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An unimportant pondering about a fetish
11 years ago
WARNING: Writing stuff down just to get it out of my head and stop moping about it, in the same way one just has to stop thinking about that nasty thing they saw dead on the side of the road and not let it ruin one's day.
If youre not a hypno-fetishist, or just like it as a fantasy type thing... Save yourself the rambling pondering xD
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So I was reading 'Xenobiology' by Incase, and i ran into a problem I get from time to time. The main character fell under her own lust, estrus, HEAT. Couldnt control herself. Would oblige any lucky horny bastard that simply told her to spread em. Her eyes going crazy her drooling and acting nice and hot and slutty.
Ergo, most of my fave fodder for hypno fetish, even if there was no actual mind control involved, just going into heat. But then... She literally couldnt control herself. Just by being uncontrollably horny, she went into embarrassing situations, let others control her beyond just the fucking. Getting her to do stuff like let students have a better grade or joining in a gangbang behind public toilets. More and more mindcontrolly without the mind control. And I started to feel ill at ease. The images were still beautiful, erotic, fantastic. But I got an ill feeling to my stomach and closed the (unfinished) comic.
I get this at times when I actively seek out mind-control. Either in straight-on porn form or in cartoons and shows and stuff. It turns me on... But when it gets to the point that the subject does something self-destructive; is turned on their allies, has to betray a loved one, to ruin her goals at the whims of their controller... I get this icky feeling and it turns me off what was supposed to get me going.
I find me asking myself: Am I evil/bad for my fetish?
Which is ridiculous, seeing as I immediatelly get turned OFF when the actual evil stuff happens. And yet...
When I was getting into this kink, I met someone who had been in it much longer than I, had experienced the reality of... well.. the dark , EVIL side of what one can do when one person has control of another in a much more severe way than chains or bindings or spanking could do. They told me I'd managed to pick the most dangerous fetish in the world.
And when I experience that not just playing or pretending or drawing art and looking porn but... actually hypnotizing someone, gaining control of them, programming them. Seeing how you can actually exert control over them. And getting off on it. I think back on these moments when I feel sick to my stomach, when I feel that its... Well. Evil. Thats when I get mopey.
It passes in perhaps a few hours, I distract myself. Im good at not thinking about stuff that bothers me.
I know that I'll still get turned on by blank stares and 'Yes Master/Mistresses' and 'I obey's. And i know I'll run into the stuff that for a bit makes me feel bad about my fetish, and Im never sure if it should or shouldnt.
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And now to bury this <_<
Pay it no nevermind I just wanted it out of my head, I feel better now thanks xD
If youre not a hypno-fetishist, or just like it as a fantasy type thing... Save yourself the rambling pondering xD
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
So I was reading 'Xenobiology' by Incase, and i ran into a problem I get from time to time. The main character fell under her own lust, estrus, HEAT. Couldnt control herself. Would oblige any lucky horny bastard that simply told her to spread em. Her eyes going crazy her drooling and acting nice and hot and slutty.
Ergo, most of my fave fodder for hypno fetish, even if there was no actual mind control involved, just going into heat. But then... She literally couldnt control herself. Just by being uncontrollably horny, she went into embarrassing situations, let others control her beyond just the fucking. Getting her to do stuff like let students have a better grade or joining in a gangbang behind public toilets. More and more mindcontrolly without the mind control. And I started to feel ill at ease. The images were still beautiful, erotic, fantastic. But I got an ill feeling to my stomach and closed the (unfinished) comic.
I get this at times when I actively seek out mind-control. Either in straight-on porn form or in cartoons and shows and stuff. It turns me on... But when it gets to the point that the subject does something self-destructive; is turned on their allies, has to betray a loved one, to ruin her goals at the whims of their controller... I get this icky feeling and it turns me off what was supposed to get me going.
I find me asking myself: Am I evil/bad for my fetish?
Which is ridiculous, seeing as I immediatelly get turned OFF when the actual evil stuff happens. And yet...
When I was getting into this kink, I met someone who had been in it much longer than I, had experienced the reality of... well.. the dark , EVIL side of what one can do when one person has control of another in a much more severe way than chains or bindings or spanking could do. They told me I'd managed to pick the most dangerous fetish in the world.
And when I experience that not just playing or pretending or drawing art and looking porn but... actually hypnotizing someone, gaining control of them, programming them. Seeing how you can actually exert control over them. And getting off on it. I think back on these moments when I feel sick to my stomach, when I feel that its... Well. Evil. Thats when I get mopey.
It passes in perhaps a few hours, I distract myself. Im good at not thinking about stuff that bothers me.
I know that I'll still get turned on by blank stares and 'Yes Master/Mistresses' and 'I obey's. And i know I'll run into the stuff that for a bit makes me feel bad about my fetish, and Im never sure if it should or shouldnt.
________________________________________________________________________________________________________
And now to bury this <_<
Pay it no nevermind I just wanted it out of my head, I feel better now thanks xD
