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Ive lost all hope...seriously
16 years ago
When I was way younger, I did a brief schtick in retail work. I was 16 and my options were fairly limited so I decided to work for the summer at a local amusement park. Back in those days, I spent 6-8 hours a day working between a joint mexican and fried chicken place. What always stuck with me about those days were not really the customers. I went above and beyond for the people I served, I was cordial and warm and they reciprocated likewise for the exception of one memorable couple. After I served their food they lingered in my window trying to convince me to spend a "weekend" with them. They were very persistent that I let them know when I got off work so that the husband could pick me up and we would spend a fun filled weekend in their jersey cottage. They stopped short of being vulgar and thus, even if I wanted to I could never prove sexual intent although there was ZERO doubt in my mind that they were perverts looking to have their way with me lol. Needless to say I declined profusely and life went on.
Managers on the other hand were a fucking nightmare. Generally, we were watched by this teenage wanna-be-man that had a large and rather bothersome stick up his ass. He would watch every move we made and at the slightest error he would issue a write up. If you think I am exaggerating, I got written up 3 times, yes 3 fucking times because a customer changed his/her order and I had to void out what I had input previously. So working for that tyrant was no fun, not that the general manager was any better. She was a big imposing woman upwards of 40. Her pride was to institute surprise food checks, because heaven forbid if you ate a fucking taco. She would come in and hover over the employees back to make sure food was being prepared with the correct portions, and GOD HELP YOU if you put more than 1 scoop of sour cream on that chicken soft taco!
I thought retail could not get any worse. MY GOD was I wrong lol.
I now work at a local arts and craft store. For the life of me I can not grasp what the fuck goes through peoples mind (or lack there of) anymore. I swore that I would never do retail again after that amusement park but as is often the case, circumstances are often taken out of our hands. I applied for my current position as a joke. I had been looking for employment for some time and having no luck so while my sister was shopping she noticed a now hiring sign and jokingly suggested that I apply. I took the bait and before I knew it I was an employee.
Before my first day I was already dreading the abuse from the management. I had nightmares of slave drivers constantly harassing me to make sure that precious procedures were followed word for word. I showed up and to my complete and utter surprise, management for the most part was awesome. To this day I have yet to have a real issue with my managers and supervisors and I can honestly say that there are some that I like a whole lot and with time could consider friends.
My first week I got shown the ropes and the place could not have been nicer. I looked forward to coming in to work even if my pay was meager. The other people who worked there were fucking fantastic to work with with like 2 or 3 exceptions. I was seriously baffled by the quality of the employees. This mind set lasted exactly 2 weeks, then my retail nightmare began lol.
First off, going into the job, I knew I would have to deal with customers who would be difficult. I knew and accepted this fact, what I did not expect was to deal with the complete and utter moronic, dirty, perverted scum of this earth. For an arts and craft store, we sure tend to attract the absolute lowest form of human life known to this planet.
I have had customers who flag me down to ask me where a particular item is only for me to point out to them that not only are they standing right in front of it, but also have said product in their hand already. They get so fucking pissy like its my fault that they have the attention span of a fruit fly. They assume that I am poking fun at them, which Im not since i could care less for someone who cant even tell where the fuck they are. They bring out lovely gems like "Im going to talk to your manager about your attitude, and when you get fired over this I hope you will never find a job again". I could care less. My managers know that I am non confrontational with the customers, and they have to deal with these imbeciles on a daily basis so they KNOW they are just itching for an argument.
Ive had the customers who INSIST on asking me if every blessed item they are carrying is on sale. I am not a walking ad. Corporate makes the sale decisions not I. I am honest about it with them. I tell them flat out, "I dont know" and wouldnt you know it, their response is "well, why not?" Moron for the win. Though, sometimes if Im in a good mood, and they arent carrying like 1000 things I will walk with them to the item locations and double check for them. Its pretty standard that when I reach the isle, I see HUGE fucking signs sticking out of the wall displaying that the items they have chosen are indeed on sale. I guess they couldnt spare the half a brain cell it would take for them to make a mental note that they are buying whats on sale. Dimwits.
