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11 years ago
Jun 02, 2011 - Silent Words
Unspoken words that are in need of being heard, lost and trying to not be forgotten. Wondering thoughts, dark and dangerous. I sit and ponder things that I shouldn't, staring at that blade, oh so sharp...thinking about that red thick liquid coming from my skin. Desires, thoughts, fear, sadness...a over whelming feeling. Thoughts and the sight of Death before ones eyes, closed...dreaming...seeing. No fear of such a thing. Dark clouds hang above, red pools below. Someone can save me, yet no one around. Today these thoughts are stronger then they ever have been, yet no where to go or run. It's these thoughts that haunt me, these thoughts that want me to kill. I have sides I can control, though...it seems I am losing that control...I need help, yet none is around. The one I scream for, the other I call for, both having their own to fix. I fear I can not speak to them until they receive the help first...the bond would be broken if I were to depart...but could be better...per-say. I'd leave alone...no one to come with me just as it should be. I wish to leave this home I am held in, wish to depart and be on my own, though I cannot due to how things are. No job, no license...trying my hardest to no avail....it would seem I am being punished and pushed to the final plan...but two people keep me from it...One I hold dearest and closest to my heart, the other my spirit calls for. Tired of the same old routine...falling into the darkness, deeper...deeper....nothingness. I'm at my wits end...perhaps I should try...perhaps I should die....no...perhaps it's not time yet...perhaps...it is....I know not, all I know...my mind, heart, and being is set on such...but something stops me....someone stops me...perhaps I can over come that something...that someone. Perhaps this cold steel will be quick...I know not...my mind has yet to change...should I call for them...no...they have their own...I'm on my own this time...knowing not if I can call myself out....perhaps I can't control them anymore...them...myself of course...no...nothing...it's done. I need help...that's all there is...I can't though...perhaps this is goodbye...perhaps...who knows.
Jun 04, 2011 - Forgiving Thoughts
Truths told, fragmented returns, ever flowing in the thoughts that show concern. Sights beholding the Reaper every night, forgiving and receiving one thought was light. Thoughts of the night so twisted and afraid, now covered to wither away. Blocked by a veil of forgiveness brought by the distractions of the mind. Focused on what lays ahead, patience is one of a kind. Flash backs, flash forwards, the mind still racing. Foresight's into the darkness, the Reaper...he is waiting. Standing there holding the scythe and a item unknown, reaching it out for the one he wants to bestow, muttering words unknown to deaf ears, trying to understand thoughts unclear. Fighting with four other beings, trying to control one self is a mystery. In need of help, yet none is there, as of yet anyway. Patience is all one can say clear. Losing mind, body, and control, trying to find what the Reaper holds. Forgiveness only a fake mask, temporary to hide ones true grasp. Forgiving thoughts just the veil...perhaps as the other said, patience..will be the release. Reaper...what do you hold?...What do you wish to bestow?
Jun 05, 2011 - Wondering Wishes
Thoughts surrounding the darkness making light, twinkle there, twinkle here, oh look a bubble so bright. Peering inside seeing a foresight, wondering and waiting to see what's next. Dark thoughts flowing away, replaced by hope. Yet they still linger when times get harder, but that one bubble that still grows bright keeps my eyes on sight. Wanting, waiting, wishing, hoping...forever gazing at something my heart calls for. Hoping this foresight comes true, knowing it probably won't hurts too. Wondering if feelings return, fixed and repaired. Broken and shattered at this time alone, only dreaming of a place I can call home. Curious thoughts, dark thoughts, beautiful thoughts, all in one. Still losing control of all myself, wanting to be saved by the one that can. In need of help, in need to know, what that Reaper still speaks and holds. Help me, please, I call for it greatly. Save my soul, make me gain back control, please help. Back to the thoughts of that bubble so bright, wondering why such a foresight in such a dull light, curious as if feelings are shared, wondering, waiting, for the truth to come to. Sighing thoughts, desires, and wants, hoping, waiting, gazing, and not. Alone, lost, fragile, scared...waiting for the time that calls for me to be there.
Jun 06, 2011 - Darkening Lights
Darkening lights, pitch black nights, alone and forgotten, fears and frights. Whispers in the now dimly lit home, gazing about, nothing to be found. Gazing out the window so black, trying to find what feels like it'll attack. Knife within reach, ready to defend, frightened to see what could be at the end. Wanting the one that I know makes me feel safe, to far away though to be in such a place. Repetitive words "You'll be fine." knowing deep down, it's only a lie. Though not a actual lie one that holds truth, more of a comfort lie to ease the pain within that feels so true. Pain that is set by the mind itself, due to losing ones own into multi-personal selves. Considering it a lie, is only to mask the truth those three words hold, just waiting to be rescued from this darkness that surrounds. Those words are not lies, but truth. Mind playing tricks again, to race the heart that beats so strong. A light...it flashed...power flickered.....flash again.....power flicks again...thoughts racing...what is that? Gaze out the window...nothing...pitch black. Curiosity draws in...knock...wait...what?...oh...Dad. Shaking head and going back to distraction, seeing motions and hearing sounds though draw back the attention. Walk away silent yet cautious, seeing something...big...yet dangerous. Escape to the phone I do...waiting to know...to hear...those 3 words oh so true...no lie in what was said before, only a mask of the thought them being to protect ones own core. Let me hear your voice....let me hear your call....embrace me...protect me...oh so strong. Feeling lost and forgotten, feared and weak...pick me up...back to my feet. No lies have ever been shared, only truth...that's all that has ever been and will ever be there.
