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I am just so tired of the hypocrisy of the community.
11 years ago
The meaning of the title is an extension of what some have said to me both publicly and privately, but then they act differently or at least different from what their words would suggested they would be like IRL and what I experienced at GEMMACON from Monday, September 29-October 2nd, 2014
Before getting to the events that took place in Atlanta, GA, i must first state what I believe and explain why I believe that if not some of the community are hypocrites, then they act as such, even if they are not truly hypocritical.
There are many examples I could use to explain my position, in fact too many, so I will choose one of the least inflammatory ones I can think of at this time.
let's say there is a man, woman or teen who is LGBT, the fact that they are who and what they are is no ones business but their own and no one has the right or position to "out" them publicly. If that person should choose to use flamboyant mannerisms or should happen to speak in a high tone voice in a public setting, even when they are with others, that is their choice and those in the same group have no position to request or order them to "stop the action" due to any possible discomfort those actions may cause one or more in the group.
Yes, that LGBT individual would probably most likely try to limit, control or cancel outright his or her actions to make those he is with, likes or cares for be happy, after all he is out with them because he likes them and he or she would not want to cause them any form of displeasure.
The perceived hypocrisy comes when one or more of those who asked that LGBT individual to not publicly do whatever to show that he is how he is (not that there is anything wrong with that at all) goes ahead and for example publishes a picture of themselves (on the internet, where far, far, far, far more then a small group of possible IRL onlookers will potently see said picture and simply download it, then take the pic and post it to some sort of social media site (Twitter, Facebook, Tumblr, Reddit or any others out there.) with either a humorous joke, a innocent remark or something that either might be seen as hurtful or would clearly be known to be a personal attack upon the person shown in the picture.
In doing so that individual did exactly what the LGBT person was doing IRL, but was asked to stop, isn't that the very definition of hypocrisy?
I bring all this up due to the great emotional distress I am still under
19 days after I left the meet-up in Atlanta, GA.
First of all, it was a disaster from the word go lol. After I arrived on a Greyhound bus in Atlanta at 10:30 pm, I sat in the station until 2:30 am, not knowing that there were trains overhead that would take me to the hotel I was to stay in. So I ended up sitting in the station until 5:30 am, when the trains started up again. In the process of that 7 hours i got conned twice and almost in an altercation with one of the residents of Atlanta over a quarter I had dropped on the ground (if there had not been a police officer across the street, I would have been hit and most likely robbed.)
I arrived at the hotel, went to the room and got a few hours sleep, woke up and went downstairs to wait for what would turn out to be one of the 4 bright points that took place during the meet event. The first of four happy things was I met the delightful, energetic, rambunctious, very happy, kind and wonderful
KennyKitsune
We talked as we went to the room and he gave me a gift, a shot glass from Texas as well as some really awesome and cool balloons. We went to eat at KFC and then back to the room to sleep, in preparation to meet (at least for me) for the first time ever
Toddlergirl
Kenny and I walked to this puppet museum place to wait for Toddlergirl and her daddy to arrive, eventually they did and we all went inside. It was kinda cool, but it was a shame that none of the puppets of Frank Oz were shown, it was more of a tribute to Jim Henson and his contribution to the art of puppetry.
During the visit to the puppet place we went into a room and started to watch a few minute long video about puppets and in being alone with those three, I took out my paci and started to use it to comfort and relax me in that stressful situation. The movie ended and we walked out of the room.
I had forgotten that I had my paci in my mouth as i walked around (usually at home here in Richmond, KY I sometimes when I am out and about I use it to be happy and stuff. I was approached by one of us in the group and asked to not use it in public, due to the act of using it made this individual feel uneasy and uncomfortable. I was told it is alright to use it in private, but not in public. I know this persons reasoning and the reasons for them to feel as they did are valid and reasonable, but so was my right to use it and as an american citizen look like a fool to some if I should choose to, but to make this person happy and not ruin the trip for anyone else I choose to put my paci into my pocket and not bring it out again until I was back on the bus to Cincinnati, Ohio, in doing that, in bowing to the wishes of the group my heart was broken.
The group walked and talked as I walked behind everyone else alone, when we stopped to get some sort of lunch I kept walking off to be alone and to partake in another method of stress relief. I tried to join the group and be a part of the conversation and activity, but looking at them and having to hide who I truly was to not make anyone feel "uncomfy" caused me far too much pain, which forced me to repeated ly walk away to be alone.
