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I been thinking alot
11 years ago
I have this zombie kitten doll I commissioned of my dead cat sickers, She's been dead for a few years now due to an unfortunate accident where she slipped. I still feel immense hatred for the person who caused it, because they didn't take responsibility when I left a furious note on their door. Trying to give them the idea how they would feel if the same thing happened to their dogs. Cats DO NOT always land on their feet especially when it come to short drops. NEVER say that to me, unless you want a broken nose.
She's been dead for a few years now, but it still hurts really bad. I never thought she would be the first to die out of our original three, I had prepared for my cat to die of old age. Because she is old, and her hairballs cause problems for her to where sometimes if we don't give her her medication it gets really bad. I still feel guilty, if I had known more- if I had tried harder in school I feel like I would've been able to do more. Then just keep telling my mom to ignore the fact we didn't have money for a vet bill. She died in a strange place away from the people who loved her. ....she died in a steel box surrounded by strange cats.
I cried for weeks, nights, days. I didn't do much, I only slept when I fell asleep. I was so hysterical I ignored the helpful people around me. I pushed away the people that cared, to go into the dark. A corner or a dark hall alone. To let my weakness over take me. Two more months...
I didn't get to say good bye. Other then a dream many weeks later. Everyone told me she was in better place, that she was in heaven. Things that weren't comforting to me for the fact that I am an atheist. I don't like when people push their religion on me, being a former Christian myself. I try to gently remind people I don't believe in their god but I wont bash him further then saying if there was a god why would he let so many horrible things happen to one person or even a lot. Because we can handle it? I could totally handle It when I was looking at the road thinking about being hit by a car. No one should believe that. I began thinking about the end. A darkness that goes on forever. What if religion is just a thing to make you feel better? to make it easier for you to give up? My thoughts on death are still out.
My family is in pieces. I no longer see my cat at her grave, for im not permitted to. My grandmother is getting old, I cant buy the farm when she dies. It will be sold, I've been trying to figure out what to do. If it was bad to disturb her resting place. Even if it meant that she could be with me. Or that I could find her somewhere to rest forever.
I've thought about having a jar installed in my doll so when the time comes I can collect her. Or do something instead of possibly letting someone destroy her forever.
She's been dead for a few years now, but it still hurts really bad. I never thought she would be the first to die out of our original three, I had prepared for my cat to die of old age. Because she is old, and her hairballs cause problems for her to where sometimes if we don't give her her medication it gets really bad. I still feel guilty, if I had known more- if I had tried harder in school I feel like I would've been able to do more. Then just keep telling my mom to ignore the fact we didn't have money for a vet bill. She died in a strange place away from the people who loved her. ....she died in a steel box surrounded by strange cats.
I cried for weeks, nights, days. I didn't do much, I only slept when I fell asleep. I was so hysterical I ignored the helpful people around me. I pushed away the people that cared, to go into the dark. A corner or a dark hall alone. To let my weakness over take me. Two more months...
I didn't get to say good bye. Other then a dream many weeks later. Everyone told me she was in better place, that she was in heaven. Things that weren't comforting to me for the fact that I am an atheist. I don't like when people push their religion on me, being a former Christian myself. I try to gently remind people I don't believe in their god but I wont bash him further then saying if there was a god why would he let so many horrible things happen to one person or even a lot. Because we can handle it? I could totally handle It when I was looking at the road thinking about being hit by a car. No one should believe that. I began thinking about the end. A darkness that goes on forever. What if religion is just a thing to make you feel better? to make it easier for you to give up? My thoughts on death are still out.
My family is in pieces. I no longer see my cat at her grave, for im not permitted to. My grandmother is getting old, I cant buy the farm when she dies. It will be sold, I've been trying to figure out what to do. If it was bad to disturb her resting place. Even if it meant that she could be with me. Or that I could find her somewhere to rest forever.
I've thought about having a jar installed in my doll so when the time comes I can collect her. Or do something instead of possibly letting someone destroy her forever.
