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Back with a Vengence! Maybe.
11 years ago
Looking back on all the craziness that has been happening in the past, well, forever, I've realized that this is my life. There's no normality at the end of the tunnel. The waves are never going to become tranquil. I'm never going to be in a completely steady position in the world - so why am I waiting for it?
I keep continuing to think that there will be some "right" time in my life to press on with my art work. As though there's going to be a peaceful span of existence where I can just sit down and crank out what I think would be an even pace of perfect projects.
That is crap. I'm stalling.
Having lost confidence in my work over time, I am terrified to even put pencil to paper. Pushing myself to wedge my way into the works, I've lost my own style in order to conform to what I see all around me - because people like it, because I like it. I've scrapped tons of projects just because I couldn't reach the bar I had set for myself. But if you can't look at my work and tell it apart from theirs or if I'm working night and day on one project only to get frustrated because it's not "good enough" compared to theirs; what the hell fun is it?
This being said, I am stripping down back to my own roots and working my way back up. Prepare for horrid anatomy, sketchy lines, poor color choices, fingerprints, ranting, and overall terrible work until I finally find a comfortable place, a decent pace.
What this Means:
- Digital work is being shelved and the drawing book is being dusted off.
- Spontaneous doodles, practice sheets, drawing basics, random abstract, and quick draws will be common.
- More crafting! I am currently working on yarn tails, learning to crotchet, and making various types of bags (messengers, totes, etc.).
On Another Note
I want to be more involved in the site and the fellow artists. This being said, I also want to stress that though I want to be involved in the furry community I also do not want to get entirely lost in it. Some furs just don't grasp personal boundaries and take things way too seriously. Chaos and anxiety are daily for me in RL, they're not something I'm going to start taking too seriously from happenings on the internet.
This being said don't be afraid to talk to me either. Furs are people, people are real, people have real problems or anxieties. That's life. I'm here.
Will I be able to spend every waking hour trying to help?
No, I have that whole "life" thing too.
I am also an incredibly horrible friend in the fact that I just do not have good communication skills and half the time I am stressed to thin strips about my own problems.
Bottom line; I don't try to be a dick to people. I just happen to disappear for random spans without warning purely out of the fact that I just don't have the energy to hold conversations. As if the idea of picking up my phone is the most taxing activity in the world.Your importance level to me has nothing to do with this. I seriously have people I've known since forever who never hear from me. Maybe I am just really busy OR maybe I just really don't want to take my problems out on you - it varies. Just thought I'd give a warning now.
I've hurt a lot of people through miscommunication, but I guarantee you I have hurt myself more.
Anyway, forget me. I want to learn more about YOU.
Leave a message any time.
That's about all I have for right now, but tune in next time!
Hugs to all, and yes I am strange.
Good vibes
I keep continuing to think that there will be some "right" time in my life to press on with my art work. As though there's going to be a peaceful span of existence where I can just sit down and crank out what I think would be an even pace of perfect projects.
That is crap. I'm stalling.
Having lost confidence in my work over time, I am terrified to even put pencil to paper. Pushing myself to wedge my way into the works, I've lost my own style in order to conform to what I see all around me - because people like it, because I like it. I've scrapped tons of projects just because I couldn't reach the bar I had set for myself. But if you can't look at my work and tell it apart from theirs or if I'm working night and day on one project only to get frustrated because it's not "good enough" compared to theirs; what the hell fun is it?
This being said, I am stripping down back to my own roots and working my way back up. Prepare for horrid anatomy, sketchy lines, poor color choices, fingerprints, ranting, and overall terrible work until I finally find a comfortable place, a decent pace.
What this Means:
- Digital work is being shelved and the drawing book is being dusted off.
- Spontaneous doodles, practice sheets, drawing basics, random abstract, and quick draws will be common.
- More crafting! I am currently working on yarn tails, learning to crotchet, and making various types of bags (messengers, totes, etc.).
On Another Note
I want to be more involved in the site and the fellow artists. This being said, I also want to stress that though I want to be involved in the furry community I also do not want to get entirely lost in it. Some furs just don't grasp personal boundaries and take things way too seriously. Chaos and anxiety are daily for me in RL, they're not something I'm going to start taking too seriously from happenings on the internet.
This being said don't be afraid to talk to me either. Furs are people, people are real, people have real problems or anxieties. That's life. I'm here.
Will I be able to spend every waking hour trying to help?
No, I have that whole "life" thing too.
I am also an incredibly horrible friend in the fact that I just do not have good communication skills and half the time I am stressed to thin strips about my own problems.
Bottom line; I don't try to be a dick to people. I just happen to disappear for random spans without warning purely out of the fact that I just don't have the energy to hold conversations. As if the idea of picking up my phone is the most taxing activity in the world.Your importance level to me has nothing to do with this. I seriously have people I've known since forever who never hear from me. Maybe I am just really busy OR maybe I just really don't want to take my problems out on you - it varies. Just thought I'd give a warning now.
I've hurt a lot of people through miscommunication, but I guarantee you I have hurt myself more.
Anyway, forget me. I want to learn more about YOU.
Leave a message any time.
That's about all I have for right now, but tune in next time!
Hugs to all, and yes I am strange.
Good vibes
MurphySlaugh
~murphyslaugh
I'm sure a lot of people go through what you're going through, Kovi. It happens, sometimes. We find ourselves in a trap and sometimes the only way to go is the one that hurts the most: start from the beginning. Figure out what is important, how we want to go in order to be our own selves. As long as you understand where you want to go. How you do it is your business, and I wish you success in it. If there is anything I can do to help, even if it's to leave you alone for awhile, or lend an ear, just say it. Your true friends understand. You don't have to communicate with us every day, or every week. Just as long as we know that you're OK, that's all that matters.