After the lunch we went to the world of Coke museum, which was cool, except for Lime Coke EWWWWIEEEEE *giggle*. We learned that
babydrake would arrive and meet us there, He arrived as our visit to Coke museum was winding down and the group did their babyish greetings and such, -in public I might add, no one in the group was concerned with the few dozen people around in public then it seems.-
Later that night we all went to this pretty nice restaurant (by my standards at least) and we looked at the menus, all the food there was so expensive. I am not a military person, i am not in law enforcement, and i am not a famous and very talented artist, that can look at a $20 steak and not think that it is too expensive, I work at Wal-Mart, my general meal price range tops at 6 or 7 dollars at McDonalds.
The group started to talk with each other about the furry event that took place in Seattle, WA a week earlier, it seems that they all went and i didn't, i felt so out of place and alone. I was intimidated so, I walked outside to be alone and pace for a bit so i can gather the courage to go back in and maybe, just maybe become accepted by them. I sat at the table, looking into their eyes and at how they acted and I completely froze up, i couldn't move, speak, breath or blink. Momma (Sterling) told me when I spoke to him online that I most likely had a panic or anxiety attack from the stress of the situation I was in. Only Kenny showed any form of concern for me, he reached out his hand and took mine. I calmed a bit, but was more or less silent as I ate and just allowed them to enjoy their food.
Drake, Kenny and I went back to the room, those two cuddled as they fell asleep and I laid alone, as I buried my face into my pony plushie and softly cried myself to sleep.
-I will be combining the bar events into one event, they happened on back to back nights-
The next two days we as a group walked and did stuff and later that night we all went to a bar, the group ordered drinks and talked. Soon more of the people who came to go to the aquarium arrived and all of them seemed to be having a good time. I started to feel really out of place, so I went outside and the 2nd of 4 happy moments of the trip happened. I got into quite the engaged and deep conversation about comic book superheros and villains, video games and my love MLP:FIM with 5 and a 7 year old brothers and their grandmother. It is funny that I had more in common with two little children, then I did with those who I came to see and thought were just like me.
I enjoyed the time I spent talking to those youngsters, but later one of the group came outside and told me "Put your paci in your pocket. A couple people are being given a ride by someone who doesn't know anything about what we are into and no one wants to scare off the "normal" people. So once again I put it away and hid who I was to make the group happy.
As i stood outside, the "normal" person the group member referred to came outside and the two of us had an energetic conversation about the history of video games. cars and other things. We talked and I slowly became comfortable enough to reveal who I really was inside and it felt so good. This "normal" person was far more accepting and understanding then he was given credit for, as are most people if you only give them a chance and are open and honest about yourself, most out there will accept it, they might not like or approve, but they will accept it.
On the night prior to the aquarium visit we went to a place called "Varsity" to eat dinner. it was good and reasonably priced, but then I saw how the group was acting as they were sitting down -see title of journal-, some were playing and running around, some were making babyish faces and doing little play type things, some family units were playing in their headspace thing. I wonder why any one person wasn't made to feel uncomfy about those things being done in public, there were children around, parents, grandparents, employees, college students and many others seeing what they were doing. Why did no one in the group ask them to stop, were they not afraid of how some simple and narrow minded individuals might have thought about their babyplay?
My final night in Atlanta I was told by drake that the group had talked and that they had decided that it would be a bad idea if I were to attended the post-aquarium dinner event with the group. I was more or less told that I was not wanted there among those mature and civilized adults who would never act like anything, but their true age (yea right.) Once again I laid alone and cried to sleep.
The third and fourth happy things of trip took place at the aquarium itself, but before i get to that i should mention that after drake and I arrived at the aquarium, he spent his time on his phone and I spent my time just walking around as I played as my true self in my head. Soon the group arrived and talked for a bit. I went and tried to join them, but once again I saw -see title of journal- and i was hurt by it. I walked away for several minutes and sat alone and cried, no one came to see if i was alright, no one noticed i was gone and no one seemed to care either way, they all just went inside the aquarium as a happy group and left me behind.
