Having...

Having...

Having... What do I have? I don't feel like I do...

But then again, no many have had my chance, not many have given their all...
at times though...

Neither did I...

Giving...

Giving...

Giving... What do I give? I feel helpless against my own ways...

My emotional maelstrom that causes me to lose my ability to think... Driven and pounded to the point of exhaustion like a life worth writing about...

I would write about it, I would try and make words express what raw uranium reaching its limit before the atoms split is like... What is that like?

Its like watching as you know the world will end, the very essence of my being becoming vaporized in a moment of... Well, sure as shit not clarity...

You... Take... My... breath... AWAY!

But in a wonderful, birth of a universe kind of way. I didn't think I hade a use in this life I call ours when I dream... ours, god I wish...

You say someday... and I believe you... I trust that I am the one who knows when you need me and when you don't... You don't and wont EVER. NEED. ME... but you will...

I will never use this to make you bend in ways you don't want, I will never remind you of this because I don't need to... I didn't think it was a possibility at all anyway....

My eyes are open... My mind is focused and I know that REALITY is truth and you are my fixed point, I have many lines to follow and things to make and walls to break before I can make my escape the the heaven that is your eyes... Your smile... Your voice, like the orchestra of my fantasies, nothing but you and I... not floating in space like some horror show snuff film with a happy ending...

Like red snow, with no survivors as long as we are dismembered next to eachother... No its not a fairytale... But its a story worth being a part of...

I look at you... I see happiness, I see sadness...
I look at you... I see your mother and all of the things that have made her who she is...

I look at you... and I see more than the sum of your parts...

You are beautiful, you are unknowingly the electrical charge that makes my heart being to the tempo of our favorite songs, every time they play, and every time our hands meet, our lips touch, and every time we have to do what we have to do to stay alive long enough to get back to our time-space warp where we are one...

You bring me to my knees... I move heaven and earth without blinking and burn the fabric of existence to make the path to you unblocked... You are my greatest strength and my deadliest need... I breathe you, I taste you, it does not stop, it will not stop...

That's ok right? That I love you? That I will always be in love with everything about you, I LOVE YOU...

Your words soothe my every fear, hands soothe my every pain, your kiss drys all my tears and makes me know that I am worth all the effort, I am not perfect...

But you make me feel that way...

I know that I need you... Not in the way the word makes it seem... I need you like an engine needs oil... without you I will run until I explode and kill everything close to me...

But when I have you... (When I get you back)
I will get you back, because we belong together, WE. YOU. Me. US. Yeah I said it, and im not afraid to say it again, to scream it from the rooftops and make it "FB official"

But I don't care about that shit... All I really want, is for you to feel like YOU made the right choice with me, YOU chose me... I cannot choose to make you mine, MAKE... I hate that word... but you and I make eachother better...

WE. ARE. UNSTOPPABLE. You. are balance, control, FACT.
WE. ARE. UNSTOPPABLE. I. am power, Follow through, EMOTION.

WE cannot be more than what we are when we combine our talents, each of us is strong enough to survive this world on our own...

But together... We can rule this world and everything we come into contact with...

I will NEVER give up on you... I will NEVER give up on us...

BECAUSE... you have never given up on me...

I love you... See this, see my heart spilled into almost unintelligible word vomit on a page and know... That you are my one and only, you are my everything... you are my hopes... my dreams.... my love... my passion... my endurance... my strength... my balance... my tears... my smiles.... my heart.... my fantasies... my cure... my drug... my reason... my liberation of self... my fixed point... my goal... my kizl...

My life...
My wife? maybe? maybe for real this time.... maybe when I can show you that it is ok to trust me again...

I want to bark at you when I call your name... get my meaning? ARF? ARF ARF ARF... and you can say like a retard, HAI RJF!!! and spit all over the windshield and laugh with me when I bark at you more...

Love... Love... LOVE... LOVE... The single most powerful force in the universe(s) You and I... US.

You have me face to face right now... im not even near you... but I see you, your eyes as they search mine for a reason to keep giving me chances... And I am looking back, and without saying anything, expressing why we belong together with a smile and a kiss...

I love you... You.

143xInfinitum A.R.L. (Alpha, my love, my reason to become Dominant, to become strong enough to be bigger than you and let you feel controlled with comfort and security)

Forever...
Always...
Your...
Loving...
Male...
Alpha if you will let me...

Come back soon...

I will be ready...

<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3