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11 years ago
there are a lot of issues that honestly do not bother me, but which bothers others
it's okay to be bothered by something, it's okay to SAY you are bothered by something and discuss them
but there is a difference, you know, between discussing and taking the slightest comments as an out-right attack on your being.
it's always a shame when ppl take everything others do as AN ATTACK without taking a moment to think 'maybe they just want to talk this thing out with me?'
hopefully though, people learn and move along and things can be fixed!
But unfortunately, in some instances, things will never change.
In some instances, there isn't the ability to change.
I guess just.... I wanted to say that I can't support people who can't change. I can't support people who apologize and say they won't do a thing, that they'll get better... but continue to treat others poorly.
I've witnessed a lot of incidents over time and it's bothered me a lot to see. I can't support people who mistreat their fans and customers, who bite at an open and honest opinion that is said with no intention to start a fight. I just.. I can't support people who are mean.
No matter the circumstance, I never think there is a time where it is okay to be rude to others.
If you mistreat people? You can count me in as someone who probably doesn't like you.
it's okay to be bothered by something, it's okay to SAY you are bothered by something and discuss them
but there is a difference, you know, between discussing and taking the slightest comments as an out-right attack on your being.
it's always a shame when ppl take everything others do as AN ATTACK without taking a moment to think 'maybe they just want to talk this thing out with me?'
hopefully though, people learn and move along and things can be fixed!
But unfortunately, in some instances, things will never change.
In some instances, there isn't the ability to change.
I guess just.... I wanted to say that I can't support people who can't change. I can't support people who apologize and say they won't do a thing, that they'll get better... but continue to treat others poorly.
I've witnessed a lot of incidents over time and it's bothered me a lot to see. I can't support people who mistreat their fans and customers, who bite at an open and honest opinion that is said with no intention to start a fight. I just.. I can't support people who are mean.
No matter the circumstance, I never think there is a time where it is okay to be rude to others.
If you mistreat people? You can count me in as someone who probably doesn't like you.
honestly I just don't get why it's so hard to... give people the benefit of the doubt? My first reaction is never attack or be rude fjdklssfei
I sometimes have bad days where everything anyone says comes like an attack to me, on those days I try to just shut off the computer and draw or exercise instead of knowingly getting into fights with people who honestly weren't trying to upset me. it's not about never having bad feelings, it's about having the maturity to control those feelings and what you do with them.
if you can't or don't control yourself, and feel no remorse when you knowingly do so, then... ugh.
If you're seriously upset--walk away for a bit. Ignore or come back later. It can be really difficult to do, but you'll be so much happier if you can come back to it later and talk nicely. LIKE P MUCH MOST OF THE TIME people don't mean to be rude or start things. Even if you disagree on a matter, it doesn't mean there needs to be a fight.
And it sucks when you see apologies that you know are empty;;;;
I wanted to express myself about stuff earlier but yet again kept my mouth shut in fear of being lashed at and I know many people who feel just like I do... they're afraid to speak their minds or come out and say what needs to be said.
This journal is really reassuring that someone can speak up, that the silent majority isn't alone and gives me courage to finally say something here.
To be honest, I fear this a lot myself even though rationally I know I'm probably in a spot where it would take repetitive, massive faults on my half to ever seriously damage myself... BUT ITS SCARY ANYWAY, I understand! jkfskd
Honestly, though, comments like THIS one make me feel like I'm not out of line to expression my opinions. It's really encouraging to me, as well. So thank you so much for supporting me and.... just you're definitely not alone!
Even people I may not agree with, I could never see myself acting like this and so repeatedly...
I even used to stick up for them and little by little, ive seen some really good people get hurt...
So I would hate to see you get hurt too, especially when everything I have experienced with you has been nothing but positive!
I don't think it's out of line at all, if anything, it's rather kind and very mature, considering what I know.
Like, just.. opinions are okay! Having differing opinions is totally alright! There is no right or wrong way to view the world. And that should be respected and treated kindly no matter what.
And besides, no matter what a person does to you, if you can rise above and be gracious about it? There is such a satisfying feeling at the end of the day in knowing you handled yourself well even if you were mistreated. Being the better person, being respectful and kind? you always feel better about yourself for it in the end. And honestly, everyone else involved or not feels better about it in the end, too.
