I've pasted this from my Furaffinity, cause i am lazy


you know, seeing as though there have been people here, who are open and stuff like that, i feel the need to open myself up. I have bottled in my emotions and I need to release them.


I am sure that, like some of you, I had a hard time at high school, whilst even my parents weren't aware of it, it had such a big impact to my mental health. I was terrified of going to school, even though I went there every day, and I realized that i hated the human race (not only for what it did to me but because of the suffering of everyone else). It made me hope that humanity could be destroyed, i fantasized stuff such as hoping lava would swallow up the human race, or that a disease would wipe out or that if there were aliens- that they would destroy the human race. It did not matter to me whether or not it would happen to me too, just as long as they suffered for everything bad with this world.

When I graduated from High school and then graduated, i still felt depressed (as a matter of fact I had to take medication). Currenly i Am about 26 years old, completed a Uni degree in IT and Networking in TAFE and I still haven't found a job. I sometimes ask myself what is the point in life, in a broken world, I wished I could find some people I could get to know and share a rapport with.

Recently, i feel as though life and everyone else is just passing me by. There were some times recently when I wanted to be like a cyberman, being part machine, no emotions, and that everyone is equal in importance, no more sickness, and most of all nobody dies or even feel broken. Im not sure if you noticed that I choose Cyberman instead of, say, a dalek- which would destroy the humans. The reason is of course i don't want to hurt anyone at all. But sometimes its these feelings that seem to the source of everyone's misery. I just wanted to get this off my chest.

P.S. there were times when it would have been better if I didn't exist at all, after all, maybe I was wrong and everyone else was good. I have no ill will or ever intentionally want to harm anyone, i just hate human society and how unfair it is. I just feel like opening myself to this depression because it is killing me inside. Thank you for listening.

===Edit ===

just to clear things here, although at high school, i wish for destruction, ironically i would never do anything violent, because at least in my train of thought, violence was just a part of what i despised about human society. Naturally I feel better, but i still have depression and task medication for it. And i wouldn't kill anyone, but there were times . That that I ever wanted was someone to help heal the pile of wreckage that I am, to show me the true light when I cannot see it, for someone to help give me mental support whilst gladly giving the person the same without a second thought, twicefold, because they would do the same for me. I wish i could be somewhere where i belong, to thrive like so many others.