So the long and short of it is this. My grandmother dying, and then my parents splitting up, a couple years ago... Coming so soon after I had to drop out of school, it destroyed me. Then what was left of my family tore itself apart while all I could do was helplessly watch. I gave up. I've been in an extremely dark place for the past couple years. Just not caring. Too depressed to try anymore. I gave in completely to my depression, and my fibro myalgia. I even felt suicidal again for the first time since I went through treatment, at one point.

But things are changing. I'm still living with my mother, but she's moving, and taking me along, into a happy, active household. I'm leaving this basement I've barely left for two years, I'm finding motivation again in my boyfriend. In the realization that I've failed. I don't want to stay like this. I want to stop just existing. I want to *live*. I don't know what the future holds. I don't know if I'll be able to apply myself more to my art, but I want to try. I want to make something of myself.

I just needed to put this somewhere. Tell someone, even if that 'someone' is the nebulous amount of people who still pay attention to what I post anymore. Thanks for taking the time to read this.