Around Halloween, people were buying a shitload of crappy decorations and party favors. Once Halloween ended, we began marking stuff down to get rid of them. This absolute asswipe of a lady comes in with TWO full carts of Halloween shit and wants to return each and every item because she saw that we had marked shit down. The poor cashier who had to return this crap wasted almost 45 minutes and the bitch ended up saving a grand total of $1.29. A lot of the crap she had bough was on sale when she got them, not so when she returned them so she wasted an unthinkable amount of time for a fucking buck. We usually were understaffed, only 5 of us to the store. Its unthinkable.
Part of what I do is run a cash register. I cant even begin to count the customers who as soon as I ring the last item they had demand a discount, not ask demand. No go, sorry but Im not giving you a discount just cus you asked, its my job on the line to do something stupid like that. They usually get upset and then give me a sob story about having a coupon but that they forgot it at home. Apparently in the past such customers were able to fill out some sort of log and they would get the discount or some shit like that. Thats not how we do it now, Im not giving you a discount I have no proof you deserve, end of story. I am also not going to honor a coupon that you dont physically have on your person not matter how nice, or how loud and idiotic you act. For all I care you can have a heart attack out of sheer anger, the most Ill do is dial 911 for ya and then laugh about your predicament with my buds later. Also dont expect me to honor an expired coupon, I dont care if it was done before for you, I will not. After you are done calling me names you can move on to the next cashier who if they have any integrity will also refuse you but at that point is ceases to be my problem.
Recently I had a customer that DID have a coupon on her but she got things that were already on sale so I could not discount her. Get this folks, she had a grand total of 4 items (2 sets of 2) one item was .36 cents, the other was .40 cents. She made a huge stink because they were supposed to be 70% and 80% off. I did the math and they were indeed 70 and 80. She argued with me forever and I finally had to call a co-worker who then had to take the time to search the items out, verify their discounted price and return to my register. He verified the math but this bitch of a customer would not let go. She argued with us some more until we finally did the math right in front of her. She finally seems to get that we are not going to discount those items further and at this point I was trying very hard not to bite her face off. To end things, I take her items that she fought long and hard for (half an hour at least people!) and place them on top of the pile of shit we have to return to their place and this lady gets offended and said "What are you doing? I was going to buy them regardless I just wanted the right discount!" At this point I was at my limit, if she had said another moronic thing I would have driven over her with a shopping cart! I finish her transaction and wish her a pleasant evening (it stuck in my craw let me tell ya). That almost drove me to quit lol. Thankfully my co-workers know how it goes and know how to diffuse or believe me I would have sat my fat ass on that lady till she turned purple >.<
Her bill Was not even $2.50 all told.
We get the mothers who come in with their kids (regardless of age) that really tick me off too. Their brats are screaming and carrying on and they do abso-fucking-lutely NOTHING to quiet them down. We had a one of these pod babies that cried almost constantly for 4 hours one night. Drove me and my co-workers nuts. We almost threw a party when the lady left with her crying spawn. Seriously folks, if you have problems controlling your children, or if you are unwilling to discipline them then for fucks sake leave them at home! No one should be subjected to your squalling brat just cus you enter our store. T_T I hate those nights when there are kids in the store, I always leave with a migraine.
