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Regarding depression
11 years ago
We lost a fine comedian and actor, Robin Williams. Though I knew for years he suffered from depression for most of his life, it's just a shame he allowed his inner demons win.
Reading other people’s stories about depression due to the recent news of Robin Williams… I feel the need to share mine.
I’ve always felt like an outsider, an outcast because I wasn’t like most other kids in school. Being bullied most of my life for being a nerd who didn’t like what was popular on MTV or because I drew “dog people” or because I had more of an interest in feet instead of boobs while growing up.
I grew up knowing from the get-go people can and will be assholes to you for whatever reason, especially if you’re different. It hurts, and you always feel like you’re being a burden trying to talk to people about what’s bothering you thinking you’ll be annoying or you’ll get a generic cookie-cutter response of “cheer up” which never helps or resolve anything.
Instead of worrying about bothering people about your issues or looking too glum to the point people will ask you what’s the matter, some people create and adopt a mask, a facade rather. This mask conceals depressed people’s true emotions by being a funny and/or charismatic person, the sad part is a good chunk of the time, it works, and people will generally assume that’s how you actually are all the time.
However, this mask is a double-edged sword; maintaining this mask is also an issue in itself, by hiding behind it, you have to keep up the act while keeping your true issues bottled up. Keeping up this act adds more stress to the depressed person not wanting to crack under the pressure while not wanting to disappoint people of your sudden personality shift showcasing your true, broken self.
Without therapy and/or medication, as well as close friends to confide in to discuss their issues, a typical depressed person cannot last long allowing their inner self-destructive thoughts destroy them from within and in their desperation, wanting to make those lying voices end.
Depression is a serious matter, I’ve suffered through it for well over a decade and took medication for it along with therapy, I was a changed man having a more positive outlook and was more productive. I later went off it and eventually life issues hit me in the face in 2009, making me relapse and only just now am I seeing therapy and seeking medication.
Depression is a horribly destructive thing on par to immense feelings of guilt and a person can only feel better if they talk about it instead of bottling it up.
Everyone gets depression at one point or another, there’s no shame in it and you’re not alone. Anyone who dismisses it or are never there for you whenever you feel down are assholes.
Reading other people’s stories about depression due to the recent news of Robin Williams… I feel the need to share mine.
I’ve always felt like an outsider, an outcast because I wasn’t like most other kids in school. Being bullied most of my life for being a nerd who didn’t like what was popular on MTV or because I drew “dog people” or because I had more of an interest in feet instead of boobs while growing up.
I grew up knowing from the get-go people can and will be assholes to you for whatever reason, especially if you’re different. It hurts, and you always feel like you’re being a burden trying to talk to people about what’s bothering you thinking you’ll be annoying or you’ll get a generic cookie-cutter response of “cheer up” which never helps or resolve anything.
Instead of worrying about bothering people about your issues or looking too glum to the point people will ask you what’s the matter, some people create and adopt a mask, a facade rather. This mask conceals depressed people’s true emotions by being a funny and/or charismatic person, the sad part is a good chunk of the time, it works, and people will generally assume that’s how you actually are all the time.
However, this mask is a double-edged sword; maintaining this mask is also an issue in itself, by hiding behind it, you have to keep up the act while keeping your true issues bottled up. Keeping up this act adds more stress to the depressed person not wanting to crack under the pressure while not wanting to disappoint people of your sudden personality shift showcasing your true, broken self.
Without therapy and/or medication, as well as close friends to confide in to discuss their issues, a typical depressed person cannot last long allowing their inner self-destructive thoughts destroy them from within and in their desperation, wanting to make those lying voices end.
Depression is a serious matter, I’ve suffered through it for well over a decade and took medication for it along with therapy, I was a changed man having a more positive outlook and was more productive. I later went off it and eventually life issues hit me in the face in 2009, making me relapse and only just now am I seeing therapy and seeking medication.
Depression is a horribly destructive thing on par to immense feelings of guilt and a person can only feel better if they talk about it instead of bottling it up.
Everyone gets depression at one point or another, there’s no shame in it and you’re not alone. Anyone who dismisses it or are never there for you whenever you feel down are assholes.
I truly think you are a strong man for having to fight with this for so many years and having a good grasp on yourself that you don't let it get the best of you. I also hope that eventually you can overcome it as well. :)
I've even considered and attempted suicide a few times in the past, but never had the balls to do it. The overall thing is, depression is a horrible thing to have and it's harder still when you feel like you have nobody to turn to besides your own thoughts telling you you're not good enough or you're a waste of space and whatever else.
Plus, i wouldn't say didn't have the balls to do it, but rather you Had the balls to not do it. I've always thought suicide as the easy way out of things, so I think you are still a strong man for picking yourself up in those dark times.
like for example, I want to do a livestream or start a project, but my anxiety makes me feel like I'm not good enough or I get stage fright and at the end of the day, feel depressed because I didn't have a fulfilling day as I could've had.
unfortunately there are also some people who act emo for the attention, which I presume is why people assume it's an attention-seeking thing instead of an actual mental illness... I guess those people "cried wolf" too many times and hence why there are some people who can't help but feel skeptical about depression.
Amen.
Well you already know my past with that and I agree to it all. Without a close friend to talk to or share your situation that mask starts to be less like a sword and more like a parasite eating at your heart. When that happens it's so hard until maybe a friend comes out to remove your mask and aid you. I cannot help but bow to you on this my friend. I ended up suffering an anxiety attack a while after but had to pick up the pieces so to say.
I try to practice drawing and it hits me hard but when I see others willing to talk and show it helps a bit.
You are not alone Lance
*hugs*