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What do I want anymore?
17 years ago
General
See you, breathe you, I want to be you
Alalalala alalalala
You can take take take take take time time
To live live the way you gotta gotta live your life
Give me give me give me all of you you
Don't be scared
I'll see you through the loneliness of one more more more
Don't even think about what's right or wrong, wrong or right
'Cause in the end it's only you and me and no one else is gonna be around
To answer all the questions left behind
And you and I are meant to be so even if the world falls down today
You've still got me to hold you up up
And I will never let you down
+The Veronica's+
Alalalala alalalala
You can take take take take take time time
To live live the way you gotta gotta live your life
Give me give me give me all of you you
Don't be scared
I'll see you through the loneliness of one more more more
Don't even think about what's right or wrong, wrong or right
'Cause in the end it's only you and me and no one else is gonna be around
To answer all the questions left behind
And you and I are meant to be so even if the world falls down today
You've still got me to hold you up up
And I will never let you down
+The Veronica's+
Im know everyone is tired of people being "Emo" but yeah, I will be just once.
Some will hate me for this..
I can honestly say at time's I can be really heartless, I can be the nicest guy or try to be but underneath that im jealous of you. I just dont say it or show it. I envy all those who have a relationship, someone to share your love with. With me, i've had my share of relationships but hell...most i've been in, i've either been used or cheated on. It hurt, but now. I dont feel what I think most people would feel, your heart racing, and your tears building. You feel anger and sadness all in one swift hit.
I dont anymore...I build walls to keep my thoughts and feelings in check, yeah when I like someone or something I fall for them hard. Tonight I gave my supervisor a ride home tonight, me and her got to talking and we see somethings eye to eye. We spoke about how you know when you want to be in a relationship your happy and all but then we looked at it and we both admitted that when were in one, we asked ourselves..."why am im in it now?" You know, have you ever asked yourself that?
You want something and then look back on it and wonder "why". You look at the things you somewhat give up when your with someone, and then miss them. I admit that I have been there. I look at it now, hell I just wanted what everyone else had so I wouldnt feel alone and sad. It was just lust or a "fling", but then when you lose it, you want it back. Now, anyone ive been with, I stay in contact with or try to, but a part of me just avoids them like a parasite..I dont want anything to do with them or their existance. That's where I say im heartless, coldhearted, and a basterd. You want it and then you dont want it, thats what me and her talked about on the drive. I wonder now if when I say "I love you" to someone...if I really even mean it anymore.
My heart wants two different things, it wants love but then it wants to do nothing with anyone. It tears at me when I think about it, what do I really want anymore?
Im lost and dont know anymore..
I dont talk about my feelings with the one's im with, thats what mostly gets me. I dont tell them how or what im feeling because I dont know how to truely express myself, I push people away when I feel they become to close to me. Im to easily pulled into things and my heart gets the wrong message, one time...I was talking with a friend (no names will be mentioned) we were close, I had and still somewhat had feelings for them, and I kinda felt we were getting close again, I was happy and talked with them everytime I got the chance...then it wasnt until I came across a journal of theirs saying "ive found the right guy I love him" and yada yada...well later we spoke again and well...at that point I became bitter towards them, they did nothing but be kind and caring..I pushed them away and I really dont talk with them anymore. With those ive became to close with, I didnt talk to them and when they IM'ed me later in time they just said a simple "Hey" I said hey back, and that was as far as the conversation went and then I logged off.
I mess myself up only because I think ive become to close and get my hopes up, and then when I know that they are with someone or some other reason I just push away and dont say anything. I just play along and then go on my way. How low is that..I know im dirt because of that. Im confused and dont know what im doing or what im wanting anymore, its just troublesome all together with me.
Well...ive admitted what was troubling my mind, some of my friends that I talk to will look at me differently, if you hate me or are just very upset with me..I understand my consequences of my actions, but ive only admitted what I have always felt..I dont like that I feel this way, but its just how I really am...
=Kyle=
Some will hate me for this..
I can honestly say at time's I can be really heartless, I can be the nicest guy or try to be but underneath that im jealous of you. I just dont say it or show it. I envy all those who have a relationship, someone to share your love with. With me, i've had my share of relationships but hell...most i've been in, i've either been used or cheated on. It hurt, but now. I dont feel what I think most people would feel, your heart racing, and your tears building. You feel anger and sadness all in one swift hit.