Jun 08, 2011 - Foolishness
Gazing out the darkened window, thinking of all that has been said and done. Feeling of dread and despair knowing now those feelings have won. Losing all hope of that chance I so desire, knowing the thought only breaks and shatters. Feeling like the one desired is being pushed away, annoyance shown...in the worst of ways. Apologizes given probably on deaf ears. Wanting, this feeling to disappear. Don't want to lose the one I hold close...cherishing, loving, showing the one the most. Won't speak unless spoken to, perhaps it's best...so things don't come unglued. Frightened that things have changed, listening waiting...to hear everything's okay. Knowing not what will appear. Curious if..those feelings are still there. Chances are so few and far in between...knowing not if they will come...makes things so unclean. Shrouded in a fog so thick, nightmares drawing in so quick. Looking around..feeling foolish, why oh why did things get pushed. Should have stayed quiet like always..now things draw closer..and closer. Knowing how everything is now...confused as to what may come...feelings of foolishness are upon the bow...lets see what is to become. Sorry here...sorry there....sorry for what occurred...knowing not...if the words told to these ears were true...that nothing annoyed you. Feeling like things said to spare..what feelings there are..within here. Sorry for everything said and done...silence...is what shall become. Foolish...little...one.
Jun 11, 2011 - Lost Heart
Losing ones own heart, is a tough burden to carry. Forever to gaze at the future alone..losing the love, one once held. Feelings presented yet ignored, one loved, in love with another, feelings so torn. Supporting them, yet in pain...forgetting ones true self, in all the blame. Guessing things are never as they seem, losing ones heart, for eternity. Let go but never did return, giving up tends to feel more burn. Weak and alone, fragile and broken, who can be that white prince that's hidden. Fantasies masked as things untrue, memories remembered, pain can't be subdued. Why oh why does the lost heart sing so much pain, hurting and crying, for what is not tamed. Can't be alone forever as one has thought, but noticed that's how it shall be...why not? Traveling hopes always tend to fall, lost and forgotten in this upcoming fall. Summer love not going to occur, for this heart has been broken for to much to endure. Never once has anyone tried to repair, this shattered heart, that lays there. No pain caused by the one, only thoughts cause the pain, that comes undone. Trying to contain the tears of the heart, saddened at the thoughts that occur, no the one did not cause them, they are not to blame. Only these thoughts that taint the brain. Who will be that white prince in the mist...the dark one as well...which one will save this fragile heart, that is in need of help and saved...who...will find this ones lost heart...that sits and cries in pain, who will be the one to tame these sides..who will be the one..to rescue the lost soul.
Jun 15, 2011 - Forgotten
Forgotten how it felt to be with someone you love so deeply, that holds you close and cherishes who you are. Forgotten how it is to be without insanity, to have that special one love you in return. Memories so dark and vivid...losing all hope that has occurred. Forgotten what it's like to be taken, losing all feelings that held such words. Love is on it's breaking point...loneliness sets it. Forgotten what it means to be human, screw life...let it end. I hold these words so dear and close...three little words that hold much meaning. Forgotten if these words are spoken true...forgotten if there's any feeling. Let me be taken, by someone of such caliber. Make it so this loneliness leaves, and the holiness showers. May the dark prince save me, or the white one can, make all these feelings escape me...to be forgotten in the end. May love find me soon...for the day draws closer...the day of losing ones self...to the darkness forgotten, forever. Please save me mysterious prince...so I may never be forgotten.
Jun 9, 2013 - Darkness
Frozen sorrow, painful heart, Forever alone in the dark. Painful thoughts, swirling mind, No silence for the time. Open ones eyes, in the dark, listen to ones hearts. Moans and groans, voices unknown. Speaking, whispering...things untold. Wondering what is next to come, thinking things won't come undone. The ties are broken, the voices sound clear. The essence of darkness, surrounds ones own fear. Playing with the strings just like a doll, no longer fearing of the fall. Broken and fragile just like a toy, listening to the voices of joy. Laughter and silence all in one. Nothing but the darkness has won. Try to forget but unable, storing the thoughts in a label. Bottle up the emotions unchained. Making sure things don't appear strange. Hoping those around stay near, not wanting the darkness to show the fear. Feeling lost without a guide, alone in the darkness is where one shall hide. Masking the pain just like one should. Wishing things were understood.
