversation I'd had with Terrana about candy corn not being a thing in the UK, really. I thought about making her s'mores, too, but she hates the chocolate over here. My mind wandered in and out of conversations and anxieties and realities. So before I knew it, her plane had landed, but it resulted in many more minutes of pacing while she went through customs. I am sure it was not an hour, but my galvanic skin response said otherwise. I tweeted relentlessly some more.
I looked up at Chris, who looked at me and shook his head, smirking. "You're so cute, sweetie," he said, then I felt a warm wave of excitement all over again, just as Chris raised his eyes and opened his mouth to inform me...
... I never let him finish. I saw her in the reflection of the whites of Chris's eyes and heard her take a breath before asking something, probably if I was looking for her or something. I heard neither of them. I squealed at a likely inappropriate volume, threw my arms around her (upsetting her luggage she was pulling behind her), breathed in her scent, and silently thanked every god. I handed her the bouquet, but she inspected it instead of taking it. "What's this?"
"It's for you!" I said, laughing. She's so cute. Chris smiled. When I asked him why, he said that he could appreciate that one of my friends was more practical about such things. I shook my head and held the flowers as I danced around them both.
I remember every moment of taking her back to the car. I skipped more circles around both of them. We couldn't even find the car. Like I cared if we ever found the car... Terrana hugs! Chris volunteered to get assistance finding the car since I was beside myself.
I know talking happened that night. Conversations. I couldn't stop looking at her and once in a while reminded myself that I could be making her uncomfortable (but I bet I wasn't). The order of events got jumbled in my head and I didn't know which way was up. We checked her in at the hotel first; it was a pretty nice room in the hotel just down the street from the house. We decided to take the flowers to the house instead of the hotel, since she hadn't much use for them and had no vase, besides. I wasn't trying to rush anything but I wanted to feed her and begin spoiling her immediately.
Which made the fact that someone had left the lid on the pot roast cracked all the more tragic. Oh, it was the worst pot roast I had ever made. It had sat too long in the crock pot, so soggy vegetables, and dried out, to boot. Terrible.
We all drowned it in our sauce of choice. Chris picked a steak sauce and alternated it with "what's-this-here" sauce (Worcestershire, for those who don't know) and I, of course, coated mine in a thick layer of Sriracha. Terrana had never had it before and wondered what it was like. She had a little lick of it. Chris grinned in a knowing, evil way. I warned her it was spicy, but she shrugged it off. "Not overly. It's alright."
I said, "Huh, okay then! Want some more?" She declined and went back to Worcestershire sauce, then began to cough.
"Oh, wait, that is actually quite problematic..."
Chris laughed. We got her some water. Chris recommended either milk or something starchy to help, like the potatoes.
Now we call Sriracha "problematic sauce".
After some tea and a brief introduction to Chris's dad, I drove her back to the hotel because she seemed so tired (I would be, too... it was late in GMT!). I wanted to stay with her so badly but I knew I should let her rest, and I was so wound up that I was likely to talk to her all night and all night! Besides, Chris had work in the morning and I would have to wake up and get him ready. I told Terrana to call or message me AS SOON as she wanted me over.
I did not sleep that night.
I was so excited about what we'd do the next day.
Sadly, the things that we wanted to do kept being sabotaged.
It started out alright, with a lunch trip to Wegmans on the way to Piney Run Park. I babbled to her about when Debbie and I took Jacel there, and how I wanted her to meet my sister (who is arguably the best sister on the planet) and somewhere between sushi and driving the rest of the way to Piney Run, I had given her many childhood stories about the park and the funeral home we passed and my sister's good nature. What I didn't tell Terrana is that my little crush on her still stood strong, and I kind of wanted Debbie to meet her the same way a sister brings her suitors to meet a big brother. I wanted some kind of acceptance from Debbie. I was not disappointed. In fact, Terrana and Debbie made each other laugh a good few times. We saw the nature center and the lake where I spent many summers. We went into the bird pen and I showed off handling the birds a bit. Pretty birds. Debbie offered to let us kayak, but Terrana politely declined. Then Debbie got hijacked, so I asked Terrana if she wanted to see the fluffiest dog ever.
