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Self Deprecation At Its Finest
11 years ago
General
A: So, while I'm still in the middle of writing her up, I'd like to show you our newest member.
R: Let me guess: it's that cat chick, right?
M: Meryl Blaire. I'm the cat chick and source of sexual release.
A: What?
M: Face it, you have plenty wrong about yourself, and I'm part of it. Don't believe me? Why don't I show you? First, is Rall over there. Not your first creation, but certainly your most prominent. Do you know why he is the way he is? Why he is shy? It's not because he's simply a character of yours, but more a projection of yourself. You know what I mean. You believe that no one pays attention to you. You feel like every word you speak, every opinion you have is constantly drowned out in the sea of opinions of others. You try to make an input into a conversation, but it's most often ignored. The most you ever get is a mere dismissal before the topic resumes. Hence, you become more introverted, less open, believing full well that no one gives a crap about what you have to say. I suppose, lately Rall has become the voice to the things you do wish to say, only it's the things you say about yourself. He, too has personified your desire to help others. Though, it's never simply out of the kindness of your heart, but out of the loathing for yourself. You surround yourself with others less fortunate than yourself, then you put yourself even lower than them. In the absence of trying to help yourself, you put all that care into other people and neglect yourself, like you're some scum of the Earth. In fact, you've personified the way you see yourself so well in Rall, you've even taken to having others call you that.
R: She IS right, you know.
M: That's not all the characters of yours, you know. There is another. A personification of your fears. You fear you'll one day become nothing but a self-absorbed bastard. That's why you couldn't take being called rude. It's so much of a fear, you're afraid to admit it, instead lying and telling everyone you have hydrophobia. And, believe me, we'll get to that little "gem". But, you didn't get the whole personification from one thing. You misguidedly nabbed a personification from the first thing you associated with a self-centered bastard: your own biological father. You took the things you first associated with him--drunkenness, clumsiness, a self-absorbed attitude, and of course stealing every cent of yours to fund a trip away from his debtors--and you put it into a single character. And, you named this character Nats.
A: That's...
M: And, that's not all. Of course, there's still me. Meryl Blaire. A character who was not even supposed to be a part of this self-deprecation. You originally intended for me to be a type of idealistic character. You even nabbed some elements from your favorite story. My name, the fact I come from England, my original badass attitude. You took these and other elements from a conglomeration from the Metal Gear series. There were some elements, though, that were for a much darker purpose. My hobby: free-diving. My species: cat. The very fact that you made it so it was possible to drown me over and over again. It was merely to fulfill the purpose of sexual release. And, yet, I was never meant to tell you all this. Why is that? Simply because you can't stand to let yourself have any fun without later hating yourself for it. Why else would you be recording all this? It's like a snuff film for you, but to fulfill the opposite purpose.
A:...
M: But, you're not as terrible as you think you are. You're a wonderful person. You are capable of the kindness you show others, even if it is to neglect yourself. You are also highly intelligent. Your laziness and procrastination are merely your way of making yourself believe you don't deserve this. But, deserving or not, you need to use that intelligence to help others, like you've always wanted. And, of course, there's your pledge to pacifism. Not many people can show that same restraint, especially around so many that "ignore" you. So, quit beating yourself up. You need to stick around. And, besides, I'm sure everyone is getting tired of you constantly ranting about how terrible you are. Just, keep writing. And, even if the writing is only to satisfy your own desires, or to bash yourself further, keep doing it anyway. Someone's bound to notice and love it.
A: ...
R: You know, I think you've finally hit the nail on the head with character creation.
R: Let me guess: it's that cat chick, right?
M: Meryl Blaire. I'm the cat chick and source of sexual release.
A: What?
M: Face it, you have plenty wrong about yourself, and I'm part of it. Don't believe me? Why don't I show you? First, is Rall over there. Not your first creation, but certainly your most prominent. Do you know why he is the way he is? Why he is shy? It's not because he's simply a character of yours, but more a projection of yourself. You know what I mean. You believe that no one pays attention to you. You feel like every word you speak, every opinion you have is constantly drowned out in the sea of opinions of others. You try to make an input into a conversation, but it's most often ignored. The most you ever get is a mere dismissal before the topic resumes. Hence, you become more introverted, less open, believing full well that no one gives a crap about what you have to say. I suppose, lately Rall has become the voice to the things you do wish to say, only it's the things you say about yourself. He, too has personified your desire to help others. Though, it's never simply out of the kindness of your heart, but out of the loathing for yourself. You surround yourself with others less fortunate than yourself, then you put yourself even lower than them. In the absence of trying to help yourself, you put all that care into other people and neglect yourself, like you're some scum of the Earth. In fact, you've personified the way you see yourself so well in Rall, you've even taken to having others call you that.
R: She IS right, you know.
M: That's not all the characters of yours, you know. There is another. A personification of your fears. You fear you'll one day become nothing but a self-absorbed bastard. That's why you couldn't take being called rude. It's so much of a fear, you're afraid to admit it, instead lying and telling everyone you have hydrophobia. And, believe me, we'll get to that little "gem". But, you didn't get the whole personification from one thing. You misguidedly nabbed a personification from the first thing you associated with a self-centered bastard: your own biological father. You took the things you first associated with him--drunkenness, clumsiness, a self-absorbed attitude, and of course stealing every cent of yours to fund a trip away from his debtors--and you put it into a single character. And, you named this character Nats.
A: That's...
M: And, that's not all. Of course, there's still me. Meryl Blaire. A character who was not even supposed to be a part of this self-deprecation. You originally intended for me to be a type of idealistic character. You even nabbed some elements from your favorite story. My name, the fact I come from England, my original badass attitude. You took these and other elements from a conglomeration from the Metal Gear series. There were some elements, though, that were for a much darker purpose. My hobby: free-diving. My species: cat. The very fact that you made it so it was possible to drown me over and over again. It was merely to fulfill the purpose of sexual release. And, yet, I was never meant to tell you all this. Why is that? Simply because you can't stand to let yourself have any fun without later hating yourself for it. Why else would you be recording all this? It's like a snuff film for you, but to fulfill the opposite purpose.
A:...
M: But, you're not as terrible as you think you are. You're a wonderful person. You are capable of the kindness you show others, even if it is to neglect yourself. You are also highly intelligent. Your laziness and procrastination are merely your way of making yourself believe you don't deserve this. But, deserving or not, you need to use that intelligence to help others, like you've always wanted. And, of course, there's your pledge to pacifism. Not many people can show that same restraint, especially around so many that "ignore" you. So, quit beating yourself up. You need to stick around. And, besides, I'm sure everyone is getting tired of you constantly ranting about how terrible you are. Just, keep writing. And, even if the writing is only to satisfy your own desires, or to bash yourself further, keep doing it anyway. Someone's bound to notice and love it.
A: ...
R: You know, I think you've finally hit the nail on the head with character creation.