I eventually came to my senses and went to join the group, I caught up to them and was still crying a little,
tavimunk stopped me and asked if I was alright, I shamefully pushed his hand and concern aside and for that i very humbly apoligise to you Tavi.
The 3rd happy thing happened at the aquarium and that was the AT&T Dolphin Tales show, it was so awesome and fun. It was really corny and silly, but the little one inside me absolutely loved it and for the first time since my time with Kenny I was happy and smiling inside and outside. After the show (I saw it twice) I had the 4th happy thing happen, I saw and bought a new friend and family member, a pink plushy penguin I named "Blip."
After the Aquarium was done I went alone back to the hotel to pack so that I could be on the Greyhound back home.
My question is, why were all of the group allowed to act act their true baby selves in public (playing with each other, doing baby talk, a few acting as an AB family would, and just having fun, but the one thing i tried to do was rejected not once, but twice, i was told not to be myself, to hide who and what I am just to make others feel happy, and that my friends is the textbook definition of the word -HYPOCRISY-
Before getting to the events that took place in Atlanta, GA, i must first state what I believe and explain why I believe that if not some of the community are hypocrites, then they act as such, even if they are not truly hypocritical.
There are many examples I could use to explain my position, in fact too many, so I will choose one of the least inflammatory ones I can think of at this time.
let's say there is a man, woman or teen who is LGBT, the fact that they are who and what they are is no ones business but their own and no one has the right or position to "out" them publicly. If that person should choose to use flamboyant mannerisms or should happen to speak in a high tone voice in a public setting, even when they are with others, that is their choice and those in the same group have no position to request or order them to "stop the action" due to any possible discomfort those actions may cause one or more in the group.
Yes, that LGBT individual would probably most likely try to limit, control or cancel outright his or her actions to make those he is with, likes or cares for be happy, after all he is out with them because he likes them and he or she would not want to cause them any form of displeasure.
The perceived hypocrisy comes when one or more of those who asked that LGBT individual to not publicly do whatever to show that he is how he is (not that there is anything wrong with that at all) goes ahead and for example publishes a picture of themselves (on the internet, where far, far, far, far more then a small group of possible IRL onlookers will potently see said picture and simply download it, then take the pic and post it to some sort of social media site (Twitter, Facebook, Tumblr, Reddit or any others out there.) with either a humorous joke, a innocent remark or something that either might be seen as hurtful or would clearly be known to be a personal attack upon the person shown in the picture.
In doing so that individual did exactly what the LGBT person was doing IRL, but was asked to stop, isn't that the very definition of hypocrisy?
I bring all this up due to the great emotional distress I am still under
19 days after I left the meet-up in Atlanta, GA.
First of all, it was a disaster from the word go lol. After I arrived on a Greyhound bus in Atlanta at 10:30 pm, I sat in the station until 2:30 am, not knowing that there were trains overhead that would take me to the hotel I was to stay in. So I ended up sitting in the station until 5:30 am, when the trains started up again. In the process of that 7 hours i got conned twice and almost in an altercation with one of the residents of Atlanta over a quarter I had dropped on the ground (if there had not been a police officer across the street, I would have been hit and most likely robbed.)
I arrived at the hotel, went to the room and got a few hours sleep, woke up and went downstairs to wait for what would turn out to be one of the 4 bright points that took place during the meet event. The first of four happy things was I met the delightful, energetic, rambunctious, very happy, kind and wonderful
KennyKitsuneWe talked as we went to the room and he gave me a gift, a shot glass from Texas as well as some really awesome and cool balloons. We went to eat at KFC and then back to the room to sleep, in preparation to meet (at least for me) for the first time ever
ToddlergirlKenny and I walked to this puppet museum place to wait for
Toddlergirl and her daddy to arrive, eventually they did and we all went inside. It was kinda cool, but it was a shame that none of the puppets of Frank Oz were shown, it was more of a tribute to Jim Henson and his contribution to the art of puppetry. During the visit to the puppet place we went into a room and started to watch a few minute long video about puppets and in being alone with those three, I took out my paci and started to use it to comfort and relax me in that stressful situation. The movie ended and we walked out of the room.