"She's so fluffy, I'm gonna die," Debbie joked. I kept forgetting where the quote came from. "I can't believe you haven't seen that, yet, " Deb said.
So we woke up a naked, napping Kitten and played with Haus and Dumpling (Kitten got some clothes on). I was really glad that Terrana is a dog-person. That even got hijacked, though, because then my godmother, Buddy, called, wanting me to act as IT and media department. "Oh you're at Debbie's?! You're right down the street!"
So I fell for it and thought It'll be a quick thing, and I guess it can't hurt for Terrana to meet more of my family. It was already weird, however, because I hadn't seen Alicia (my god-niece) for such a long time. The house was boisterous and the task she wanted to have me do was not a simple one (I should have known). Though Buddy was very hospitable and accepting of my having Terrana by, it seemed to me that this constant whirlwind of change of plans was starting to wear on her and my guilt began to mound. I took on the project even though I was busy. I just couldn't tell her no.
I went home as soon as possible to make the very worst stroganoff I had ever made, but during it, a neighbor friend of mine texted me about her work clothes. I gave some terrible advice. She then... showed up at my door? What...?
Terrana looked peeved. I was a bit peeved. We were both exhausted and my guest was a bit on the loud side. Pop was sleeping and Terrana looked like she had enough. My friend convinced me to go clothes shopping with her for work because she needed a friend to go get socks with her. I was so upset about the whole situation that I forgot several steps in the making of this stroganoff and ruined it. I went upstairs to take some deep breaths. It threatened to turn into crying.
There she was. We locked eyes and she firmly told me she couldn't tolerate any more of the surprises and changes and it was stressful.
And that's when I lost it. It was all too much. People were texting me all day to bring Terrana by and would I pick this up for them and could I please do this and I just wanted to enjoy Terrana's company and spoil her like I'd wanted but how could I do that if I were just ticking her off and... I cried and whispered to her how sorry I was. I needed to learn no. She held me. I just told her over and over how sorry I was and I wanted to fix it. I wanted to tell her that every day wasn't like this, but then realized it really was. In my struggle to be a 'good friend', I had stretched myself too thin. People thought they could rely on me all the time and I just couldn't enjoy myself any more.
Terrana explained that she wasn't upset about the things I was trying to do for her. She was just as overwhelmed as I was. I wiped my eyes on my sleeves. Chris came up and looked at me crying and asked if I were alright. I told him I would be fine, just to entertain our guest for a bit. He had a beer in his hand and I flinched.
"Actually, Chris..." I sniffled.
He turned around, very concerned. "What's wrong?"
"I want to know if it's okay for me to stay with Terrana tonight." I immediately started begging and justifying myself, telling him I'd still wake up early and make him breakfast and, and, and...
"That's fine, hon."
I celebrated inside, I am sure of it, but all that came out was blubbering thank-yous. Since I had already promised to go shop for socks with my surprise guest, I decided I would pack a few things to take with me, I would drop Terrana off so she could get settled, and then do the quick shopping run (which was not quick), and then settle down next to Terrana and actually get to enjoy her company (at least until I had to wake up to make Chris breakfast). I tried to be gentle and did my best to control the diaphragm heaving caused by the ghosts of my crying spell. I was so sorry, I said.
I vowed to make sure I said no to anything else. This was my time with Terrana and everything else needed to stop.
I was glad I spent the night with her. I didn't sleep too much, but it was more than I usually do, lulled by the sound of her breathing. I wanted to reach out and pet her. Oh, if only it wouldn't wake her. It was a beautiful night, such a peaceful relief. I mulled over the day. She didn't come to see all these things and places... I realized all over again. She didn't come here to meet all these other people...
Here she is... I thought, looking over in the dark at her form rising and falling with her breaths. She came here to see me. I felt warm inside all over. My smile redirected the one tear I had left to slide by my ear instead.
She came here to see me.
