Okay I went here cause no one in my day to day basis is here and I feel it's a free zone comments are welcome I don't care but please do not tell me to seek help or anything of that nature because this is help and I do not care if anyone will see it or not this is were I come to say how feel without people being able to tell me I'm fucked up
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I recently saw my exe and what I'm sure was my daughter she didn't notice me standing right there of course I've really changed or at least I like to think so I saw a baby girl that looked just like me the bitch even gave her the name she knows I picked out for our child and to see this little girl with the possibility of her being mine even more I feel lost and confused and what's worse is a few days later she came into my job again this time she noticed me told me how good I look compared to when we were together she came in close and gave me a hug and now I'm all fucked up again her scent alone triggered so many thoughts of love pleasure and pain I can't stop thinking about what life would of been if I would of let her walk back in the door that night long ago now feels like decades I lay in bed at night craving my mistress when ya love someone for so long and hard it's crazy I can't get her out of my mind Instantly miss her hitting me and burning my skin biting and scratch me to where I'm bleeding everywhere just so I could utter those words more mistress please just to hear her tell me I was a good slave and could come please her now I was in an abusive relationship but didn't care I had the girl of my dreams the girl I had a crush on since I met her but she broke my trust n slept around n I found out and told her I was done but it's so sick for me now to still crave that punishment and living he'll just to hear those word's (good slave) I'm lost n don't know what to do I fear her coming back again for I don't think I could refuse my mistress again I haven't the strength to keep myself what this person I've grown into I would throw right back into he'll just for that feeling of being owned again