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I'm One Year Older
11 years ago
http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/5118132/
http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/5187628/
No, it's not my birthday. I mean this more figuratively.
If you've been following me for at least a year now, you'd have probably seen those two journals, and remember my absence after they were made. Well, exactly one year later and here we are. Today marks the day of my father's death
I won't bother explaining why I'm not sad today (as the two journals above will explain everything). What this journal is for is to show you guys my past year, and to explain to you why I'm so happy.
A few weeks after his death was all fun and games for some of us, as we were able to finally get out into the world, doing things that we were never allowed to do before. It was fun at least until reality hit us, and it hit me hard. I was a senior at the Early College and it happened about mid semester, so you can imagine the stress I had of college classes and high school classes. Being the only other adult and the only one with a license, I had to be everyone's chauffeur and the one who stayed at home and worked. It was horrible to say the least. My mom's Appendix burst three weeks later and my Uncle had open heart surgery not too long after. It started to turn around when my birthday came on December 30th. We got to drive to the beach and I brought along my boyfriend. It was the first night we got to sleep in the same bed together, and it was the first night we were both able to sleep peacefully without waking up once.
When school came back in session for the next semester, everything stayed pretty calm. We drove down to Florida for Spring Break and stayed at my Uncle's place. I ended up getting a Cherry Blossom tattoo on my left shoulder. It was so nice to get away, but I was happy to be back home, but when I got back, I hit the lowest point in my life. I couldn't handle the stress of everything anymore. I was working too hard at home because my sisters never cleaned and only made messes. With my mom working all the time, and me having school, you could imagine where my grades were going, especially in painting. With a three hour class in the morning at another building, it was hard to even think about going to it, especially with how much I cried in the morning, but my friend TJ slipped class everyday that I did just to be with me to make sure I was okay. Then the day came that we found out my sister was trying to overdose on her depression meds. I was so furious that day, especially when she tried attacking my other sister, so I threw her against the wall and told her how selfish she was being trying to turn the attention onto herself because we were all too focused on Ashley's health. She stayed in the hospital for four days, and my mom was never more stressed in her life, and neither was I. My friends and teachers knew this though, and tried to make everything easier for me.
Things stayed pretty much the same until graduation. I was in a class of 63 and I already miss them dearly. My second youngest sister left for Florida and my youngest siblings were still in school for another month. It was nice just getting time alone with my mom to draw and fix up the house. After Ash got back from Florida and Kate and Ean got out of school, we drove to New York with my boyfriend to celebrate my graduation and my cousin Celina's graduation. It was no doubt the best week of my entire life. We got absolutely lit the first night (we're first, second, and third generation Croatian/Italians so we party and we're loud), and I was so happy. The next day I got to tell off the other side of my family (my father's side) which I've been waiting to do for years, and it's the last time I'll ever see them so I was ecstatic. We went back to my Aunt Emina's house and all got together with my Keranovic side of the family: Aunt Jackie, Uncle Vahid, Josh, Aunt Emina, Uncle Rich, Celina, Erika, Jacob, Uncle Fadil, Aunt Karlynne, Rachel, Alex, Mom, Me, Chase, Ash, Kate, and Ean. It was an absolute blast being with everyone again. It was the first time everyone was together since my cousin's wedding eight years ago. A week later we came back to NC and things stayed pretty quiet. I got really close again to my childhood friend, Jaya, of whom had been having a lot of issues as well. She helped me through a lot this year, and even helped smudge our house to cleanse it of negative energy (which helped so much). She left just a few weeks ago, which is why I made her the picture of us two sitting together. I miss her, but I still talk to her and look forward to her return.
Mom found a really nice man that i absolutely adore. They're hitting it off really well and actually plan on moving in together soon. I ended up picking up a job at Staples and was thrilled to do so. I also cut my hair pixie short, which is something I was so afraid to do. I picked up a second job just a week ago at Lowe's and here we are today. Sure, there were other things that happened like my PCOS diagnosis a month after his death, my possible Cushing's disease that destroyed me for two weeks, gaining fifty pounds because of stress, and having all my friends leave for college, but you know what? I'm an adult now, physically and emotionally. I've done things no child has ever lived through. I've learned to be dependent and let life throw whatever it wants to me, because I'm ready for it. All of this has prepared me for my future. I'll be moving out in just a few short weeks with my boyfriend whom I've been with for a year and a half now, and we're both very excited to get on with our lives.