I had forgotten that I had my paci in my mouth as i walked around (usually at home here in Richmond, KY I sometimes when I am out and about I use it to be happy and stuff. I was approached by one of us in the group and asked to not use it in public, due to the act of using it made this individual feel uneasy and uncomfortable. I was told it is alright to use it in private, but not in public. I know this persons reasoning and the reasons for them to feel as they did are valid and reasonable, but so was my right to use it and as an american citizen look like a fool to some if I should choose to, but to make this person happy and not ruin the trip for anyone else I choose to put my paci into my pocket and not bring it out again until I was back on the bus to Cincinnati, Ohio, in doing that, in bowing to the wishes of the group my heart was broken.
The group walked and talked as I walked behind everyone else alone, when we stopped to get some sort of lunch I kept walking off to be alone and to partake in another method of stress relief. I tried to join the group and be a part of the conversation and activity, but looking at them and having to hide who I truly was to not make anyone feel "uncomfy" caused me far too much pain, which forced me to repeated ly walk away to be alone.
After the lunch we went to the world of Coke museum, which was cool, except for Lime Coke EWWWWIEEEEE *giggle*. We learned that
babydrake would arrive and meet us there, He arrived as our visit to Coke museum was winding down and the group did their babyish greetings and such, -in public I might add, no one in the group was concerned with the few dozen people around in public then it seems.-Later that night we all went to this pretty nice restaurant (by my standards at least) and we looked at the menus, all the food there was so expensive. I am not a military person, i am not in law enforcement, and i am not a famous and very talented artist, that can look at a $20 steak and not think that it is too expensive, I work at Wal-Mart, my general meal price range tops at 6 or 7 dollars at McDonalds.
The group started to talk with each other about the furry event that took place in Seattle, WA a week earlier, it seems that they all went and i didn't, i felt so out of place and alone. I was intimidated so, I walked outside to be alone and pace for a bit so i can gather the courage to go back in and maybe, just maybe become accepted by them. I sat at the table, looking into their eyes and at how they acted and I completely froze up, i couldn't move, speak, breath or blink. Momma (Sterling) told me when I spoke to him online that I most likely had a panic or anxiety attack from the stress of the situation I was in. Only Kenny showed any form of concern for me, he reached out his hand and took mine. I calmed a bit, but was more or less silent as I ate and just allowed them to enjoy their food.
Drake, Kenny and I went back to the room, those two cuddled as they fell asleep and I laid alone, as I buried my face into my pony plushie and softly cried myself to sleep.
-I will be combining the bar events into one event, they happened on back to back nights-
The next two days we as a group walked and did stuff and later that night we all went to a bar, the group ordered drinks and talked. Soon more of the people who came to go to the aquarium arrived and all of them seemed to be having a good time. I started to feel really out of place, so I went outside and the 2nd of 4 happy moments of the trip happened. I got into quite the engaged and deep conversation about comic book superheros and villains, video games and my love MLP:FIM with 5 and a 7 year old brothers and their grandmother. It is funny that I had more in common with two little children, then I did with those who I came to see and thought were just like me.
I enjoyed the time I spent talking to those youngsters, but later one of the group came outside and told me "Put your paci in your pocket. A couple people are being given a ride by someone who doesn't know anything about what we are into and no one wants to scare off the "normal" people. So once again I put it away and hid who I was to make the group happy.
As i stood outside, the "normal" person the group member referred to came outside and the two of us had an energetic conversation about the history of video games. cars and other things. We talked and I slowly became comfortable enough to reveal who I really was inside and it felt so good. This "normal" person was far more accepting and understanding then he was given credit for, as are most people if you only give them a chance and are open and honest about yourself, most out there will accept it, they might not like or approve, but they will accept it.
On the night prior to the aquarium visit we went to a place called "Varsity" to eat dinner. it was good and reasonably priced, but then I saw how the group was acting as they were sitting down -see title of journal-, some were playing and running around, some were making babyish faces and doing little play type things, some family units were playing in their headspace thing. I wonder why any one person wasn't made to feel uncomfy about those things being done in public, there were children around, parents, grandparents, employees, college students and many others seeing what they were doing. Why did no one in the group ask them to stop, were they not afraid of how some simple and narrow minded individuals might have thought about their babyplay?
My final night in Atlanta I was told by drake that the group had talked and that they had decided that it would be a bad idea if I were to attended the post-aquarium dinner event with the group. I was more or less told that I was not wanted there among those mature and civilized adults who would never act like anything, but their true age (yea right.) Once again I laid alone and cried to sleep.