/oh gosh gomen for rambles jfkdlsfd
I've seen some artists ToS where they blatantly disrespect their fanbase, like
'I'm so fucking tired of x, y and z' 'if you're going to ask for corrections on a commission don't fucking bother commissioning'
it's stuff like that which convinces newer artists and fans that that's just how popular/good artists are. and that they're somehow excused from having to be polite because they're talented and/or under pressure to do well..
I mean, it's definitely okay to say you don't want to do things. As a business, you are totally within your rights to set the rules and it's up to customers to decide if they want to agree to them or not. But you never need to be rude/snotty about it. It's mean to past people you've worked with, as well as makes you appear completely unapproachable. I once had someone nicely inquiring about something to me via note, and they were /terrified/ that they were bothering me by asking a simple question! It really makes me wonder WHO they talked to that obviously treated them so poorly in the past?
Gosh tho, I think it's just as bad if you set rules to your art or services--like when you allow things, but then go and complain about a person doing it where you think people can't see. If it bothers you so much to make you hate on the people doing things you allow, why not just... not allow it?? /shakes head
gosh, what a mess.. ;;
yeah, I think.. that kind of aloof attitude from an artist was very usual on deviantart?
at least back when I was on there! artists would barely ever interact with their fans!
but I think that's what was viewed as professional. I still worry sometimes if by trying to be friendly and open I risk being viewed as too casual ahaha
mhm! I mean I have stuff I absolutely won't draw
and gosh yeah I get that a lot too ;;
and it's just little stuff like 'which brushes do you use', 'will you ever make a tutorial' etc etc
it's nothing to really be nervous about, yet people are terrified to ask these things because some people are so quick to get overly defensive - maybe due to a fear of people copying their methods?? even then, it's like.. I have a few watchers who like to try out my style and pay close attention to how I work in streams, and as long as it's not teaching them bad habits, I think it's wonderful that they can take inspiration from my stuff!
it's the best feeling in the world when someone leaves a shout or a note with a link to something they tried out because of you.
I'm one of those people that get violently upset and brood on what happened until I can speak out to whatever person, though it's usually handled in private and in a very polite manner. Professional, like it should be.
In a private place, I will lash out violently. Endlessly, until I feel satisfied and then I will handle my business but I'm learning other ways and points of view that keep me from getting upset at all and it's been very enlightening.
But some time ago I made a public slip up and I really smudged my image by being so childish in a situation that I had previously experienced with a different individual but had handled privately like you're supposed to. I cannot fathom why I was edged into speaking out publicly, as there was no reason to do so besides my anger.
I messed up pretty bad and because of it a lot of things happened but I'm in no way bitter about it. I'm glad I messed up pretty badly and publicly because it humbles you immensely even if it is painful. You learn, the hard way, that jumping to conclusions and lashing out willy-nilly is a horrible way to act and only enforces the idea that artists cannot be approached or reasoned with on conflict. It's a horrible thing to advocate, even subconsciously, and I hope that other people come to realize this just as I have.
Wow, this is really long and truthfully I'm sorry for that! I just wanted to share that yeah.. You're right, as someone who's been on both sides of the coin. ( So to speak. )
I'm glad that someone with such a supportive fan base can speak out on issues like this. It's a start in letting others know it's okay to have these kinds of thoughts and gives a gateway to positive thinking.
I feel I might know what instance you're talking about? I'm not sure, of course, and I was never involved with it either way--but if it is the same just... yeah, it's really, really cool of you to share these things about it. LIKE, GOSH, it probably sounds so pretentious to say this, but I mean it 100% genuinely--it makes me kinda proud?? I wasn't involved, I don't know all that much, but just... it makes me feel legitimately happy and good for people to see them grow! Regardless of if I was connected or not just... I really mean it, I think it's inspiring to see!
When people mess up, but then feel bad and regret it, and then pick themselves up later and not only admit, but work to better themselves and the situation? Seeing people do that is really admirable. People bettering themselves is really amazing and, just, it makes me truly happy for you that you're able to do that! And I really agree and hope others can gain that sort of strength you do to make themselves (and by extension their lives) better!
