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11 years ago
To be honest, I not sure how to start or how well I can explain this. Maybe its all nonsense. I have very poor choice of words, but hopefully some of you will get the idea or something.
I have a BIG problem with socializing. Most of the time I feel like I have no clue what to say or how to react in a lot of conversations, I'm usually quite in real life, not like how I am with some of you that I role play with, but other than that, its just hard for me to talk to some people. I don't know if its cause how I was raised or if I was born this way because, when I was in elementary, I used to take RSP and speech classes since I struggled so much with school, so I usually think I was born...well somewhat mentally challenged I guess. But then again, sometimes I feel like its best to keep my mouth shut, since I lack the skills.
I can be very gullible and hardly notice taking hints from others unless they make it killer obvious or point it out. I can be very sensitive about a lot of things, so I sometimes cry easily, even if I'm not being yelled at or something like that. I can also be quite, very very quite if you hung out with me, its like I'm a totally different person, I won't be like the snake that most of you know me as, just some boring dude.
These poor social skills also keeps me from staying in a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship, mostly cause of me being some stupid selfish prick. I've broken a few people's hearts, all cause of me and my stupid ass. So I'll probably never get into another relationship, to prevent having to go through breaking someone else's heart and mine again...
I also have a problem with playing way too much video games. As far as I can remember, I've been addicted to them ever since people would play the Gameboy, Sega Genesis, SNES, etc. Probably might be another reason why I have poor social skills but either way, its like a drug to me. It's kinda been keeping me from role playing than I usually would and doing other things as well. So, if I'm not working or doing anything else to keep me away from games, its just playing video games until I get tired...which doesn't happen after countless hours have passed. Sometimes I'll play games and rp at the same time, but I noticed that I shouldn't be mixing the two...and its also keeping me from eating too at times.
I don't know how to take care of myself and make decisions in life so I feel like I need my hand to be held and have someone guide me through everything. I've always been expected to be successful from my parents, but since hardly either of them were in my childhood (mostly my father) I don't think I was taught that well to do such things.
I feel like most of what I just said is more of an excuse of how I became. I know I can change into a better person but, its kind of hard to find the motivation. I wanna feel and be normal, at least in real life, open my inner core, something that will benefit me. Maybe I'm just lazy, maybe I probably shouldn't have mentioned anything I just said, keep my mouth shut and move on, drifting though life.
In conclusion,
I'm sorry for those that I've hurt or have been hurting by doing something wrong and stupid, I'm not that smart. If I'm ever doing anything that upsets you guys or if I say something that does, please tell me. I need to know these little things before they become big things.
Love you all <3
I have a BIG problem with socializing. Most of the time I feel like I have no clue what to say or how to react in a lot of conversations, I'm usually quite in real life, not like how I am with some of you that I role play with, but other than that, its just hard for me to talk to some people. I don't know if its cause how I was raised or if I was born this way because, when I was in elementary, I used to take RSP and speech classes since I struggled so much with school, so I usually think I was born...well somewhat mentally challenged I guess. But then again, sometimes I feel like its best to keep my mouth shut, since I lack the skills.
I can be very gullible and hardly notice taking hints from others unless they make it killer obvious or point it out. I can be very sensitive about a lot of things, so I sometimes cry easily, even if I'm not being yelled at or something like that. I can also be quite, very very quite if you hung out with me, its like I'm a totally different person, I won't be like the snake that most of you know me as, just some boring dude.
These poor social skills also keeps me from staying in a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship, mostly cause of me being some stupid selfish prick. I've broken a few people's hearts, all cause of me and my stupid ass. So I'll probably never get into another relationship, to prevent having to go through breaking someone else's heart and mine again...
I also have a problem with playing way too much video games. As far as I can remember, I've been addicted to them ever since people would play the Gameboy, Sega Genesis, SNES, etc. Probably might be another reason why I have poor social skills but either way, its like a drug to me. It's kinda been keeping me from role playing than I usually would and doing other things as well. So, if I'm not working or doing anything else to keep me away from games, its just playing video games until I get tired...which doesn't happen after countless hours have passed. Sometimes I'll play games and rp at the same time, but I noticed that I shouldn't be mixing the two...and its also keeping me from eating too at times.
I don't know how to take care of myself and make decisions in life so I feel like I need my hand to be held and have someone guide me through everything. I've always been expected to be successful from my parents, but since hardly either of them were in my childhood (mostly my father) I don't think I was taught that well to do such things.
I feel like most of what I just said is more of an excuse of how I became. I know I can change into a better person but, its kind of hard to find the motivation. I wanna feel and be normal, at least in real life, open my inner core, something that will benefit me. Maybe I'm just lazy, maybe I probably shouldn't have mentioned anything I just said, keep my mouth shut and move on, drifting though life.
In conclusion,
I'm sorry for those that I've hurt or have been hurting by doing something wrong and stupid, I'm not that smart. If I'm ever doing anything that upsets you guys or if I say something that does, please tell me. I need to know these little things before they become big things.
Love you all <3
At the time, I knew none of what was in this posting, having only stumbled across it just now, and my impression was.. Suffice to say, not good.
In retrospect, and after reading this, I can vastly more understand your hesitancy to talk. Certainly, I've found myself in quite similar situations in my own life. Internet addiction more than game addiction, but I would think the effects could be quite similar.
I certainly know what it's like to feel like you're being pulled in many different directions in life by those who care about you, and not desiring to go in any of those directions. Relationships with others can be a very tricky thing to strike a balance for, but once you do find that balance, it's a very comforting place to be. I would advise not giving up. Of course, use caution, and your previous experiences as a guide. You'll never entirely protect yourself from getting your heart broken, or from potentially breaking others, but, the rewards you usually get from the relationships almost always vastly outweigh the heartache suffered if the relationship ends.
I know I've had my heart broken on several occasions, still, I've never regretted a single moment spent with any of the people from my past. They left me something special, even if things couldn't last.
I wish I had all the answers, I'm sure everyone does. But all I can say is, my paw is always extended in friendship. There's no obligation to that on your part. But, if you ever need additional support, I'm willing to offer it.
Take care of yourself, I hope you've found some better luck since your additional posting. From what little I know, you deserve it.