The third and fourth happy things of trip took place at the aquarium itself, but before i get to that i should mention that after drake and I arrived at the aquarium, he spent his time on his phone and I spent my time just walking around as I played as my true self in my head. Soon the group arrived and talked for a bit. I went and tried to join them, but once again I saw -see title of journal- and i was hurt by it. I walked away for several minutes and sat alone and cried, no one came to see if i was alright, no one noticed i was gone and no one seemed to care either way, they all just went inside the aquarium as a happy group and left me behind.
I eventually came to my senses and went to join the group, I caught up to them and was still crying a little,
tavimunk stopped me and asked if I was alright, I shamefully pushed his hand and concern aside and for that i very humbly apoligise to you Tavi.The 3rd happy thing happened at the aquarium and that was the AT&T Dolphin Tales show, it was so awesome and fun. It was really corny and silly, but the little one inside me absolutely loved it and for the first time since my time with Kenny I was happy and smiling inside and outside. After the show (I saw it twice) I had the 4th happy thing happen, I saw and bought a new friend and family member, a pink plushy penguin I named "Blip."
After the Aquarium was done I went alone back to the hotel to pack so that I could be on the Greyhound back home.
My question is, why were all of the group allowed to act act their true baby selves in public (playing with each other, doing baby talk, a few acting as an AB family would, and just having fun, but the one thing i tried to do was rejected not once, but twice, i was told not to be myself, to hide who and what I am just to make others feel happy, and that my friends is the textbook definition of the word -HYPOCRISY-
It was probably the case for you...I am not sure, from what you are saying that people was so hypocrit, there as much point of view that people on the earth, your was simply different from there i guess...
What i mean is that for you, baby talk or sucking a pacifier in public as the main impact, but probably some people in the group think the image project by a adult with a pacifier is much more strong then bunch of people speaking babyish.... Pacifier are realy strong image relater to baby along with diaper and baby bottle.... people talking strangely maybe attract less attention on them.
*hugs*
BTW
Do you prefer Amethyst or Apple for short? I worry I bugger up social interaction a lot, as I'm dreadful with names offline.
I'll jump into the points when I was around and work from there:
That night at the restaurant, it was actually quite evident that you were both financially and emotionally very out of your depth. You're not the most emotionally or physically astute person, we actually covered up concern for you by keeping the topic to lighter things like the convention which Kenny did wish to know about. Every-time you left though you became the topic of conversation, and the consensus was to send Kenny out to check if you were alright. We let it go as you just needed your space and were having a social anxiety attack - It's something quite common among the fandom; we didn't think it was the signs of an underlying problem.
The irony is that restaurant given we were the ONLY patrons was the ideal place for you to be yourself, the only person who could have commented would have been the waitress, and she certainly wasn't about to challenge us given we were her only table all night, and Atlanta pays their waiters/waitresses $2.35/hr + tips under Georgian state law which includes that tips are included in the calculating of minimum wage.
Your tendency to take long walks to smoke and for what we perceived as dealing with social anxiety became an expectation, that we furthered at the Zoo which I notice you omitted completely from your write-up. You had a tendency to wander at the zoo when it was just me, gem and Paul, so we gave you your space, and tried to go at a pace so you never got left behind. With this little time and the maybe some total 7 hours we actually spent together at RF, Gem, Paul and I had already become very close friends, as we had far more in common with each other than we did with the rest of the group, in our perceptions, our experiences, our backgrounds, our connections and more. I swear by the end of the trip I could have probably told you what Gem and Paul were thinking, and likely they could have told what I was thinking.
We made out attempts to keep you included at the bar, especially with the quiz we did, where I doubt we would have scored half as high as we did without the answers you came up with, you even seemed to be genuinely enjoying yourself during it.
I was also the one who came out to talk to you, as I had by now assumed a 'leadership/organizer' role of events. I'd been text-ed of the others coming and briefed on the 'situation'. One of said members who came is both overly exuberant and yet paralyzingly shy and timid about some of their interests and associations, to the point of showing us stuff under the table as they weren't sure what the group would think. As it would turn out, as you yourself described, their 'normal' ride was quite accepting and okay with far more than they perceived of him, thank you for actually saying this - because you have in so doing made at least three people's lives easier for the telling of it.