And honestly, I think that it's OKAY to get upset about things, it's okay to have those feelings and to be angry and passionate! It's great if you can avoid feeling bad like that to begin with, but it's not bad that you feel that, either! And it's OKAY to mess up! People do! Things happen in the heat of the moment, and everyone has done something they regret. What really matters is never the actual incident, it's how you handle it. If you can mess up and grow from it, it is really inspiring! And it makes someone gain all of my respect if they're willing to face it and work to make sure things get better.
I dunno, I guess it means a lot to me because I always try to do it with myself? I know I'm not perfect, and I have done things I still regret. But I take it in stride, and I learn from it, and I /know/ I'm better for it, and I just really want others to be able to do the same. Like, I feel it just makes you feel better about yourself and happier as a whole if you are capable of growing like that. Not to mention if everyone could do that? The world would be a much better place!
GOSH THO IM SORRY HERE I AM rambling right back at you!
But really thank you! jfkdls for sharing, and for you kind words! I DEFINITELY hope all those past things 100% clear up for you, and that we can all work together to make things a bit better around here, maybe! ;w;/
ReceNT events have just made me lose so much respect for certain artist laughs and sighs
especially when they pretend to?? Understand what they have done but never actually did lol
To me, lying--any kind of deceit /really/ bothers me. I'm a very honest person, and I do my utmost best to make sure I am never hypocritical or say something but do another. My word is super, super important to me! And so it's really important to me that others are honest, too. Seeing people pretend to feel bad, just to save face is... ahh, that sort of thing really does bother me! Especially when you know, but others believe it as genuine. And it's not like you can say anything, cuz it's not right for you to press your views/opinions on others or to get involved with issues that don't concern you. BUT IT STILL... it sucks a lot to see. It's very frustrating.
the problem lies in people who, no matter how many times this happens to, do not, ever, learn from it. especially in this instance.
this certainly is not the first nor the last time this will happen, lmao.
Like... to be honest? I think messing up can be a good thing. LIKE IT SUCKS WHEn it happens, but if you handle it well? It's possible come out from it a better person, and with more respect than you had before. The good feelings of resolution, of working through an issue? Those can make the whole problem to begin with completely worth it.
Like w/ people who make it on artists beware for example? That's the scariest place, as an artist, to end up! But if you can own up and work through it, it can actually give you a BETTER reputation. Messing up isn't the problem. The problem is doing it over and over again and never learning. Of not CARING.
Just..... even if you've somehow managed to reach that magical place as an artist where you're so established no one gives a poop what you do (and I have seen it, maaannyy times), the people who get close to you WILL. It really makes me sad, you know? Being able to grow and better yourself is /SO GREAT/ and I have so many POSITIVE FEELS about it. But if you never care, if you think you're right no matter what, and never bother to give others the chance? Just jdfkl;sd it will never benefit you. And it just... it really makes me feel bad to see people like that. And I know a lot of people that way too jfkdaj
i mean in the moment kind of things happen and we say things that just happen- but there are cases like in this one where there was clear disregard for how someone felt
and even worse is when they act like they learned from it but totes haven't
so there's that 8I
most of the time, people don't say something with the intention to hurt. And realizing this, and trying to remember this when you're in one of those moments is super super good!
LIKE
I've gotten critique before I didn't want or expect, and it can be fjdkls; GOSH OH SO HARD to be nice? Cuz art is SO PERSONAL and it can really feel like an attack on you! But, really, that person probably just wanted to share some insight and help out! And even if someone shares an opinion that differs from your own? Man, that's 100% okay. If you can respect each other having different opinions, that makes both of you kinda great!
lol i posted on adopt account gomen--anyway
AMEN!!! /pumps fist
but i agree hella hard- /raises hands to the sky/
I've known people who've done similar things, like made mistakes, but they've considered there mistakes and I can tell there genuine about it and they haven't gone back since! and they even said looking back on it now that they where stupid, so I can forgive them for that.
but there is a limit. specially when a person does it multiple times? like I just cant be bothered with them anymore- as u said it really does seem that some people cant be saved? but what i hate most of all is when someone is clearly lying- that's even worse than not apologizing to me, its disrespectful. and especially if its someone popular, because there are so many people who look up to that person like its just deceiving everyone? and people buy it cus they love the person! and its setting a real bad example and it just...leaves such a bad taste in my mouth. urgghhh
doesn't mean u have to stop functioning like a proper human being...