Then we have the Filth category! These are the customers who Have such a strong body odor that the fake silk flowers wilt as they walk by. These are the people who smell fucking RIPE. We had this guy who just fucking smelled spicy, and his smell permeated the whole fucking store from the moment he walked in. I though someone had puked, and Im a pussy for puke so I was looking for the mess to get someone else to clean it but no it was all this guy. Since he smelled SOO bad no employee would get near him, and I was unfortunate enough to be spotted by him. So I put my bravest face forward and go see what this guy wants. Simple enough he wants a basket. He is explaining this to me and Im trying to hover out of the immediate radius of funk when I make a fatal mistake and decide to take a tiny breath at the same time this guy lifts his arm to point to the basket he wants. O M F G!!! The stench alone knocked me back 4 isles. I quickly excused myself to get the hook we use to bring down items. I run outside for a breath of fresh air and on my way back to the swamp that is now the basket isle I grab the hook. I begin to bring down his basket so he can fucking leave when he decides on another style of course while pointing his skank ass pits in my general direction. I have tears falling down my face both from lack of air and from dying a little inside he finally gets his basket and gets the fuck out. His smell stayed the rest of the day T______T People, if you are going out in public for heavens sake, BATHE! NO ONE wants to smell your skanky ass genitalia or your festering pits. Going somewhere like that is an embarrassment to yourself and to us as a human race.
I am stock crew, which means I do the cleaning at night, one of my worst duties is our bathrooms. I dont know how people can pull off some of the shit they do in those bathrooms and still consider themselves human by any standards. I have had to clean cum off the male bathroom walls (TWICE) I have had to clean a bloody hand prints from the toilet bowls in the female bathrooms, I have had to clean someones whiskers after they decided to shave. I have had to clear SHIT off the floor and walls. My co worker once had to clean shit off the fucking ceiling! One night I even had to clean shit smeared on the floor from an apparent butt drag! I think the "Lady" in question shat on the floor, sat on it and proceeded to imitate a dog dragging his butt on the floor. These people are utterly disgusting. Every night there is something disgusting to clean, and stupid questions to answer.
That being said, I do love certain customers. There are a few who know me by first name. They are the cream of the crop and the ones that make the job worth while. These are the people who if they decide not to buy something, they put it back, not get 10,000 stickers and then decide at the register that they REALLY only needed 1 of them >.<. Better yet, the ones who thank you for your time. These are the people I live for lol. We had one seriously smelly woman come in once and I was helping a customer choosing yarn. This foul lady came up to me, completely interrupted me and the customer and was a total bitch about it, Ill never forget the look on her face when my customer told her to grow the fuck up and to fucking bathe before inflicting her presence on civilized society. I had to excuse myself to the back room to have a laughing fit. Ever since then, this particular customer gets my full and undivided attention.
Humanity has lost my vote
DOWN WITH HUMANS, UP WITH FURRIES!!
Managers on the other hand were a fucking nightmare. Generally, we were watched by this teenage wanna-be-man that had a large and rather bothersome stick up his ass. He would watch every move we made and at the slightest error he would issue a write up. If you think I am exaggerating, I got written up 3 times, yes 3 fucking times because a customer changed his/her order and I had to void out what I had input previously. So working for that tyrant was no fun, not that the general manager was any better. She was a big imposing woman upwards of 40. Her pride was to institute surprise food checks, because heaven forbid if you ate a fucking taco. She would come in and hover over the employees back to make sure food was being prepared with the correct portions, and GOD HELP YOU if you put more than 1 scoop of sour cream on that chicken soft taco!
I thought retail could not get any worse. MY GOD was I wrong lol.
I now work at a local arts and craft store. For the life of me I can not grasp what the fuck goes through peoples mind (or lack there of) anymore. I swore that I would never do retail again after that amusement park but as is often the case, circumstances are often taken out of our hands. I applied for my current position as a joke. I had been looking for employment for some time and having no luck so while my sister was shopping she noticed a now hiring sign and jokingly suggested that I apply. I took the bait and before I knew it I was an employee.
Before my first day I was already dreading the abuse from the management. I had nightmares of slave drivers constantly harassing me to make sure that precious procedures were followed word for word. I showed up and to my complete and utter surprise, management for the most part was awesome. To this day I have yet to have a real issue with my managers and supervisors and I can honestly say that there are some that I like a whole lot and with time could consider friends.
