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Some words of wisdom
11 years ago
Once, there was a time when...
I'm feeling in a sharing mood tonight so I'll share some words of wisdom. Have you ever told someone who is troubled by something, "There are people going through worse things," or "Other people are going through the same things you are."? Have you ever been told those things or some variation of them and not know what to respond with or feel awkward? Well it's because saying something like that to someone is wrong.
Just because someone else is going through something worse does not mean a person shouldn't feel bad about what they're going through. Those kinds of phrases do nothing to help the troubled person because telling someone that somebody else is troubled as well is not a "cure all" to people's problems. Not only could it be taken as if you're diverting from the issue at hand, but you're basically slapping someone and telling them that their problems don't matter because someone has it worse and they shouldn't feel bad about their problems.
I've both seen and heard this told to others and myself and it has never made me feel better that someone is trying to make me think about another person's problems. People know that there are others who are worse off, they know that other people are going through similar things, and they certainly don't need anyone trying to downplay or belittle their issues just because someone else has worse or just as bad.
I know the intention behind those words is to be for a good reason, at least I hope, but those are the wrong phrases to use and do nothing to help the person. They aren't words of healing, or courage, or strength, and people should not fool themselves or others into thinking they are. There are much better ways to help someone feel better than saying things like that. Even if you aren't sure what to say to someone, just simply being there as a shoulder to cry on or to just listen is very helpful to someone.
For those of you who have been told this, please understand that your issues are not any worse off just because someone else is going through something more severe or just as bad. But don't mistake this as saying you should dwell and feel sorry for yourself either. What I'm saying is that it's okay to feel bad about bad things happening to you and that you shouldn't have to be told someone has it worse or just as bad as you to feel better. That actually would be a bad thing because that's basically getting better because of someone's pain.
I'm not saying you think that way or that anyone means for it to be like that but if you really think about it, that's almost how it is with those phrases. So for those of you saying them, try actually being there for whom ever it is that is troubled and do something to help them. Even if it's just sitting there and listening. For those of you who are troubled, find someone who will be there for you to do those things for you so that you can really move on and feel better. Do not find someone who uses those back handed ways to try and make you feel better.
Just because someone else is going through something worse does not mean a person shouldn't feel bad about what they're going through. Those kinds of phrases do nothing to help the troubled person because telling someone that somebody else is troubled as well is not a "cure all" to people's problems. Not only could it be taken as if you're diverting from the issue at hand, but you're basically slapping someone and telling them that their problems don't matter because someone has it worse and they shouldn't feel bad about their problems.
I've both seen and heard this told to others and myself and it has never made me feel better that someone is trying to make me think about another person's problems. People know that there are others who are worse off, they know that other people are going through similar things, and they certainly don't need anyone trying to downplay or belittle their issues just because someone else has worse or just as bad.
I know the intention behind those words is to be for a good reason, at least I hope, but those are the wrong phrases to use and do nothing to help the person. They aren't words of healing, or courage, or strength, and people should not fool themselves or others into thinking they are. There are much better ways to help someone feel better than saying things like that. Even if you aren't sure what to say to someone, just simply being there as a shoulder to cry on or to just listen is very helpful to someone.
For those of you who have been told this, please understand that your issues are not any worse off just because someone else is going through something more severe or just as bad. But don't mistake this as saying you should dwell and feel sorry for yourself either. What I'm saying is that it's okay to feel bad about bad things happening to you and that you shouldn't have to be told someone has it worse or just as bad as you to feel better. That actually would be a bad thing because that's basically getting better because of someone's pain.
I'm not saying you think that way or that anyone means for it to be like that but if you really think about it, that's almost how it is with those phrases. So for those of you saying them, try actually being there for whom ever it is that is troubled and do something to help them. Even if it's just sitting there and listening. For those of you who are troubled, find someone who will be there for you to do those things for you so that you can really move on and feel better. Do not find someone who uses those back handed ways to try and make you feel better.