Jun 9, 2013 - Waiting
Haunted thoughts surrounding the heart, never letting it escape. Memories undying of the pain and tears, causing the darkness to quake. Earth shattering beneath the feet, now falling in. Struggling to find the top, dying all over again. Gazing up into the sky, seeing nothing, not even a lullaby. Wishing there was something bright to behold. Hoping to climb out of this hole. Sinking further inside, chained up, no where to hide. Watching as everything flies away. Watching each cloud pass day by day. Everything now in slow motion, as the darkness swallows one whole. The cover now closing in, never again to show. The sky now gone, the sound disappeared. Alone in the dark, forever unclear. Lost and alone, forever unknown. Desiring ones close, to now know. Wanting, waiting to be found. Lost in the dark, no one around. Please find help, save this heart from the dark. Never let one fall apart.
Jun 9, 2013 - Unknown Love
Love forgotten and unbound, lost and alone for none to find. Gazing up at the stars wondering why. Wishing love was there, desiring it, feeling it, in the air. The heart aches and burns for something not even there. Will the one true love find this fragile heart or will it remain broken forever apart. Trapped beneath the cold stone, waiting for warmth to break the unknown. Watching each day as it passes by, waiting for the love to find out why. Why one sits alone, why one is cold. Providing warmth to the stone. Breaking the barrier that keeps it locked inside, saving it from the darkness that passes by. Wanting to see the light, to no longer sit in the night. Save one from the dark, so one will no longer fall apart.
Jun 10, 2013 - Haunted
Lost in the dark for none to see, haunted by these memories. Memories that groan and moan, pain that can turn one to stone. Lost and battered by these chains, withering away til nothing remains. Alone and scared by what lurks around, only to fall deeper into the ground. Wanting nothing more than to be held close, please save me from these ghost. Continued to be haunted by those dreams, lost and alone with no memories. Thoughts evade now disappear...alone in the darkness no longer to be clear. Fading away just like a mist, just carried away like a dish. The wall goes up but doesn't come down, yet everything still seeps around. Can no one save one from this despair, or will it remain forever a burden that can never be repaired.
Jun 11, 2013 - Dreams
Dreams are a gateway to thoughts unclear, messing with the head, causing despair Fading in the distance, nothing but dark. Gazing up hoping to not fall apart. Feeling like one is falling into a deep hole, trying to climb up to find something to hold. Wishing wings would sprout to teach one to fly, to escape from the darkness, forever a goodbye. Listening and waiting for someone to show, hearing nothing...still alone. No light to behold, no sound to be sung. Just wishing and waiting for the bell to be rung. Silence is nothing but pain to the heart, please save this one before it falls apart.
Jun 14, 2013 - Unsaid Feelings
Silent and shy, scared and alone, wishing these feelings found their home. Wanting you to see, what is there, knowing the chance will always disappear. Waiting for that chance that you'll give, only to realize it will never live. Saddened by these thoughts, knowing it's not right. Wishing for the smile of yours to shine bright. Wanting things to get better, not worse. Hoping for the best and receiving the kindness you deserve. Still holding firm to that slight hope, that a chance will be given but knowing it won't. These thoughts will remain, only a memory. Find your happiness but try and see, what lies in front of you, all the possibilities. Don't give up, don't lose hope, fight for what you desire and hold close. Maybe one day, that chance will be given, but your happiness means the world, no matter the situation. Keep that smile always shinning bright, break away from the darkness that holds you tight. Don't fall for the lies or the despair, you will succeed and all will be clear.
Aug 06, 2013 - Breaking
Broken heart, shattered dreams, lost in eternity. Darkness surrounds as the curtains close, the stage no longer lit, the sound no longer flows. Silence is all but the end, as there is more to this story that is about to begin. Wondering if this one is true, desiring to be kept as ones self and not be changed a new. Over and over this story flows the same, forgotten in the darkness as things continue to remain. Hoping to break through into the light, not wanting to be swallowed into the darkness of the night. Gazing upon those that surround, wondering if they are truly there to be found. Praying that this is not a illusion to be fooled again with words of pain, praying for it to end. Darkness keeps pulling one back, as the light fades away into the black. Fighting and struggling with ones own thoughts, darkness keeps hold, the light so not. What does one have to do to break free, not to be lost and forgotten in eternity. The strength is beginning to leave, the mind is beginning to break, help me from this darkness, please let me awake.
Aug 14, 2013 - Forgive Me
Forgive me but I must depart, this world has grown cold and dark. The light just keeps getting further away. The darkness traps me each day. Blaming ones self for all that has happened, knowing that nothing can change ones reaction. Caring about everyone that has come around, not wanting to hurt those that have stood their ground. Please do not cry when I go, for only cry tears that were not bestowed. Always be happy and stay around. Always look up and never down. Sadness occurs each day and night. But this light will never be lit, never shine bright. No other choice but to break free, so please forgive me.
*All of this is handwritten and stored. Please do not take any of this for your own use. Poetry written by 
Railynn*
Railynn
Wow! that was beautiful and somewhat depressing at the same time.Awe, thank you m'dear