I'd like to thank several people here. TJ for sticking by me and failing a class for me just to make sure I was okay. Sophie for making me smile and laugh and boosting my confidence when there was none there. Holley for talking through my problems and for making me tear from crying every time I was around her. Jaya for loving me and for giving me the strength to continue on and push through. Rudi (Jaya's mother) for being my second mother and for giving me life-changing speeches that helped me through hard times. Adam for being the dork he is, but for cheering me up when I needed it. All the members of our SQUAD who are just absolutely amazing and I've had such a great time with and who were the cure to my depression. All of the Keranovic side of the family for being the greatest family a person could ask for. My mother for being understanding and for helping me through the rough times of my life. For Snowy who helped me smile and who cared enough to message me every time I was online. Valden for cheering me up with their kind words and beautiful artwork. Kuro for being my number one watcher and for being such an amazing friend. Brandon, for being there and giving me the most amazing advice a person could need. I know there will be a lot more that I'm missing, but know who you are and know that I love each and every one of you dearly.
Last, but far from least, is the one person who has changed my entire life around, my lifetime partner and my best friend Chase. Thank you so very much sweetheart for being my crutch through everything, and for helping me through times that I didn't think I would see the end. I love you more than you could ever imagine.
Thank you everyone for giving me a chance and molding me into the person I am today. In closing, here are some words to live by. A song that has been my absolute favourite since I was a little kid. Good Riddance by Green Day
Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road
Time grabs you by the wrist, directs you where to go
So make the best of this test, and don't ask why
It's not a question, but a lesson learned in time
It's something unpredictable, but in the end is right,
I hope you had the time of your life.
http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/5187628/
No, it's not my birthday. I mean this more figuratively.
If you've been following me for at least a year now, you'd have probably seen those two journals, and remember my absence after they were made. Well, exactly one year later and here we are. Today marks the day of my father's death
I won't bother explaining why I'm not sad today (as the two journals above will explain everything). What this journal is for is to show you guys my past year, and to explain to you why I'm so happy.
A few weeks after his death was all fun and games for some of us, as we were able to finally get out into the world, doing things that we were never allowed to do before. It was fun at least until reality hit us, and it hit me hard. I was a senior at the Early College and it happened about mid semester, so you can imagine the stress I had of college classes and high school classes. Being the only other adult and the only one with a license, I had to be everyone's chauffeur and the one who stayed at home and worked. It was horrible to say the least. My mom's Appendix burst three weeks later and my Uncle had open heart surgery not too long after. It started to turn around when my birthday came on December 30th. We got to drive to the beach and I brought along my boyfriend. It was the first night we got to sleep in the same bed together, and it was the first night we were both able to sleep peacefully without waking up once.
When school came back in session for the next semester, everything stayed pretty calm. We drove down to Florida for Spring Break and stayed at my Uncle's place. I ended up getting a Cherry Blossom tattoo on my left shoulder. It was so nice to get away, but I was happy to be back home, but when I got back, I hit the lowest point in my life. I couldn't handle the stress of everything anymore. I was working too hard at home because my sisters never cleaned and only made messes. With my mom working all the time, and me having school, you could imagine where my grades were going, especially in painting. With a three hour class in the morning at another building, it was hard to even think about going to it, especially with how much I cried in the morning, but my friend TJ slipped class everyday that I did just to be with me to make sure I was okay. Then the day came that we found out my sister was trying to overdose on her depression meds. I was so furious that day, especially when she tried attacking my other sister, so I threw her against the wall and told her how selfish she was being trying to turn the attention onto herself because we were all too focused on Ashley's health. She stayed in the hospital for four days, and my mom was never more stressed in her life, and neither was I. My friends and teachers knew this though, and tried to make everything easier for me.