My first week I got shown the ropes and the place could not have been nicer. I looked forward to coming in to work even if my pay was meager. The other people who worked there were fucking fantastic to work with with like 2 or 3 exceptions. I was seriously baffled by the quality of the employees. This mind set lasted exactly 2 weeks, then my retail nightmare began lol.
First off, going into the job, I knew I would have to deal with customers who would be difficult. I knew and accepted this fact, what I did not expect was to deal with the complete and utter moronic, dirty, perverted scum of this earth. For an arts and craft store, we sure tend to attract the absolute lowest form of human life known to this planet.
I have had customers who flag me down to ask me where a particular item is only for me to point out to them that not only are they standing right in front of it, but also have said product in their hand already. They get so fucking pissy like its my fault that they have the attention span of a fruit fly. They assume that I am poking fun at them, which Im not since i could care less for someone who cant even tell where the fuck they are. They bring out lovely gems like "Im going to talk to your manager about your attitude, and when you get fired over this I hope you will never find a job again". I could care less. My managers know that I am non confrontational with the customers, and they have to deal with these imbeciles on a daily basis so they KNOW they are just itching for an argument.
Ive had the customers who INSIST on asking me if every blessed item they are carrying is on sale. I am not a walking ad. Corporate makes the sale decisions not I. I am honest about it with them. I tell them flat out, "I dont know" and wouldnt you know it, their response is "well, why not?" Moron for the win. Though, sometimes if Im in a good mood, and they arent carrying like 1000 things I will walk with them to the item locations and double check for them. Its pretty standard that when I reach the isle, I see HUGE fucking signs sticking out of the wall displaying that the items they have chosen are indeed on sale. I guess they couldnt spare the half a brain cell it would take for them to make a mental note that they are buying whats on sale. Dimwits.
Around Halloween, people were buying a shitload of crappy decorations and party favors. Once Halloween ended, we began marking stuff down to get rid of them. This absolute asswipe of a lady comes in with TWO full carts of Halloween shit and wants to return each and every item because she saw that we had marked shit down. The poor cashier who had to return this crap wasted almost 45 minutes and the bitch ended up saving a grand total of $1.29. A lot of the crap she had bough was on sale when she got them, not so when she returned them so she wasted an unthinkable amount of time for a fucking buck. We usually were understaffed, only 5 of us to the store. Its unthinkable.
Part of what I do is run a cash register. I cant even begin to count the customers who as soon as I ring the last item they had demand a discount, not ask demand. No go, sorry but Im not giving you a discount just cus you asked, its my job on the line to do something stupid like that. They usually get upset and then give me a sob story about having a coupon but that they forgot it at home. Apparently in the past such customers were able to fill out some sort of log and they would get the discount or some shit like that. Thats not how we do it now, Im not giving you a discount I have no proof you deserve, end of story. I am also not going to honor a coupon that you dont physically have on your person not matter how nice, or how loud and idiotic you act. For all I care you can have a heart attack out of sheer anger, the most Ill do is dial 911 for ya and then laugh about your predicament with my buds later. Also dont expect me to honor an expired coupon, I dont care if it was done before for you, I will not. After you are done calling me names you can move on to the next cashier who if they have any integrity will also refuse you but at that point is ceases to be my problem.
Recently I had a customer that DID have a coupon on her but she got things that were already on sale so I could not discount her. Get this folks, she had a grand total of 4 items (2 sets of 2) one item was .36 cents, the other was .40 cents. She made a huge stink because they were supposed to be 70% and 80% off. I did the math and they were indeed 70 and 80. She argued with me forever and I finally had to call a co-worker who then had to take the time to search the items out, verify their discounted price and return to my register. He verified the math but this bitch of a customer would not let go. She argued with us some more until we finally did the math right in front of her. She finally seems to get that we are not going to discount those items further and at this point I was trying very hard not to bite her face off. To end things, I take her items that she fought long and hard for (half an hour at least people!) and place them on top of the pile of shit we have to return to their place and this lady gets offended and said "What are you doing? I was going to buy them regardless I just wanted the right discount!" At this point I was at my limit, if she had said another moronic thing I would have driven over her with a shopping cart! I finish her transaction and wish her a pleasant evening (it stuck in my craw let me tell ya). That almost drove me to quit lol. Thankfully my co-workers know how it goes and know how to diffuse or believe me I would have sat my fat ass on that lady till she turned purple >.<
Her bill Was not even $2.50 all told.
