"Lost at Sea" is a song by The Frozen Ocean. It's mostly ambient but has a spoken word intro. I'll include it below, but this introduction from me below is necessary for the continuity of this journal. There is a transcription of the segment below the link if you're unable to hear. If you don't care, skip to the link. :P

I was listening to it and the words went deep into my chest. I've been wrought with bad luck regarding relationships, and while things were never always bad, it still left me with serious doubts about my future. It's been a big fight between pledging a single life and waiting for the right person to come along to fall in love with.

"I'm tired of taking chances" became my mantra after a while. I got tired of being hurt, and I got tired of trying after the things that I valued most, and I became a frustrated and hopeless person. My affections became fruitless and everything I enjoyed seemed tainted and ruined. So I holed up. I wanted to crawl into a hole and stop taking chances with people because frankly, it hurt. Every time I showed my heart to someone, it got stabbed. There were people who were there through it all, but the bad always feels like it drowns out the good.

In that time period, maybe half a year, almost a whole year, I struggled with value and meaning. Nothing had much worth to me, save for a few friends, but I was lost.

I had a ton of late-night talks with my close friends trying to sort out all of it. It took a while, but it suddenly struck me hard: if we are going to love, we are going to hurt. Else, we will never love and we will never live.

I heard the song tonight while doing laundry. It says exactly what I just stated, but does it more eloquently.

Looking up the link now (writing this journal) informed me that it was from C.S. Lewis' The Four Loves, a book sitting on my shelf in front of me. It's in my reading list, pretty close to coming up.

But I wasn't surprised. Something like this coming from C.S. Lewis is nothing new. Everything he says is genius and meaningful, and it's exactly why he's one of my role models.



The Frozen Ocean's ''Lost at Sea''

There is no safe investment.
To love at all is to be vulnerable.
Love anything, and your heart will certainly be rung and possibly broken.
(If) you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal.
Wrap it carefully around with hobbies and little luxuries, avoid all entanglements, lock it up safe in a casket, or a coffin of your selfishness.
But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it'll change.
It will not be broken.
It'll become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable.
To love is to be vulnerable.



Sometimes putting my music library on random will give me music that is indescribably touching and meaningful.

I have my friends to thank for helping me out this far. I appreciate every single one of you.