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Engineering Humor Part 2
11 years ago
General
The second installment (the formatting is giving me fits):
Engineering Vocabulary
It is in process – So wrapped up in red tape that the situation is almost hopeless
We will look into it – By the time the wheel makes a full turn, we assume that you will have forgotten about it, too.
A program – Any assignment that cannot be completed by one telephone call.
Expedite – To confound confusion with commotion.
Channels – The trail left by inter-office memos.
Coordinator – The guy who has a desk between to expediters.
Consultant (Expert) – Any ordinary guy with a briefcase more than 50 miles from home.
To activate – To make carbons and add more names to the memo.
To implement a program – Hire more people and expand the office.
Under consideration – Never heard of it.
Under active consideration – We're looking in the files for it.
A meeting – A mass mulling by masterminds.
A conference – A place where conversation is substituted for the dreariness of labor and the loneliness of thought.
To negotiate – To seek a meeting of minds without knocking heads together.
Re-orientation – Getting used to working again.
Reliable source – The guy you just met.
Informed source – The guy who told the guy you just met.
Unimpeachable source – The guy who started the rumor originally.
A clarification – To fill in the background with so many details that the foreground goes underground.
We are making a survey – We need more time to think of an answer.
Note and initial – Let's spread the responsibility for this.
Let's get together on this – I'm assuming you're as confused as I am.
See me (Let's discuss) – Come down to my office, I'm lonely.
Give us the benefit of your present thinking – We'll listen to what you have to say as long as it doesn't interfere with what we have already decided to do.
We will advise you in due course – If we figure it out we'll let you know.
To give someone the big picture – A long, confused and inaccurate statement to a newcomer.
Engineering Vocabulary
It is in process – So wrapped up in red tape that the situation is almost hopeless
We will look into it – By the time the wheel makes a full turn, we assume that you will have forgotten about it, too.
A program – Any assignment that cannot be completed by one telephone call.
Expedite – To confound confusion with commotion.
Channels – The trail left by inter-office memos.
Coordinator – The guy who has a desk between to expediters.
Consultant (Expert) – Any ordinary guy with a briefcase more than 50 miles from home.
To activate – To make carbons and add more names to the memo.
To implement a program – Hire more people and expand the office.
Under consideration – Never heard of it.
Under active consideration – We're looking in the files for it.
A meeting – A mass mulling by masterminds.
A conference – A place where conversation is substituted for the dreariness of labor and the loneliness of thought.
To negotiate – To seek a meeting of minds without knocking heads together.
Re-orientation – Getting used to working again.
Reliable source – The guy you just met.
Informed source – The guy who told the guy you just met.
Unimpeachable source – The guy who started the rumor originally.
A clarification – To fill in the background with so many details that the foreground goes underground.
We are making a survey – We need more time to think of an answer.
Note and initial – Let's spread the responsibility for this.
Let's get together on this – I'm assuming you're as confused as I am.
See me (Let's discuss) – Come down to my office, I'm lonely.
Give us the benefit of your present thinking – We'll listen to what you have to say as long as it doesn't interfere with what we have already decided to do.
We will advise you in due course – If we figure it out we'll let you know.
To give someone the big picture – A long, confused and inaccurate statement to a newcomer.