We get the mothers who come in with their kids (regardless of age) that really tick me off too. Their brats are screaming and carrying on and they do abso-fucking-lutely NOTHING to quiet them down. We had a one of these pod babies that cried almost constantly for 4 hours one night. Drove me and my co-workers nuts. We almost threw a party when the lady left with her crying spawn. Seriously folks, if you have problems controlling your children, or if you are unwilling to discipline them then for fucks sake leave them at home! No one should be subjected to your squalling brat just cus you enter our store. T_T I hate those nights when there are kids in the store, I always leave with a migraine.
Then we have the Filth category! These are the customers who Have such a strong body odor that the fake silk flowers wilt as they walk by. These are the people who smell fucking RIPE. We had this guy who just fucking smelled spicy, and his smell permeated the whole fucking store from the moment he walked in. I though someone had puked, and Im a pussy for puke so I was looking for the mess to get someone else to clean it but no it was all this guy. Since he smelled SOO bad no employee would get near him, and I was unfortunate enough to be spotted by him. So I put my bravest face forward and go see what this guy wants. Simple enough he wants a basket. He is explaining this to me and Im trying to hover out of the immediate radius of funk when I make a fatal mistake and decide to take a tiny breath at the same time this guy lifts his arm to point to the basket he wants. O M F G!!! The stench alone knocked me back 4 isles. I quickly excused myself to get the hook we use to bring down items. I run outside for a breath of fresh air and on my way back to the swamp that is now the basket isle I grab the hook. I begin to bring down his basket so he can fucking leave when he decides on another style of course while pointing his skank ass pits in my general direction. I have tears falling down my face both from lack of air and from dying a little inside he finally gets his basket and gets the fuck out. His smell stayed the rest of the day T______T People, if you are going out in public for heavens sake, BATHE! NO ONE wants to smell your skanky ass genitalia or your festering pits. Going somewhere like that is an embarrassment to yourself and to us as a human race.
I am stock crew, which means I do the cleaning at night, one of my worst duties is our bathrooms. I dont know how people can pull off some of the shit they do in those bathrooms and still consider themselves human by any standards. I have had to clean cum off the male bathroom walls (TWICE) I have had to clean a bloody hand prints from the toilet bowls in the female bathrooms, I have had to clean someones whiskers after they decided to shave. I have had to clear SHIT off the floor and walls. My co worker once had to clean shit off the fucking ceiling! One night I even had to clean shit smeared on the floor from an apparent butt drag! I think the "Lady" in question shat on the floor, sat on it and proceeded to imitate a dog dragging his butt on the floor. These people are utterly disgusting. Every night there is something disgusting to clean, and stupid questions to answer.
That being said, I do love certain customers. There are a few who know me by first name. They are the cream of the crop and the ones that make the job worth while. These are the people who if they decide not to buy something, they put it back, not get 10,000 stickers and then decide at the register that they REALLY only needed 1 of them >.<. Better yet, the ones who thank you for your time. These are the people I live for lol. We had one seriously smelly woman come in once and I was helping a customer choosing yarn. This foul lady came up to me, completely interrupted me and the customer and was a total bitch about it, Ill never forget the look on her face when my customer told her to grow the fuck up and to fucking bathe before inflicting her presence on civilized society. I had to excuse myself to the back room to have a laughing fit. Ever since then, this particular customer gets my full and undivided attention.
Humanity has lost my vote
DOWN WITH HUMANS, UP WITH FURRIES!!