I dont anymore...I build walls to keep my thoughts and feelings in check, yeah when I like someone or something I fall for them hard. Tonight I gave my supervisor a ride home tonight, me and her got to talking and we see somethings eye to eye. We spoke about how you know when you want to be in a relationship your happy and all but then we looked at it and we both admitted that when were in one, we asked ourselves..."why am im in it now?" You know, have you ever asked yourself that?
You want something and then look back on it and wonder "why". You look at the things you somewhat give up when your with someone, and then miss them. I admit that I have been there. I look at it now, hell I just wanted what everyone else had so I wouldnt feel alone and sad. It was just lust or a "fling", but then when you lose it, you want it back. Now, anyone ive been with, I stay in contact with or try to, but a part of me just avoids them like a parasite..I dont want anything to do with them or their existance. That's where I say im heartless, coldhearted, and a basterd. You want it and then you dont want it, thats what me and her talked about on the drive. I wonder now if when I say "I love you" to someone...if I really even mean it anymore.
My heart wants two different things, it wants love but then it wants to do nothing with anyone. It tears at me when I think about it, what do I really want anymore?
Im lost and dont know anymore..
I dont talk about my feelings with the one's im with, thats what mostly gets me. I dont tell them how or what im feeling because I dont know how to truely express myself, I push people away when I feel they become to close to me. Im to easily pulled into things and my heart gets the wrong message, one time...I was talking with a friend (no names will be mentioned) we were close, I had and still somewhat had feelings for them, and I kinda felt we were getting close again, I was happy and talked with them everytime I got the chance...then it wasnt until I came across a journal of theirs saying "ive found the right guy I love him" and yada yada...well later we spoke again and well...at that point I became bitter towards them, they did nothing but be kind and caring..I pushed them away and I really dont talk with them anymore. With those ive became to close with, I didnt talk to them and when they IM'ed me later in time they just said a simple "Hey" I said hey back, and that was as far as the conversation went and then I logged off.
I mess myself up only because I think ive become to close and get my hopes up, and then when I know that they are with someone or some other reason I just push away and dont say anything. I just play along and then go on my way. How low is that..I know im dirt because of that. Im confused and dont know what im doing or what im wanting anymore, its just troublesome all together with me.
Well...ive admitted what was troubling my mind, some of my friends that I talk to will look at me differently, if you hate me or are just very upset with me..I understand my consequences of my actions, but ive only admitted what I have always felt..I dont like that I feel this way, but its just how I really am...
=Kyle=
Depression blows. You want to be in a good relationship, but you think that your cold hearted and dirt. If you believe that you aren't worthy of what you want, you will take steps to make sure you don't get it. It's as simple as that.
You've just got to be honest with yourself and tell yourself that you aren't dirt. Or maybe you were, but are trying to change that. Depression breeds depression, so try to think positive!
[/psychobabble from stranger]
1.- Friendship love in which you and a friend can just love each other and get really really close and of course the 2nd one is mate in which its a serious relationship.
Hun, things happen for a reason but there is always a light withing the darkness, if you want to get out and someone gives you a paw, never decline it. *nuzzles gently*
Here is the thing and to be honest. For you or anyone to feel this way, is bull shit. Here's why.
1) You are what you make yourself.
I Know the Guilmon who was sweet and something that just loved to have his friends around and just was chill. You never were this way. You had your wait in friendship as any other beloved member of a fur family. If you never knew that, now you do. This is why we keep coming back to poke ya, or to say a simple hi. Because we give a shit. Now tell me when we stopped being your friend just because? The answer you already know. And when I always ask, if you are ok? And you lie to me because you want to protect yourself from yourself, hun its going to get even worse if you don't look for someone to help.
2) Mate
Here is where things get tricky...There are 2 terms that you need to start understanding one being a friend. The other is something which comes in time and is something you need not search for to find a companion for the rest of your existence. You have your weight in the first term. Your pack, your friends have been there waiting to help you but you slowly forget they exist because of the hunt to find the second. You are a great person and I know you are but you need to work on yourself before you try and get with someone. I miss the sweet and kind person you were.....We all do. I think you do as well....
3) Expression of feelings.
If you were truly heartless and didn't really give a crap about us at all, this journal wouldn't be here to get some rebuttal. You have feelings, just need them to thaw out. Break the ice that you put around us and let us back in.
4) Outcome
You are in charge of this decision. If you want things to return to where they were, then get prepared for chances of being hurt because love is as painful as it is beautiful. But when you hold love in your palm and let it work for you. It will happen again and I think that lucky person or persons would love a Guilmon for the sweetheart and great friend that I know he knows he is. ;3