Things stayed pretty much the same until graduation. I was in a class of 63 and I already miss them dearly. My second youngest sister left for Florida and my youngest siblings were still in school for another month. It was nice just getting time alone with my mom to draw and fix up the house. After Ash got back from Florida and Kate and Ean got out of school, we drove to New York with my boyfriend to celebrate my graduation and my cousin Celina's graduation. It was no doubt the best week of my entire life. We got absolutely lit the first night (we're first, second, and third generation Croatian/Italians so we party and we're loud), and I was so happy. The next day I got to tell off the other side of my family (my father's side) which I've been waiting to do for years, and it's the last time I'll ever see them so I was ecstatic. We went back to my Aunt Emina's house and all got together with my Keranovic side of the family: Aunt Jackie, Uncle Vahid, Josh, Aunt Emina, Uncle Rich, Celina, Erika, Jacob, Uncle Fadil, Aunt Karlynne, Rachel, Alex, Mom, Me, Chase, Ash, Kate, and Ean. It was an absolute blast being with everyone again. It was the first time everyone was together since my cousin's wedding eight years ago. A week later we came back to NC and things stayed pretty quiet. I got really close again to my childhood friend, Jaya, of whom had been having a lot of issues as well. She helped me through a lot this year, and even helped smudge our house to cleanse it of negative energy (which helped so much). She left just a few weeks ago, which is why I made her the picture of us two sitting together. I miss her, but I still talk to her and look forward to her return.
Mom found a really nice man that i absolutely adore. They're hitting it off really well and actually plan on moving in together soon. I ended up picking up a job at Staples and was thrilled to do so. I also cut my hair pixie short, which is something I was so afraid to do. I picked up a second job just a week ago at Lowe's and here we are today. Sure, there were other things that happened like my PCOS diagnosis a month after his death, my possible Cushing's disease that destroyed me for two weeks, gaining fifty pounds because of stress, and having all my friends leave for college, but you know what? I'm an adult now, physically and emotionally. I've done things no child has ever lived through. I've learned to be dependent and let life throw whatever it wants to me, because I'm ready for it. All of this has prepared me for my future. I'll be moving out in just a few short weeks with my boyfriend whom I've been with for a year and a half now, and we're both very excited to get on with our lives.
I'd like to thank several people here. TJ for sticking by me and failing a class for me just to make sure I was okay. Sophie for making me smile and laugh and boosting my confidence when there was none there. Holley for talking through my problems and for making me tear from crying every time I was around her. Jaya for loving me and for giving me the strength to continue on and push through. Rudi (Jaya's mother) for being my second mother and for giving me life-changing speeches that helped me through hard times. Adam for being the dork he is, but for cheering me up when I needed it. All the members of our SQUAD who are just absolutely amazing and I've had such a great time with and who were the cure to my depression. All of the Keranovic side of the family for being the greatest family a person could ask for. My mother for being understanding and for helping me through the rough times of my life. For Snowy who helped me smile and who cared enough to message me every time I was online. Valden for cheering me up with their kind words and beautiful artwork. Kuro for being my number one watcher and for being such an amazing friend. Brandon, for being there and giving me the most amazing advice a person could need. I know there will be a lot more that I'm missing, but know who you are and know that I love each and every one of you dearly.
Last, but far from least, is the one person who has changed my entire life around, my lifetime partner and my best friend Chase. Thank you so very much sweetheart for being my crutch through everything, and for helping me through times that I didn't think I would see the end. I love you more than you could ever imagine.
Thank you everyone for giving me a chance and molding me into the person I am today. In closing, here are some words to live by. A song that has been my absolute favourite since I was a little kid. Good Riddance by Green Day
Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road
Time grabs you by the wrist, directs you where to go
So make the best of this test, and don't ask why
It's not a question, but a lesson learned in time
It's something unpredictable, but in the end is right,
I hope you had the time of your life.
I've enjoyed your company just as much!
P.S. Your still a derp. C: <3
You're a derp too xD