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I'm Alone Again
11 years ago
The only communication I'd had with my significant other involved a bevy of mid-Saturday text messages from her saying that I am "lost", and that I should "repent and find Jesus." I knew then that the woman I fell in love with 2 years ago was completely gone.
As my only open channel of communication with her appeared to be text messaging, I told her that I could not continue and did not want any relationship with her. This was hard because it felt as though I was inflicting a wound upon my self when I sent that message. I had no choice - this was a woman saying that I led her to evil by taking her to see Petroglyphs in the desert. It had the feeling of taking your very ill and most cherished dog to be put down.
This was a serious and long term relationship. We'd been on two vacations together, shared so much in our interests, we even looked the same. She was the one whom I'd chosen to share my most cherished and secret spots in eastern California and Nevada. She lived with me, and I was beginning to plan the timing of a possible proposal to her this autumn. At this point, our lives were so integrated that I cannot find peace or solace because everything which gave me that comfort was something we purchased together (or for each other) - various gifts, photos, cards, blankets, most of the food in my fridge, even some furniture. Sitting here, I'm surrounded by artifacts of our by-gone love.
Fox is not well and feels very alone. I'm guess I become too attached - perhaps needy. I'm such a soft person inside. I've been crying so much because I desperately want that person I once knew two years ago back again - but she does not exist now.
As my only open channel of communication with her appeared to be text messaging, I told her that I could not continue and did not want any relationship with her. This was hard because it felt as though I was inflicting a wound upon my self when I sent that message. I had no choice - this was a woman saying that I led her to evil by taking her to see Petroglyphs in the desert. It had the feeling of taking your very ill and most cherished dog to be put down.
This was a serious and long term relationship. We'd been on two vacations together, shared so much in our interests, we even looked the same. She was the one whom I'd chosen to share my most cherished and secret spots in eastern California and Nevada. She lived with me, and I was beginning to plan the timing of a possible proposal to her this autumn. At this point, our lives were so integrated that I cannot find peace or solace because everything which gave me that comfort was something we purchased together (or for each other) - various gifts, photos, cards, blankets, most of the food in my fridge, even some furniture. Sitting here, I'm surrounded by artifacts of our by-gone love.
Fox is not well and feels very alone. I'm guess I become too attached - perhaps needy. I'm such a soft person inside. I've been crying so much because I desperately want that person I once knew two years ago back again - but she does not exist now.
i very much know what you're talking about and it is very disappointing to hear when someone important had slowly gone down the wrong way by their own decision, when that person seemed like to be on the same path from the start
just remember that it was never lost if it wasn't found in the first place, even if it seemed like it
in the end, it doesn't matter who you've started with, what matters is who's gonna be there with you to share your goal
your life is yours, don't let someone else who matters to you now little to still partake in it
You're never alone.
Though saying that don't blame yourself for the decision you've made, as in the end it was the right one, many people change and sometimes end up going their separate ways but there's no point trying to hold on to something if it is just going to drag you down and hurt you or even worse blame you for the way they are because after at time you might even start believing it yourself and that's definitely not a place to be.
so all I can say is stay strong and you'll get through it and remember you will always have your friends to support you (in real life as well as on-line I'm sure)
"People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. When you figure out which one it is, you will know what to do for each person.
When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally, or spiritually. They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrong doing on your part, or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done. Now it is time to move on.
When people come into your life for a SEASON, it is because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn. They bring you an experience of peace, or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy... but only for a season.
LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons; things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person, and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant."
It sounds like your significant other was only meant to be with you for a season. Take what you learned from her, your memories and experiences, and use them moving forward with your life. And know that you are never, ever alone. *hugs gently*
Though, in the future, stay away from religious girls, there are many "not so nice" songs written about them. Hell, I'd say stay away from religion entirely, my life became much more clear and peaceful and easy to deal with when I dropped religion and chose a more agnostic/spiritual/native approach to things...
Gay, straight, Bi, or whatever else, breakups are hard.
Hope you feel better soon.
You don't know me so I won't expect you to message or try to reach me but some of my thoughts are with you hoping you'll be better.
If there is a bright side ... at least the crazy showed up before you proposed to or, worse, married her.
I know that won't make the pain for now any easier. Give it time to mourn your loss, and things will be better one day.
*hugs*
Relationships are so hard because when two people fall with another, true feelings for another can become entangled in the web of blind love. It is always expected that the man would propose first, but when one is certain and the other is not, only fools rush in. When both are meant to be with another, you will both know when the time is right to move to the next step in a relationship, because there can't be a relation ship with out the love of a partnership.
I will say this, for as long as you been together, I hope there isn't kids involved for if you care about them, it will be a long battle ahead.
When I got out of the Rambo Jesus Cult years ago, I lost a lot of friends and family. They talk about keeping families together but they're happy to see couples and families broken up over religion.
I've broken up with my boyfriend after 6 years living together, because we had different views on the world. I'm an atheist and he's a Christian.
It was a long story before that had happened. But I never, never want to have a relationship with any believer anymore >___<
Still though, I'm very sorry you had to go through so much...It'll get easier with time, even if it doesn't seem like it now. Remember, if you can find happiness in your life, it'll just make finding a significant other that much better.
However, the only thing worse than having that spot meant for your partner being empty, is to have that spot occupied by someone who is not that partner. The person who was your partner is gone, so you've done right to not keep that spot occupied by the person who is not your partner.
Being alone is hard, it hurts, but it means you are free to accept the person who will be your partner when they come along, for however long you are both suited to fulfill that role for each other.
I give up ~ A poem about what you can do to anything but life and go on.
That being said, I know my words must sound incredibly petty given the length of time you spent together, and all of the shared memories. Our situations aren't the same at all, but I certainly know what it feels like to watch someone you've loved for a long time warp and change before your very eyes until they're someone you don't even know anymore, and don't want to know. It's awful. But you can only stick by them and try to save them until the point where they start to change YOU. When the very struggle starts to make you bitter, or tired, or to change your whole philosophy on life, then it's time to sever ties. It sounds like that point had been reached.
That sucks man, and I hope your next week is a lot better than your last one. Hang in there. [many hugs]
Hang in there
But let me tell you: you did the right thing. You cut yourself off before anything else horrible happened, unlike me. I was in denial for the longest time before I finally realized my mom would never come back; she was never the same, nor was I. Took me ages to come to terms. When I did, it was like a breath of fresh air and a great weight off my shoulders. It hurt, yes, but the burden wasn't there anymore. I accepted who she was and I accepted we would never be the same again. Ever. I moved away and never looked back.
You realized the relationship wasn't going to work out very well, and for that, I give you props. I know it hurts, and that's normal, and it'll be like that for awhile. But you'll be okay, I promise. As someone who experienced this as well you will be okay. It's for the best that you know this now rather than later. Way later. When it becomes harder to let go.
I wish you the best of luck and take this in stride. Everything will be fine, stranger.
Nothing wrong about being a softie either, although it does make events like this all the more painful to endure.
sending lots of love your way.
I wish you strength, my friend, be well.
In fact, we only spoke briefly over notes the once.
But if there's anything I can do for you, let me know.