I'm wondering about my time spent online so far. Everytime I see people on streams, I keep thinking that everyone crams themselves into one room just to get an artists attention. The only ones I see get words in edge wise are those whos commissions are being drawn on the stream. What makes my anxiety act up is thinking that they have time to do commissions and work together, but their time isn't available for anything else in between. I don't know if I'm the only one thinking this but I just feel like I have to be on the commissions list to get talked to by such artists.

Of course the way I'm talking, it's no secret. Another part of me feels bad like i'm being creepy or being too needy for attention. Referring back to 'what others never see', it's all more about some issues i have with my self esteem and lack of company or companionship to really feel like I have people who like having me around. I've been burned quite a few times and I've had times where I lost people along the way due to social awkwardity or personal choices I made that were either bad or questionable. What makes me worse is having no response back about my actions or impatience. So it just builds up to worse and worse symptoms.

I only wonder if anyone else has ever had that same situation with built up anxiety over misunderstandings or miscommunication. If so, let me know.