I've always had trouble accepting myself or my limitations. It's made me very angry toward myself a lot. I wonder still what i wanna do with my life. Where i wanna go. Who i wanna be. All kinds of things.
So i wonder often if art is the road i should take. At first to me it was just me wanting to get into the furry community. Then i realized i needed to want to do it and do it for myself not for the community. It's nice to do things for the community but i need to also think about myself.
But i am at a crossroads still... or again... wondering if i should continue my dream or goal you could say of being an artist. I want to... i really do but i don't have the drive... i want my ideas to come to life and i want to share them. i think i focus too much on wanting to be "good" which once again is doing it for others, not myself.
I look at some artist development and wonder how they got so good. Then i noticed something they all had. I think what i saw was their "Drive" what pushes them forward, what makes them want to do it. I haven't found my drive.
But i want to! i have the drive to find my drive. if that makes any sense. I want to be what i want to be. But that takes me getting the drive to do it i believe. I have the want to want something. It's like preparing for a storm i feel. I am ready for the storm, now i just have to go through it. Then i'll find my drive, reach my goals, and keep going. Be what i want to be.
This little journal. i honestly started typing in a saddened mood. But then something changed. Not sure what but it's a good change. I'm happier then can be right now. i feel like i found a purpose..
I know this was a lot to read and i thank you. Hopefully soon you'll be seeing more of me. Not just on here but all over. i want to be known. i want to be somebody someday.
Stay cool.