As to Varsity, that was an interesting situation where myself and one other definitely started 'acting out' and getting a little too into head-space for such a place, however not so far gone that we didn't realize you weren't with us and what that could mean. Again I was the one to go check on you, and pull you out of the potentially awkward conversation you were steering yourself into by being situationally aware that your meal which you had ordered was now ready; without even having to have been there to see or hear you order it. The first incident of me using an 'easy out'.
We also deliberately chose one of the restaurant sections that was small, and relatively uncrowded where we dominated the majority of the room, thereby giving us solidarity in numbers as a large group, less likely to draw questions and thus be able to act more freely as ourselves. When one person does something unusual it's weird and possibly disgusting. When two do it, it becomes weird yet possibly acceptable. When a whole group does it, it becomes acceptable by virtue of the group; if so many do it therefore it's not strange, or as strange.
It's a very flawed way of thinking, but the vast majority of society unwillingly and often even unconsciously perceives those around them this way. Yes by this logic that means if the ENTIRE group had pulled out pacis and sucked on them, it would be less uncomfortable for every-bound around not in the group. It's a very strange social dynamic not well understood in Western culture, but well written about in eastern cultures based on collectivism.
That night before the aquarium meet I stopped to chat to you WELL into the night, to understand you, to show you some form of solidarity, and appreciate where you come from, and how you think. Your situation made parts of me wince that hadn't in a long time, you truly did have a very different and harsh growing up compared to even most furries. Enough to explain why you perceived things quite differently to what most of us do, who spent our whole childhoods learning social interaction with our 'peers'. Whetehr we like it or not, the social interaction aspects of highschool are something as important to master as all the academics you learn, because workplaces, colleges, everything will still end up a collection of cliques and friends with similar interests and ways of thinking. Most don't succeed socially in highschool, but that's to be expected. The adult world is a fresh start, but with the EXACT same mechanisms and behavioral expectations.
The results of this conversation and my observations were what brought me to recommend you not join us for dinner after the Aquarium, the second time that I took advantage of the easy out, and I'll list the four reasons I came to this conclusion:
1) You had an early travel time and I knew we would start dinner quite late, and be out even later (we were out till after 3am in the end and me, Gem and Paul were definitely well into our drinks by that point, not exactly the best social situation for someone who does not drink)
2) We were going to go to a restaurant that was both far more expensive and a LOT further away than before, and you had already confided to me what was left of your sorely depleted budget; however we ended up going to the same restaurant as before which you had still found painfully expensive
3) Despite our attempts to make you comfortable in smaller groups socially, you seemed to still be having issues and the social interaction when we added more to that mix and some tearful farewells of which there were many, would do nothing good for your emotional state.
4) The original plan with the further away restaurant had required a very small group as they are I'm told busy enough that they don't take reservations and any group larger than 6 means a 2-hr wait for a table.
Moving onto the aquarium I was actually on my phone trying to co-ordinate the meetup of all the people at the aquarium as nobody actually knew exactly who all was supposed to be there, or when, or even what tickets to buy. Many actually bought different tickets for the early entrance and different dolphin show timings. As it turned out, with their weird system none of it mattered, but we actually thought it all did and were trying to be in by our respective timings, and I even went through first because I saw the bag check and expected to be given a hard time about my diaper bag and it's contents. Surprisingly they barely even opened it, which while culturally positive does make me wonder about the purpose of a bag inspection if they're going to not actually investigate any of the contents or all the compartments, nor x-ray it.
You were most certainly not left behind, the group all waited at the entrance until EVERYONE was through and checked in, I even did multiple headchecks throughout the morning to make sure we didn't lose anyone along the way, which we ended up doing anyways around the penguin exhibit.
Again, I do apologize whether or not you choose to accept it, but I am used to taking leadership in any situation that's disorganized and lacking it, and I will predictably do what I perceive is best for the whole group, even at the detriment of one or more members. I'm human, I still pick favorites and tend to consider them more than others; but I will try to consider everyone's feel? Social dynamics is give and take, you certainly need to 'take' far more, you give of yourself plenty to the point there will be nothing left one day.
~~
I hope one day you find a group that is more suited to your needs and emotions, we as a group are not all that we are portrayed to be. Even if I speak only for myself, what people think of me is actually very far from the truth on a lot of days.